I normally write about love and heartbreak
But then I have decided to take a different route

It took one man to change the thinking of my fellow citizens
So it took one video to open the minds of people
I guess at the back of people's minds they knew that
they were suffering but they were just too scared
Now I'm not a violent person
But for the past week my mind has been telling me to write this
The reason why people aren't standing up is because
They are afraid of being beaten up or being arrested
My dad was telling me that in the 1970s
When he was in university
They would take it to the streets protesting against the terrorists
That were taking away their freedom
Now I've got a feeling that in ten years time
Something bad is going to unfold

There is always that one person
Who makes a difference in your life
He might not be of existence in your life now
But he is out there somewhere
I know that one person in my life
And that is my brother
He dives with me through thick and thin
He gives me both shoulders to cry on
He is the epitome of a loving brother
He takes care of me when I'm sick
He is the teddy bear I hang on to
In rough times
He is the rock that shields me from the storm
He is the algae that protects me from weathering
I have never loved anyone else
The way I love him
It is pretty much hard for me
To love someone more than my brother
I love my brother so much
That I guard him with jealousy

So life influences you to make irrational decisions that mess up your life
These decisions leave you broken and shredded into tiny pieces
You look for answers from different people
But all their answers are vague or they don't console you
So you turn to the Bible to Psalm 142
That's where your soul is consoled
That's when God answers you
He gives the best advice
Though you might not like it

You leave me second guessing
You tell me that I'm a priority but instead
Your actions evidently show that I'm an option
Falling for you was never the plan but it happened
Fighting is the norm of the day
But why do I keep coming back??
The other girls receive long texts from you
But you punish me with one word answers
Pain is now my personality
Because you inflict it upon me
Karma is a ***** and it's coming for you

Our journey started off four years old
Innocence was our middle name
At first I was reluctant to talk to you
But as time went on
I began liking our conversation and just enjoying your company
Then I started getting upset when you wouldn't talk to me
Or when you were too busy for me
When I was stressed about school you were my stress reliever
You made me feel so good in so many ways
Then you started getting too comfortable with me
That you would tell me everything
And I did the same
I fell for you deep
I dated other people because you weren't ready for commitment
But surprisingly I always came back to you
And then we got into a really big fight last year
And we stopped talking for a while
But my mind would always drift back to you
What can I say I was still in love with you
I just didn't know it
And not acknowledging that cost me a lot
We started talking again and apologized to one another
But it was not long before I ******* up again
I'm going to use the term I ****** up big time
This time I know that it's over
I keep crying day and night
Regretting the pain I have caused you

I didn't know I was playing with fire
When we indulged in our escapades
But at the back of my mind
A still small voice enlightened me
On the results that were going to unfold
This is not the first time
You have hurt me
It is your fourth
The question is why?
What have I ever done to you?
The reason why I cant say no to you
Is that I have a soft spot for you
I just can't say no to you
You inflict me with pain
Using your malicious acts
Bear in mind that I don't love you
I just have a soft spot for you

I keep bumping into you
Now I'm thinking is it fate or
I'm just mind ******* myself
I still feel guilty about
What I put you through
Don't worry I don't want you back
I just want to know if you have forgiven me
At least if you tell me that you're okay
I can finally move on

Another one sweeps me of my feet
Then drops me like i was nothing
Yet again im left to pick myself up
Like the queen i am
Dust off my gown
Put a smile on my face
And put back the crown
He removed from my head

In the midst of it
You were there
Lingering around the shadows
Watching them prey on me
Waiting for the oppotune time
To devour them
Damaged beyond repair
You healed, elevated and cherished me
Restored my pride
And gave me a sense of belonging

I was taught as a little kid that you should forgive those who wrong you
As the years progressed on a question arouse from my mind
What if you wrong yourself ? How do you forgive yourself then?
The Bible says it's not in human nature to forgive
So another question haunts me,
'Why are we taught to forgive others when it's not in our nature'
At times it's easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself
It has taken me two  months to forgive myself for falling for the wrong person
I don't know how long it will take me to forgive myself for hurting someone so dear to me

Are we back to this??
Are we back to tossing ourselves into this whirlwind of confusion
Why do you think that its okay to treat me like an option
When i have clearly shown you that you are much more than that
Did you mean all those things to say to me or were you just intoxicating my mind with lies and dreams that i believe were fairytales
I yet again feel depressed by your actions
You have taken me from a world of solitude to a world of lonliness
When i thought you were rescuing me you, instead were endangering me
Listen i am a strong woman i get over **** just tell me its over and i pack my **** and leave