I had a favorite shirt
with pictures of cute dogs on it.
But you told me
that girls shouldn't wear shirts like that to church
because it wasn't pretty enough.
I never wore it to church again.

I never wore it again.

You took me to the very upstairs of the church,
and then even higher
to the bell tower,
where we pulled the rope and sounded the bell
after church was over. Then we ran away
and hid under the pews.
We must have been good hiders, because
we never got in trouble.

All I remember about you
is your first name
and that I laughed at you a lot.
But you were a little mean.
I didn't even think you were funny,
but I felt like I had to laugh.
Why did I feel like I had to laugh?

You were the only boy I knew,
so I figured we would probably have  to get married
and that was all I knew.
We used to hide in the bushes behind your house
And pretend we were married.

You are always younger, but
always still make me a little nervous.
Maybe it's your voice.
Maybe it's your face.
Maybe it's how you aren't afraid to talk to people,
but you never talk to me.

I'd known you for all five years of my life
when I learned we are cousins.
I envied the seven months of wisdom you had
more than me.
You had a dog I loved
and a stuffed cat that purred.
You saw the elephants in Chiang Mai
seven months before I did.

She is dead.
It’s fate’s fault.
But only sixteen.
That’s too young
To leave us.

He found it.
Her dead body,
Under the dock.
She’d been missing
For 45 minutes.

She was dead
Before anyone knew.
He never forgot
Finding her there,
Already far gone.

The ambulance came,
But too late.
No hope left
That she might
Still be okay.

It tore him.
Tore him apart.
You could see
The hurt inside
His circled eyes.

It started small
Just a sore,
On his cheek.
But it grew.
And it spread.

From one came
Another and another
Painful sores on
His deformed face,
Eating him away.

Then he left,
To find help.
Because it hurt
Far too much.
Even inside him..

He was gone
A long time.
We were hoping
He found whatever
Help he needed.

We finally heard.
A letter came.
But from him?
We didn’t know.
We couldn’t tell.

Scrawled in marker,
Were two words.
Our hearts stopped.
There it said
Only: “HELP
           JUDE”

He needs help?
Or found it?
We didn’t know.
Then we saw
Something more chilling.

A photograph slipped
From the envelope.
It was him.
But was it?
Didn’t look right.

His face, gone.
Rotted by sores.
Eaten all  away.
Hollow. Empty. Gone.
Then we knew.

In silent shame
Our eyes closed.
Because we knew
We should have
Helped him first.

We were the
Help he needed
Before he needed
Anything at all.
“We didn’t know.”

A bad excuse
Because we knew.
We always knew.

You always know.