meeting you was drowning without water, i didn’t know i was already dead
my body was stronger before my tongue tasted your name and kissing you was like cliff diving to meet cement
your fingerprints left bruises without a warranty, i can no longer find my skin somewhere between lost and found, your hands are ghosts around my throat i choke on my own steps
you stain the bathroom tile like i’ve had too much to drink loving you was like eating a cereal box of sea glass, and still searching for the prize at the bottom my fingertips bleed broken promises
sometimes i sleep on the couch to avoid the absence of your shadow in my sheets my sheets still ask about you so do my parents
i rehearse words you’ll never hear my insecurities crawl out of your one-word responses and tell me i’m not worth more
for your love of multiples, i could have been anyone your hands carry the baggage of “ew she’s my best friend” i’ve lost count of all the ‘shes’
you were not searching for my heartbeat when your hands groped my chest i’ve had trouble finding my pulse lately
i need a receipt for our memories but they’re stuck to me like a shirt i can’t get over my shoulders i can’t get over your smile –
the way the corners curled like bare willow branches dancing in the wind to our song it was running your parseltongue through my veins, and i’d run out the high for days i think i’m still running, but my feet are stuck in the same **** city we met
your face is plastered post-it notes on all the places we had our firsts as if i need reminders you used to look in my eyes and mean it
i visit museums to remind myself beautiful things have history too
no one ever tells you that goodbye tastes like empty air, tastes like looking in the mirror and not being able to swallow yourself
i bear the scars of your touch, poetry scratched into my skin like tattoos
i remember the first time you hit me your palm crashed my cheek like a chance seismic stamp and i liked it
you told me, “run while you can i’m dangerous,” but i stuck around to be buried in the dirt of the grave you dug me with “hello”
sometimes i’m convinced we only hug so you can check my hands for a shovel