You will never understand
What it feels like
To lie in bed at night
Not being to think about anything
Apart from the pair of scissors on your desk
Just three metres away.
You will never understand
What it feels like
To be kept alive by one person.
To completely rely on their love
And their very being.
And you will never understand
What it's like to hurt that someone
So much
Because you don't realise you are
Hanging onto the cracks in their foundations.
You are ripping them apart
And you're so self-consumed that
You don't notice them crumbling
Beneath your touch.
You will never know what it's like
To love life with such a passion
That your missed opportunities
Threaten to kill you.
You will never understand
How it is both a blessing a curse
To feel every emotion so deeply.
So purely.
To feel anger pumping through your bloodstream
To feel sadness dragging you to the bottom
To feel joy lifting you of the ground
And excitement bursting through you
Like sunbeams breaking through clouds.
You will never understand
How hard the simplest things are.
How contributing in class makes you sweat.
How him being late sends your heart into anaphylactic shock.
How leaving the house is enough to trigger a panic attack.
You will never understand
The difficulty of loving someone who doesn't notice you.
Because, believe me, no matter how long you live with it,
You will never get used to everyone meaning the world to you,
And you nothing to them.
You will never understand
How challenging it is to exist,
How hard it is to hold on to life.
You will never understand.
And I am so glad you won't.