I have a feeling that my heart beat bigger
I have a feeling
That the fall grows steeper
My hands are shaking
The ground is breaking
My heart is failing
My soul is fading

Ambition fade
As mountain grow great
Not mountain of stone
Nor of earth
But mountain of
                    Lack of transparency

I feel my heart beat bigger
Not of love
Nor of passion
But bigger of
Lack of sleep
And desperation

                      I feel my mind
                      Of reluctance entwined

But I have to go
I have to do
I don’t have a choice
For the choice
Is mine alone
And a choice
Made a long time ago

The air my lungs grows stagnant
Between heartbeats
Heartbeats that dance
As he pumps it in his hand
Squeeze release. Squeeze release
Slowly, fluidly
Keeping time with his own
Basking in the moments between moments
Increasing and decreasing at his will
By his hand
Rolling on the sea of tympani
The music of his heart
Bleeds life into my own
Riding the crescendo
Between the stillness
Hidden in the silence of time

My smoke will save me every time.
Relieve me of my vacancies that
Inhabit vagrantly in my mind...
Settle down
With subtle frowns
of blatant false complacency.
My smoke will hide
the sadness that I love;
From myself
And the rest of me.
You
can't
see
all of
us.
My smoke will shield me.
Protect me from the laughter
of the ones I care most about
and the ones I know I shouldn't

I either haven't met them
Won't meet them
Or am letting them slip
Through my fingers