missing you when
you are here
that's the worst way
to have it

isn't it?

Me and you and poems

Ages ago i used to love poetry
I could write anything
Anywhere any time
Even my dreams consisted of poems
I would wake up middle of the night
Looking frantically for paper
So the poem that had formed in my dreams wouldnt disappear
All i would write about was you,
Me, me and you, and us
My poems were happy with
Those few moments we had spent together
Poems that contained fragments of memory in them
Of me and you walking together
They were happy poems
They'd make me smile and blush
And then i stopped and the happy poems stopped
Me and you, we stopped
I dont know why but after that
There were no more poems
I had nothing to write about
Poems as i knew them had to have
Smiles and laughter and love
I didnt have that with you gone
So i stopped
But then you came back and
The poems started again
And here we are
Happy again
Everything is beautiful again
But now theres question in my poems
An uncertainty a lack of trust maybe
Will these poems ever stop again

My nerves feel like
they are going to bunch up
and crawl out
of my body

Panic settles in
doesn’t come out
thankfully

The possibility of papercuts
fills my head
then my brain starts rushing thoughts of
them all over my body on overload

It feels like there are ten million
needles piercing my skin

Feels like the world is going to end
for one second
and I keep holding on
because I have to

I don’t want to

I don’t want to

But I have to

It is necessary for life
how can you live without it

So I keep grabbing on
and holding on
no matter the torture I feel
because I have to
I tell myself

I have to

I whisper in your ear that I want every inch of me to be touching every inch of you.
We share intimate kisses, and the word kisses doesn't even support the weight of the actual feeling exchanged when we kiss.
You stare into my eyes, and I'm not sure you can see me anymore than I can see you.
I rub the end of my nose on yours, because kissing is noisy, and
I hope I translate accurately how I feel
I shake my head, because I am so happy
I laugh at how much I love you, and how I feel.
The desire my body and soul have for you is immense.
And last night it was overflowing, in the back of your mother's car.

Yesterday I found out that the antidepressants I am on can decrease feeling in my lady parts.
I cried, not violently.
The tears slipped down my cheeks
because I realized it now affects every part of me.
My illness starts in my head, and ends in my toes.
Iam plagued with this, for what seems like forever.
Am I able to enjoy anything?
Eating makes me fat, happiness turns to sadness, my art is never good enough, *** won't make me feel a thing, friends leave, holidays disappoint me.
I hope you'll never leave me, you're my one and only.
I'm gonna marry you.
It won't get any easier, and I hope you stay for the bad and good.

I do not love my life jacket.
But I do know it's necessary, I still wonder why me? when every once in awhile I swallow a gulp of the sea.
My life jacket comes in a capsule, it keeps my mouth above the water.
I am no longer drowning, I have my life jacket, and I learned to swim without the sharks 'helping' me.
Maybe I won't need the jacket soon, but for now I swallow it
The thought of my life jacket.
Maybe I'll be able to swim on my own
Hopefully soon because I do not love my life jacket.