My father said he loved me

Not the father you may have heard of
But the one who adopted me

And it was different than the way my abuser says he loves me
Because he treats my like a person he hates
But this 14 year old Trans dude who randomly said
"This one's mine"
Does

I love to chose my family

He showed up to my performance
He said he was proud
He didn't make a scene
He didn't yell
He didn't scream

He just hugged me
I hugged him

He cried
I cried

Hell I'm crying as I write this
I am so grateful for him

im getting better
but im scared for the downfall

It’s not talked about in Hollywood
Certainly not among the pretty people
I’m referring to when an actor actress in bodies a role so well you generally don’t recognize them

I’m referring to their acting being so convincing that you see only the character unfolding,
even if it was only for a minute before it clicked
I’m not talking about minimal physical transformation, not heavy, prosthetics or CGI for example which would obviously disguise a person.

When an actor immerses themselves in a character
They are taking away their character completely
In doing so they’ find myself in a paradox
When does acting end and their character begin

They train all their life to be a believable character
To personify little idiosyncrasies to define depth
Part of this training is believing you are
who you say you are

At gatherings and parties they try
to be themselves But who is that?
They’re celebrated for other characters
they became, does that character remain
Are there attributes that glam onto
their psyche soul that won’t let go.

They become more unsure of the real world and their part in it. People accuse them of acting.
A pugnacious member takes issue argument, transpire the actor in a quagmire
Fight or flight what characteristics to prevail

Is it any wonder why a significant number of actors actresses, run to psychologists or psychiatrists for years of therapy or psychotherapy?.Major decisions rehashed for other’s opinion what should I do?

Think of the movies where an actor changed himself so much for a character that
you did not recognize him. if only for a minute.
I could name a few.

Keith Ledger as The Joker( his last role)
Fellow Actors said he was so scary.
They couldn’t even say their lines.
The darkness that came out of him

There are others, but these readily come to mine

Heath Ledger in Batman
Dustin Hoffman in Rain man
Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade
Matthew McConaughey in, The Buyers Club

Christian Bale in Machinist
Jake Gyllenhaal and Brokeback Mountain
Sylvester Stallone in Rocky

People’s burning desires come to California
To become a star, follow their dream they’ll go far
Life is not what it seems broke, sleep in the car
Are you willing to sell your soul to become a star?

Can you survive The Harvey Weinstein‘
Movie Mogul  type the casting couch slouch
Roofie, **** drug without  consent
or The music scene P Diddy type Hell bent

I encourage you to watch some of these movies where the actors are so far above the rest


Inspired songs
1) Vogue live MTV awards YouTube1990
By Madonna
2) American woman
The Guess Who 1970
3) mama told me not to come
By Three Dog Night
4) The long and windingRoad 1970
By the Beatles
5) evil way
By Santana


BLT Webster’s word of the day challenge
April 15, 2025 pugnacious
Someone described as pugnacious shows a readiness or desire to fight or argue

They say there's no thing as true love,
Humans are also fondly known to lie,
I just can't believe it,
Not after knowing you.

I can't say it enough times,
I need something more to really let you know,
I yearn for you,
You are a necessity.

Even when times get dark,
We light each other up,
Even when they plant seeds of doubt,
We sprout even brighter than before.

We grow, we love,
We tire, we sleep,
We rest, we're restless.
I think, I think of you.

“How Can I Find True Love” will always belong to the juke box in the upstairs dance hall above the general store at a little known hot springs resort called Sol Duc, in the Olympic Peninsula forests of the state of Washington.
I worked at the soda fountain there during the summer after I graduated High School in 1957. It was a very rustic place and there was no radio reception. All we had was the juke box. We teenage workers all lived in little cabins in the woods.  We cleaned the resort cabins, ran the little store, waitressed in the cafe, made Peanut Butter Milkshakes at the soda fountain and generally had a good time.  One day a man came to put the latest records in the juke box, including a new group, the Del Vikings.  We didn’t know which side of the record was the hit.  We chose “How Can I Find True Love” and played it endlessly.  Only after the summer ended and we all rejoined normal society did we learn that “Come Go With Me” was the big hit.
ljm

songs along the way
and singers abound

the woe of the world
is not for the child

the child is free
from forever to ever

no mortal grist
can wound love.

"Love is the worst religion,"
croons the dying television,

with no further explanation;
well, thanks for the news -

I see myself in emptied glass,
a bust carved rude and inchoate,

poet, captain, lost apostle
of the worst religion,

baptized in changeling pools
of day and week, scribbling

my night's peak breath
on the flypapers of insomnia.

Sun over sainted skin,
stars where evening eyes were,

swain's vespers, all of it
splitting like new ripe fruit

in sticky hands of the acolyte,
ardent hands of little silver.

The feeling
In your chest
Of something pulling it inside of itself
Twisting it
Twisting it
Twisting it
Until it bleeds
It throbs
And it won't stop
It won't stop
Why won't it just stop?

But do you know the feeling
Of just wanting someone to notice
To care
To heal the wounds or at least tell me that they are able to be healed
That a certain amount of care
A certain amount of gentle, loving handling will be able to fix it

There is so much broken
And it hurts
It hurts like hell and no one sees
I AM BLEEDING IN FRONT OF THEM
AND THEY STILL DON'T SEE

I sit in class
Stare at my empty paper
Write the same words
Over
And
Over
And
Over
And they hand me a test
Or they talk about drama
Or they pretend I don't exist (are they even wrong?)
When I just needed a hug

I needed to wrap my arms around someone
And no longer feel like I was on a different planet than everyone else while simultaneously being directly next to them
I want our bodies to touch,
Our souls to entangle,
And our heartbeats to slow eachother down

And now I hug my pillow

I know I have people who care
But they don't see
And if they don't see
They won't have a reason to hug me

And my chest is still twisted
I want it to stop
I want it to stop
I want it to stop

H
     e
         l
               p
      

        M
    e

you cut open
pomegranate
or is it—
man go?

you take your knife
and you scrape
and you scrape
and you scrape
until it's bared all its pride
until all you hit is flimsy thin rind