There is a hole inside my chest.
I didn‘t ask it to be there
I don‘t know where it came from
But it doesn‘t seem to care.

Everytime I see a glimpse of serenity
it taints me again:
A corrupting presence
strangling my spine
choking my soul.

What has changed?
Where is the cause?
I‘ve lost ascendancy
over the demons I thought
to have slain long ago.

Again I‘m afraid.
Afraid to speak too much,
afraid to be silent for too long.
Afraid to be me
and afraid to disguise myself.

It seems my fortune has vanished
from my control.
And in dark moments
the only thing that‘s left
is the fear that
something has changed
irreversibly.

What once got close
seems to drift apart again
before it could begin to coalesce.
And I stand weak
before my inner chaos.

My mind is a maze
and I have lost the map.
How am I supposed to find my way back
with this chasm in my head?

~

My confidence is torn.

~

There is a hole in the sky
and it slowly pulls me in.
Will it erase me or cleanse me?
And will the scourge inside of me
finally die?