“Penny for your thoughts” he said
I’d be rich if I gave you even a handful of those
Pennies turning into bands
And your brain would surely overdose
I drink you down, I feel you closely
Thinking of every effect you have on me
Analyzing your words, extracting what I like hearing
I’m quiet but I’m thinking of the meanings

I could have seventeen thousand likes
But there's only one I want
Seventeen hundred heads turning
All but the one I wanted to respond
I feel like I'm seventeen again
Begging for your attention
Seventeen million empty faces
And I'm unable to make a connection
Life line linked to you
From one thousand seventeen miles distance
Building a wall of strangers and space
Is my way of showing my resistance

I was the sweet sugar on his mouth
Melted on his tongue
Like snowflakes
Tingling his senses
A refreshing experience
And he sipped me like coffee
Like some kind of caffeine addict
Again and again pressed against his lips
I wanted so much to be his habit
Oh but I was, and I'll never forget it
He's long gone now
And I'm just that stained mug in his cabinet

Yes, it is true
I once believed that I loved you
Just as I once believed in faries

They told me not to wait for you
And I forgot to breathe
I waited like a waiter and I'm still waiting
I catered and excused you
And I'm still being used
I can't let go
I can't say no

They told me not to wait for you
To change, to show up, to love me
Don't hold your breath, they said
But here I am because I forget to breathe

I remember the rainy night I showed up on your door step begging for answers

It was 2 years later and I cried like it was yesterday

You invited me in and even though I hated you, in I walked

I remember feeling brave
I remember feeling broken, shattered
I remember how easily you brushed my tears off
But you acknowledged how **** I was
Such causality
And I wondered why you had asked me inside with no feeling of remorse.

I left shortly thereafter with fewer answers than I came with
I left with the feeling of regret all over again like a fresh coat of paint

But something happened that night
Somewhere between following you from room to room
Talking about insignificant memories
You reminded me that people move on
You reminded me how sometimes strength is a deep rooted pain, disguised.
And in that night I learned that I don't want your excuses after all
Even if you had any to give.