Yeah I may be a Christian and I may be a poet but that doesn't mean my Life is picture perfect. An addict to the Ice and a slave to the Mary Jane...I have learned to cope with it all. Yes I am a full functioning addict I work I pay my bills and I save my money. However, whenever I have extra I like to treat myself to my addictions. It's self medication and a solid connection to an altered state of mind. Meditating on what has gone wrong in my Life I am seeking help for consolidation perhaps my best friend long gone abandoned me to my own destination. What else to do where to turn...I don't know but it is a direct confrontation with my inner being and the devil and he wants my soul. So here I put it in writing and hope for some explanation. God is there with me but I only feel lamentation. So many paths one can choose but I am seeking spiritual exploration...but my soul is weary and tired of loneliness and isolation. Sometimes I feel am not good enough for God's grace or mercy or even salvation...but here I am writing about my experience alone battling my addictions. When am high I feel like I have secluded myself from my Life's many problems and trials forms of testing my caliber against the world filled with agony and despair. My life is in a point of turmoil and descending to an abyss. However, what am I to do am just a lone human seeking God...what else is there for me?

Inside my head are many fears. Unimaginable, uncontrollable the urge to feel accepted by society to just fit in to motivate myself to feel loved and appreciated by all mankind. Though the Age and time we live in that is just a far away dream...logically knowing it's impossible to please the masses with knowledge that is impeccable admirable and clean. To them am a lunatic a fanatic of dogma and God. What they don't know or understand is that am a sinner awaiting my redemption and also my salvation...to the one and only that provides the breath of Life and it's known creation.

Thinking on **** I am not contempt with the erroneous ways I have dealt with my life in the past. Will it all end one day will I be granted the glory of God? Or is it all im my head and I will end up in hell for being who I am today? Questions only God knows the answer to...questions upon questions...what ifs upon what ifs...doubts upon doubts. I am what I am today due to the decisions I made yesterday. But just let me be me and let God show me a way...so I can find my way back home and be there to stay.
©Franko the Christian Poet