Struggling to deal with parts of this relationship I cannot stand- you, off high or drunk, leaving me alone for months at a time. The way a door for infidelity opens, far too warm. While you're off in your own world, doing I-will-never-know what, a golden lion boy holds his hand out, purring words of pure honey.

People keep saying
"It's better to write than think about it"
But I can't

I cannot write
That chaos thing in my head
I just can't

And sadly
Not a single word came out of my mouth
I can't release all this depressed things
So it still
Stays on my mind

I loved a man
with all my heart
and he said
he loved me back.

But months later
he went with her
so now my heart
has a crack.

A crack so wide,
it could swallow
you whole, like all
I ever wanted to be.

Now everyday,
I suffer the truth
That who he wants
Has never been me.

i.

I’m into you like moons. I’m sorry.
That’s not what you want to hear. I’m
into you like how my shoulders make waves.
There is a river tearing down from my neck.  
I think maybe you think that you are inside
of me like a second burden. No, but see, I
have so many souls all taped to my gutters,
to my insides. I think that’s why I’m always
holding doors open for strangers.

ii.

I went to my father like clay.
He melted my hands and told me
not to worry and told me not to snow.

iii.

I’m always so very strangerly. Especially
with people on subways. We’ve been on a subway
together once. In fifty years we will be on a subway
together again but it will be by accident like when
you bruise your temples on the corner of the bathroom
sink.

iv.

I’m mostly singing a lot mostly
because it makes my throat disappear
mostly because all of the windows are breaking
anyway so what does it matter. Windows breaking
from some storm. The snow is supposed
to last for five days.

v.

Hello, father, I have disobeyed you.
Look I am falling to the ground,
look I can’t get up, how exciting.

If, one day,  a fairy went to my room and grant me a wish, I would ask her to give a one day tour at fairy tale land.

First, I will seek Cinderella and introduce her the new released washing machine.  I will give her an elegant Primadonna shoes and create an escalator in Prince Charming's castle for her convenience.

Next, I will wake up Aurora from her nightmare with my full blast metallic rock music. I will give her the gift of gorgeousness and she will be called "The Sleeping Gorgeous".

I  will look for Rapunzel's hidden castle and give her a new pixie cut hair. I will suggest her to have an elevator in her elevated castle. I can endorse her Prince the microphone, so it would be effortless for him to shout  "Rapunzel! Let down your hair".

I will also go to Snow White and add bananas, mangoes and cream to her apple and give her the recipe of fruit salad. To maintain her white skin, I will give her BB cream and cherry red lipstick from Mac, for her kissable lips.

Lastly, I will take a photo with the fairy tale characters and post it on Instagram, with a caption "TOUCH DOWN! FAIRY TALE LAND"