like the bubbles of a bath
coalescing together
the sky is one great sea
i’m sinking clean in
rivulets of cosmetic colour
where the glitter are stars
i’m sinking in this night
as clouds clot to one another
cheetah print hover
i’m sinking in my footprints
headlights break the silence
playlist play a song to break
my vision sinking
senses swimming in
play me some 80s synth pop
until i fade into abstract image
am i a stain on the universe
or am i some profound detail?
play me like an unrendered
record player, nonexistence
parallel to my existence
the vibrations tuning into
my sinking frequency
i’m falling up into the horizon
what impression does my
splash make in the ocean
of this sky?

i’m in the same place where i wrote a poem about yew
where eye compared the dawning sky
to your aura of light
but i forgot yew can fall just as much
for potential instead of for who
yew are.
eye saw what i wanted to see.
yew bristles around me
sap drizzling thru my wounds
words of red berry yew dripped
onto me like a cloying poison.
i choked sweet in Faerie
hungering for more which i cannot
taste. hollow bark hollow branches
reaching for my spirit(s) as eye
cross onto another plane of existence
where yew cannot follow.
eye am hardly free in this place
childhood memories under the
yew tree making virulent memories
laurels & wreaths wrap around me
eye am guided? eye am saved?
by yew? following yew across
Hell’s rivers. the Styx looked back at me
in the eyes of myself. Acheron stung
like the needle of yew thistles.
The Lethe offered me cleanliness
but as eye cannot forgive
i do not deserve to forget.
Phlegethon scorned me like yew jealousy,
the Cocytus bade me deafness
thru my own wails & eye ran
these yew trial me, seeing if eye
cling like a cicada to your bark
screaming and shedding skin in graphic
rebirth of the self against yew.
eye run from the truth but i have yew
to thank. guide me threw
steer my path correction course.

the axe finally lands. yew fall.
eye use yew bark to burn away
what remains of you
&
eye.

i went to the place where
we first met,
and there i saw
the corpse of who you were.
i stood over you
i let the flies hit my face
i watched the vultures circle
waiting, waiting
until i finally left &
they could pick at your bones.
i stood there
as the clovers ate you
as my hands were left with blood.
i saw your corpse on that hill
where you said my age didn’t matter
i could still send you nudes
at seventeen & in love
with who i thought you were.
the you i thought you were
died on that hill
as it should have
when i asked you to stop drinking too much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to stop smoking so much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to never leave
and you did.
you died on that hill.
and i stood over your corpse
with my own blood on my hands
after killing myself for you.
i watched decay eat you on that hill
and i stepped back into myself
and i walked away.

i didn’t bother to bury you.
the vultures ate what was left.

I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME
AND I PRETENDED NOT TO CARE BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED
I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU
AND YOU DID NOT ******* CARE.

may i be the tower in tearing down
your structure.
in the same breath i am the chariot,
carrying you forward in light
past the destruction.
a living example that all of us have
to fall in order to pick ourselves
back up again, & carry on.
to rebuild back stronger you must
leave behind the ruin
to rise anew.
rubble ghosts blind the eyes
from the heart & jam into the wheels.
tear down rotten structure & leave
behind the thoughts of the mind
to refuse change & recovery.
i am a human with incredible buoyancy;
nobody else tears me down from
this tower better than myself,
just as nobody else can pick me back
up & make me get back to work
all over again, repeat the process
until you learn.
repetition cursing karmic cycles
break the chains of rigidity
embrace the cycle of chainge, cyclical.
the sun turns the planets which in turn
turn each other. as the earth
turns the moon, & the black hole at
the center, turns all of us.
remember to myself, this is part of the
process. lows are just as necessary
for learning as are the highs.

Universe is reaching out
Angels already calling

Time to go back on track
Been wandering longer
Than I should
To find pieces
Of me that were lost

Universe is reaching out
Angels already calling
I almost didn't recognize
As I started to forget
Who I am
And where I am going

Glad I finally heard
Message received

when you water it.
where you water me.
don’t overwater, please.
i’m already rotting.