She stares at the ocean the way she sees her life
As all was lost
Like there’s just too much to grasp
As if she didn’t have a say
As if she has no control
She loves the salty air caressing her body
And the sand hugging her feet
Not understanding that nobody is loving her
Because she‘s not loving us
She reaches for the edge time and time again
While we reach for her and pull her back
She walks down the coast in a haze
While we search in the fog for her
She is lost at sea
Singing to herself about a drunken sailor
Do I forgive her...
For giving up
For letting go
No, no I don’t.

Nobody knows you
Nobody knows us
Because there was never an us at daylight
We were no more than that night
When I told you everything
Things I never knew I hadn’t said
Secrets I didn’t realize I’d been hiding
And you fed me your heart
Poured out your history to relate to mine
And we became one book with our story
Our words seeped into each others skin
And faded into the wooden planks on the walls
And beams on the ceiling
Sheltering that moment, protecting the purity
Something about you compelled me to talk
Something inside of me forced me to listen
5am came and you were gone
6:30 past and I was gone
We’re out here in this big world alone
But I know you’re not alone because part of you is with me
And I’m not alone because part of me is forever with you

Yes, we have counties
Boundaries and lines
But they’re all faded
Just like us
We have territories
Invisible chalk that we do not cross
For if you cross, prepare to be crossed
Back up, eyes up, guard up
We fight each other
For love. For our beliefs. For loyalty.
We fight for our territory
Yet we protect us. All of us
We shelter us, no exclusions, no exceptions
We are California and we are our own breed.

The one who did very little & the one who did it all
Had one thing in common
The girl who made each feel like he was not enough

I know this ache
This persistent migraine
I’ve always known it’s the memory of you
Trying to escape
Looking for a way out
Pounding on left side of my brain
Familiar patterns of banging
Driving me utterly insane
DON’T CONSUME WITH ALCOHOL the bottle said
I closed my eyes and downed that champagne
Anything to **** the memory of you
In my heart and my upper domain