I want to let you know that I, whether or not you believe me, do at times know what's best for myself.
And right now this isn't feeling right.
I am feeling so pressured.
I am feeling so pushed.
I am feeling like I have been given a destination that does not exist.
Or one that is not reachable.
Like traveling from here to California on foot in 2 days.
I am feeling burdened.
I am feeling both hopeless and helpless.
I asked for a blessing, for a miracle, and what I was given was middle ground.
I hate the running back and fourth.
I hate the games.
I hate the hissing of faith and pride.
When I tell you I know where I am at I need you to listen.
Because this time I am telling you that I know where I'm at and what I need.
This time I am telling you that there is a certain level of faith that I have in myself, and I DO have faith in myself, but only so much and that's all that can be given, you know.
This time I am telling you to stop telling me that you have all the faith in me because you shouldn't.
You shouldn't.
Because you will be disappointed.
You're putting too much faith into me and like I said, I have a level of faith in myself, because I know I can do it but at my own pace, not at yours.
Or anyone else's.
Mine.
Listen to me.
Stop telling me you have so much faith.
Stop telling me I can do this now and now and now and when, and at this specific point.
I am feeling afraid.
I am feeling angry.