Listen, I’m so sorry for it all:
The distance or the bailouts with only a last minute call
To be honest you’re lucky if I even text you back
It’s not that I don’t love you guys the reason is that-

In the eyes of all of ya’ll, I’m the life of the party
But I lament: my well of life is almost empty
And you have every right to call me selfish
that I should keep it all to myself
But how could I ever have enough to share when my well’s almost out

I’m not that man worth admiring anymore
That guy to chug a Monster and break dance on the floor
Not because i knew how to dance at all
But because I lived to find you rolling beside me on the floor
laughing so hard we all cried

I know you miss that guy:
The guy who could make anyone into a friend in the blink of an eye,
The guy who’d spend an entire day preparing a single joke so he could make your day
The guy who didn’t care what anyone thought of him
The guy who always had an idea to make today a day worth remembering

You guys, I miss him too-
And that’s why I keep my distance from you
I can’t go anywhere without feeling hollow and blue
I could never bring life to the party

Nowadays I just chase a drink or two
Attempting to escape the existential dread that’s bound to pursue
As I waste away in my corner glowering
at the room
Daydreaming of how I once danced
like that too

I quest every day after that amazing guy I once knew
The doctor’s say I have depression 
and anxiety..
But unless you’ve experienced living every day trapped within a shell of a person with expectations you could never 
live up to,
Here’s your explanation:
I have amnesia.. and I don’t remember
who I am

And if you could maybe try being there for me instead of watching me wish every moment towards impending oblivion.. then maybe...
just maybe
someday..
we can both find who we’re looking for