mungkin alam semesta turut berduka atas kepergianmu.

nothing coming in mind,
i always came up with some plan,
but today was different.

maybe that was because i now know what poetry is,
it aint just some art ,its something living.
its a painkiller to those with injured hearts,
its a depressant to those with crying thoughts,
its the ***** to the stressed ,weeping ,worried.

life is a drawing board and you have the brush ,paint a beautiful picture.
dont care about anything and you definitely wont have worries,
who cares who will like my poem or not,
according to sarah i should just be me, be yourself.
share what your inner voice is telling you,
dont be shy tell them your problems too
write it all as long as its true.

poetry might be my way out,
let me be an addict at least i will die from something i could live without.
put your emotions into it and spice it up with metaphors
and when you are done go show that very person who said you couldnt.

know yourself ,
know where you from ,
know where you stand,
and you wil definitely know you are heading.

i didnt even know her ,
i just loved her poetry on hellopoetry.com
something in them just married with my inner being,
im so confused.

i thought it was to pass but the feeling never changed
what was wrong with me?
she was definitely think im crazy or something if she knew
but hey she was the one who told me that i should be free in my poems
so i am today.

i thought of what she looks like , definitely beautiful i guess
i thought of her voice , how sweet it might sound
i asked my self ,what she think about me after she reads this
will she like this crazy talk of mine or she will never talk to me again.
im crazy i know .

but how could it be it be ?
having feelings for someone you hardly know ,
someone who is millions of kilometers away from you,
someone you will never meet any day.

maybe we can turn that around ,can we?
i think i know her from what her poems projects about her,
she might be millions miles away but her inner feelings are just in front of me ,in her poems
never say never maybe i will meet her one day in this life or the other.

wow,i never knew i could be this crazy about someone i knew only her user name ,sarah.
who are you sarah?

god ****** she misses you

and god ****** i miss you

and im sorry, god, for swearing but i have run out of ideas on how to make this no good shapeshifting warm handed boy notice me remember when he said i love you

this is not a goodbye you don't deserve one this is not a plea for help see previous poems, twitter, my wrists, etc this is not a romanticization of your destructive ways and i no longer hear birds sing when you torch cities and i can't bring myself to see the love in your inferno so what the hell do i have left to say to you

i once wrote that you left love letters on my tongue and that you made drowning fun but i have come to the conclusion that those are both in fact lies and that the only thing you left on my tongue is the bitter taste of your name and beer and that drowning is ******* terrible and so are you

i remind myself everyday that you must have been a good person somewhere along the way and that there must have been some point where you actually did miss the feeling of my skin and that i was the only one you cared for- but i must also remember the day you filled my vacancy and turned on the lights and i still see you in the smiling pictures hung on the walls like your head in the hall whenever i pass by and i remember the day you moved out and on to nicer things and to this day you have succeeded in making the whole thing feel like an eviction, like it was me that wanted you gone and my peeling wallpaper has since revealed that the only thing holding me together was you

funny how every part of this poem ends with you and funny how every thought these days ends with you

and it's funny how when things ended with you you were the only one laughing

this is not a cry or a plea or an appology

this is a eulogy from me to you and i will not waste any more metaphors or adjectives or nights where i should be fast asleep on your whirlpool eyes and twisted smile

you once said, at 3 am, "you know when you're as close to loving someone as physically possible without actually saying it?" and i replied with "yes" and i love you i love you i love you

i hope flowers grow from your rotting heart and i hope you wake up some life and feel just a hint of remorse as you look into her eyes

i'm not a poet and you're not a nice boy and there was a time when i would devote my life to writing about the way you touched my cheek and you would devote your life to exploring the small of my back

that life has ended and i hope she holds you close enough at night

(my own hands will find comfort in the folds you left unnoticed and i will let myself hear the whispers of flattery upon every surface i touch. i will love myself and i will learn to not love you and i will find someone that i can love without pushing myself aside)

I saw them making plans without me and all I could think of was how the history has repeated itself. I was left out in the first grade then in the fourth grade then in the ninth grade, and now, I'm in the eleventh grade and no one seems to give a **** about my fading light. I honestly can't blame them for leaving me to stand here all by myself because that's just me -- unwanted and uninteresting -- but I wonder how everything happened so fast. Just four months ago life was bearable and I had more than one person texting me all night; something that I couldn't even imagine. I took a long car drive with people I was gladly to call friends and we did stuffs that every normal, undamaged teenager would do; something that I'd never felt before. I even had my first kiss on February and it was overwhelming, all those feelings of "you're wanted" and "I got your back" and "we'll all stick by your side." But it's not February now, it's October, the month where the leaves fall and apparently, so does my happiness. I keep seeing them making plans without me and I just can't stop thinking of how easy it is for people to find me boring and dull. I don't know whether to curse them or myself. I didn't know that happiness could find its way out of my life. I thought I had gotten better, but apparently I still drag the black hole behind me.

The only way I have left to describe how I'm feeling is gray. Empty and gray and like I'm not anything at all, because in all reality, I'm not. Someday, I will be dead, and this will be all that's left, these words right here. I'll be words on a screen on a website.