******* ******* *******
******* and your pretty eyes that put the stars to shame
******* and your smile that made my tummy flutter for days
******* and the way your smell intoxicated me
******* and the way your arms kept me from falling apart
******* and how you made me feel so safe
******* and how you broke my heart
******* ******* *******

You have
pieces of star-matter
in you.
That fact alone
makes you
relevant.

it's me.
the real me.
leaving without evidence.
leaving as if nothing happened.
It's me.
don't worry.
in a situation like this, I have to put on something useful.
to ease the pain.
to forget my mistakes.
wearing it again.
it feels nostalgic.
the mask.
very useful.
pretending.
show the fake until everything is normal again.
.
.
.
painful.
deep inside my heart is beating painfully.
i can't expect anything anyway.
It's not something I have to fight.
I'm just expecting....
expecting too much.
And it hurts. it hurts so much that I feel numb.
same pain for the last years - the pain of leaving.
no, maybe the pain of being unloved, insecure, ignored and.....
Maybe i love him so much that leaving is the hardest thing to do now.
If I will not do the right thing, I'll just feel this pain over and over again.
or let this mistake become right??

what to do? what to do?

I'll take your hand and shake it
Congratulate you and inside my pocket
I'll take a letter that contains this
Little message I call a poem

I'll give it to you and then
I'll probably smile weakly but it's genuine
All my best wishes to you I'll send
Then I'll leave, holding my tears as much as I can

You see I wrote this way back when
She was mine and I was still her present
For some reason something happened
A battle we can never ever win

But anyway the reason I wrote this
For you and for her, but mainly for my peace
Cause there are things you should know, you really need
So jot down notes and to me you should heed

You should learn the art of making surprises
Not to force it to you, but that's what I've started
You should continue, so that she won't feel different
It doesn't matter what kind, just be consistent

Don't write her poems
I would like to leave that gesture as mine
To separate myself from you and from them
To trademark myself in her mind

Understand her vanity, it's what defines her
Support her confidence, don't make it crumble
She'll share this within you, you'll soon discover
So, won't you agree she's the most beautiful?

Be open to her, tell her everything
She likes to tell stories, make sure to listen
Be funny, keep her smiling and laughing
Even if being stupid is what it means

There will be times you'll feel unsure
Just always be reminded of your love for her
Do not let your love and faith falter
As her love for you will vanish next to never

Don't ever hurt her, oh don't you dare
Do remember that I still care
I will have the upper hand in case
You won't have it fair and square

Finally, love her like you'll never love again
Give her your full loyalty and be firm as you can
Because she is worth it and that is what she deserves
You'll never find anyone like her I swear

But still after all I wrote
I prayed that I won't need to pass this letter on
That I'll just keep this letter to myself
And will reread this in the future as a reminder

Because I don't want to leave her side
I don't want to be just her past
I want to be her present and future
And somehow prove that there is forever

However, if you were true
On second thought, I won't be giving this to you
No, because I don't want you to have a clue
Because I'll be bitter if she and I were through

Now, I am not even sure why I'm writing this
Maybe, just in case, I give this warning
To myself and to you, a future intruder
Or maybe, to at least have myself a souvenir