Fishing the coins up from my pocket. One by one. Counting them carefully. Repeatedly. I hope I haven’t forgot some.
Just the thought of it makes me nervous. I’ll face the ground. What should I do if I have counted wrong? Just keep looking down.
Standing in line, trapped in a cage. The next one is me. Please, don’t do anything stupid. Count slowly to three.
The beeping from the machine. It’s too loud. The voices and smiles are all too much. I don’t belong in a crowd.
I am up front, the point of no return. Eye to eye. Looking down, giving the money. I am ready to die.
All the attention is now gone, I’m free. The exit has arrived. I can’t believe I did it once again. I can’t believe I survived.
Back when I was younger I was terrified when I had to face the cashier and pay all by myself. It was like everyone kept staring at me and I would always imagine the worst case scenario. Luckily I don't have that problem anymore. I have even worked as a cashier myself.