We parked our car in the middle of the woods
of the town I half grew up in
and when I had anticipated anxiety,
a flood of scattered memories,
I felt at peace.

The sunroof was open and midnight approaching,
we did not shut out the brisk air, we let it in
my lungs played a tune, an accordion in synch
with the frost and the moondlight around it
I closed my eyes and just sat, sure I would be tense at least,
but I felt at peace.

I felt whole though alone,
for the first time in months,
I felt home
in myself,
my demons did not follow me to sleep,
no. I felt peace.
I had to let the cold in to **** all the bugs
that crawled in my head and raised families this year,
I had to open the window when it was three degrees,
to let in the air that would abolish my fear,
I felt at peace,
just existing.