It happens quietly. Sometimes I don't even notice
until I am by myself late at night, staring at the ceiling.
I realize that it's not because I can't fall asleep
it's because I can't find any peace.
The thought sticks out to me because it's so singular,
it can't latch onto something else.
When I'm sad I feel tired, I feel hopeless
I feel nothing at all.

It creeps up on me. slowly, then suddenly
I am engulfed, held captive by a heart that
has vowed to hurt itself, over and over again.
A never-ending invocation of spontaneous sadness
if only I better understood my soul.
Maybe then, I wouldn't feel for the world
maybe then, I could fade from this earth.