Fear of commitment


It seems you want to see me laughing.
I think I could try, but where is the fun?
It seems you want to see me happy,
But the scratches down my back have long since gone.


Maybe I could find a way to begin chatting up,
But the silence I hold. What is love?
No more for the meter,
I have a wheel clamp on the tongue.
It seems I should by now be with my love,
But this continuous car crash that is my love life…
It just ain’t letting up.


I crash and burn at each and every turn.
If only I could take control of this life that I live,
But I am only ever destined to be hurt
And to lose my hope in everything.


The smile I raise will never grow up;
The lies I tell keep me grounded.
My ego has a life of its own, so it’s tough,
To keep my mind on the level.
No safety net, I fall alone…unbounded.


I see a light, I follow it,
It only leads me to where I once was.
I ignore the light and wander blind,
I walk in the dark; I end up lost
And then I see another reflection in a mirror;
Another time when I was myself
And there I see I am no nearer to leaving this maze,
This endless place I dwell.


The walls I put up are a hundred feet tall;
No horizon to be seen or to chase after.
The map to this life is never written, just walked;
One mistake at a time,
So gone is my laughter.


I see the end, the gate is locked;
I climb over the top and down I drop.
When I get to the other side,
I find myself back at the beginning.
Woe is my revolving life.


Around and around in circles I go,
Into love I fall so deep it hurts.
I pick myself up and wait until it is long ago,
Then I fall again, repeating those empty words I hear from her.


Now they mean nothing,
Hoping for something to change,
But it all remains the same.
Love is just a revolving door with a queue.
Waiting on someone.  Waiting on you.
Serving you drinks, while you kiss and hug him.
Waiting to leave all of this!
But love is my cage and I am locked in.


So I waited…until I broke;
Never to be repaired.
Never again!
Never again will I wait,
To once more go away to allow me to breathe air.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.