i cannot imagine my life without you.
i do not want to actually.
even the mention of you not being by my side,
brings tears to my eyes.
i love you so much.
it hurts.
i ask myself repeatedly,
how did i function before you were in my life.
and the answer is,
i didnt.
you bring a smile to my face when there are tears in my eyes.
you are the little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that i am beautiful.
that i am worth it.
you are the reason that i wake up in the mornings
and the reason that i do not sleep at night
you are the reason that i have not killed myself yet
you are the reason that i breathe
the reason that my heart beats
and the reason that i laugh.
i do not know
how in such a short period of time,
you have has this such effect on me
but from your smile to your cynical remarks
to your memes to the little freckles on your back,
i am more sure
than i have ever been
that i am in love with you.

there is an unrecognizable void in my chest
hindering my ability to function
intelligence high, performance low
emotions non-existant
I can no longer muster up the courage to look in the mirror
to face the disappointment
that is me
the words;
I'm broken
I'm stuck
I'm broken
play in my head like a broken record
I don't want to look at myself
I can't anymore
it gets worse every day
a new kind of pain and I don't know
I don't understand
why it hurts so so much
but I have stopped telling people about it
I have stopped crying
I have stopped asking for help
I have stopped ranting on my finsta
I have covered my life with a blanket of perfection
masking all of the negativity
so I no longer seem attention seeking, vain, self-pitying
annoying
yet and still
darkness seeps between my fingertips
I have rotted away everything that made me who I was
I no longer know anything
but this is my cry for help