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Sep 2018
Him
His eyes are my escape route
They take me anywhere I wanna go
Which always leads right next to him

When he looks at me
I feel my soul become furious
Somebody has me bothered

I crave the scent of his cologne
When the smell of it on my sweatshirt
F A D E S away

The limited-time only reminder
that at one point
He was on top of me
And in that moment
I was all that mattered
to him

The anxiety that lurks through my body
Everytime I think of him
The feeling in my body
Everytime my brain remembers
a happy moment
With him
Or sincere moments
we shared

Two broken people
80/20
I broke my own heart
To give him pieces to fix his
20/80

My mind and what’s left of
my heart are at war
Because of him

Because of him, his smile
And his quirky laugh
that quench the desire
Of the simplicity of his existence;

My heart won’t let me be at peace
My mind tells me to let go

Reflecting on post trauma
Nothing is better than feeling
Wanted but safe
By the person you want the most

But nothing is worse than feeling
You’re not good enough for the person
You want most

Looking into his eyes again
Constantly searching for reassurance

And then suddenly
the source of happiness vanishes

you were only a distraction
While what was really wanted
Wasn’t accessible

allowing attachment
is unbelievably dangerous
But learning to let go
is worse
Alaynah
Written by
Alaynah  17/F/Vermont
(17/F/Vermont)   
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