You say you’re over me
But the number of times you check my Instagram say otherwise

You say you don’t think of me
But all you’ve written has us forever memorized

You say you don’t care anymore
But your mind still wonders if I’m doing better without you

You say you don’t want me back
But to get me back, you’ve planned what you could do.

you make me want to burn mistletoe
I hope you slip on melted snow
I’d say you’re getting coal for christmas
but you deserve something more worthless.

My grandmother gifted me a jar of buttons when I was little.
There were so many inside the jar that it was impossible she collected them by accident; impossible that she had collected them for the purpose of sewing old clothing back together.
Her button jar serves as a reminder to me, a reminder of how perfect she was that she never needed them to mend old shirts she had torn,
because she was too perfect to have torn any in the first place.
I wonder if she gave them to me on purpose, or on accident.
If she had given them to me as a keepsake of her, to show all she had collected,
Or as a precaution, because she knew I was going to need to mend so much of my future.

We all have little magics.
Maybe you can lick your elbow
Maybe you’ve never broken a bone
Maybe you can tie a perfect bow
Maybe you’ve never cracked your phone
We all have little magics.
Maybe you have thousands of rocks
Or you manage to collect buttons instead
Maybe you take care of 7 or more dogs
Or look good with no hair on your head

Because we all have little magics
Our own unique bag of tricks
Used to secure our own humanity
Our own unique way of defying gravity.

When I was 13, I learned what manipulation felt like.
I may not have noticed it,
because I was in too much middle-school-love to see that he loved seeing my jealousy,
loved to trick me,
loved to trip me down the rabbit hole over and over again,
with no end within my scope.
I didn’t even know how to cope,
because it didn’t seem like I was supposed to.
Taking a step back and analyzing is the first step of taking your life back.