I have this horrible habit of not feeling my feelings
I don't know if its because I'm scared or if I even do feel
Maybe in the moment I don't; feel
Maybe those emotions just throw themselves into the ever spinning ball of feelings swirling in the catacombs of my mind
And they just sit and fester
Maybe all this is true:
But where do they go, you ask.
Well its a damning thing it is
That one small, tinny, most insignificant event can release months worth of anger, despair, and fear and hate
The tiniest thing can unveil the truth
The curtains which hides my eyes lifts for maybe one moment
But I already see it and I begin to cry
Because what I see, I don't like
What I see, I hate
So I sit here clamping my teeth so hard they might shatter
Holding my breath so in my throat sobs gather
Worthless tears that don't even matter
I threaten myself, I threaten, my heart
I threaten I'll beat me until my skin parts
Yet, nothing will happen
I'll probably forget the one day that I felt
And I'm ashamed to tell you why
Because what I do is wrong:
I just walk away
I make no changes
I once again feel no more
Why?
Because I'm scared out of my goddamn mind
I'm scared, and I can't tell anyone
Because if I do its real
And if its real
Then I'm fucked