the day someone loves me unconditionally,
perhaps like my cat does...
i will know that it's
REAL.

i smiled & he rubbed his soft fur against me.
i laughed, loud, cackling  — out of breath  —
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i screamed in anger, i cursed, i banged doors.
i broke objects & felt the anger move through
my veins.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i clutched my stomach, unable to sleep.
anxiety running at an all time high.
eyes blood shot from a lack of sleep.
a nervous wreck i was.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i paid no attention to him,
burying my head in a ton of books
in an attempt to see A's on my report card.
& he rubbed his soft fur against me.

i grabbed a razor & let it get acquainted with my skin.
i let it paint streaks of red lines
& form a red waterfall down my arms & thighs.
i grabbed a bottle of alcohol & downed it in one go,
with a bunch of pills in my hands.
i looked at him & said, "i hope somebody takes care of you when i'm gone."
& he titled his head
& rubbed his soft fur against me.

perhaps we all once knew how to love like animals,
unconditionally...
but it seems the older we get, the more brain capacity we acquire
as our heart's capacity to love decreases.