Sneezing constantly
Nose keeps leaking
Red, it looks like you have a cold
White powdery substance on the toilet seat
Walking around like nothing happened

Used it for some years
You went to prison for stealing from the neighbors
Some time later...
You and your friends ended up in prison
Trying to rob a couple with a plastic gun
Almost got away but not far
Went to prison for ****
You made mother's life miserable
Every time she came from you
She looked like she wanted to cry

Came out of prison
Got a job still lives with mother
But she doesn't care as long as her son is safe
Now you're back on the stuff
A bad addiction you can't shake off
Making everyone's live a living hell
We all accepted you fate
But mother thinks its not too late

Hoping, praying that I'll be with you someday
Keep thinking things are gonna change
Thinking im gonna have my way
But I lost, everyday takes me further away
From you
I want you here with me now
I have to admit that I miss you
But you're not here
You're over there somewhere doing what you do best and I'll probably see you when there's only a few pieces of you left

I will be there in the end to piece you back together and send you on your way
I miss how the sun kissed your cheeks when you're lying next to me
The way you talk in your sleep
Mumbling incoherent word
But they're the secrets that I keep


It pains me to share you with the rest of the world
I don't mind you growing as a person but please Remember who you are and who loves you the most cause I'll be there at the end of the Road

All I could do was cry
All these memories a loud mess in my head
Broken promises I'd rather forget
His eyes his smile his everything
Everything we had is down the drain
Every kiss we stole a impression in my brain
Nothing hurt me more than losing the man of my dreams
And all I could do was cry
Body against the door holding my unsteady feet
Makes me remember the time you made me dance even though I fell over my own feet*

The memories hit me like a wave
All I could do was cry
I'm losing the man I thought I'd never lose
Teardrops falling silently over my cheeks
And I know this time nothing can be fixed

We lay on the grass on a perfectly sunny day
I pull the grass onto my stomach and pull them apart like my bread on a cold winter sipping my soup
You're just staring at the empty blue sky its like you're wishing to fly
Maybe you just wish you could fly away from me
But that thought slowly disappears when you put your hands under my shirt caressing my naked skin as you babble on about how beautiful my skin is compared to the sun
You always say I shine brighter than the sun
I always light up your night sky
Every kiss burns but I only want more
Every touch is like a shot of *****
Bittersweet but addicting
You loved me like no person ever did
And I must confess that my mothers love doesn't compare to yours
The twinkle in your eyes when you start to talk about our future man I wish that we could be together
Always & forever...

Standing alone in the middle of the field
Fingers pulling the triggers
The air lights up like six o clock in the morning
the arrows all aim for me
I try to run but my feet won't move
On a battle field but I don't have a weapon
Lifting my arms to shield myself
And the arrows all aim for me
The sharp points waiting to pierce my skin
Like a trapped animal, I'm forced to surrender to my enemies

Every inch they get closer I'm stuffed with fear
My feet moves and I run for cover but I'm followed by a ball of flame waiting to devour me
My heart beating fast, searching for oxygen
I can't run away forever
I stopped to turn around, no running away time to face my fate
As the arrows pierce through me I burst into light showing myself the way
My fears, my pain it all makes a cloud of smoke shaping into your face and I know I prevailed
I face my demons and fought my fears
Even the drop of my tears shows signs of bravery

When you are feeling sad
Get up, dance.
Dance away your pain
Dance away your fears
Light up and love yourself
If you don't love yourself, who will?
Raise your voice if you don't agree
Love yourself and you'll be free

Don't expect too much of this cruel world
Appreciate all the little things
That people ignore
The flowers
The sun
The music that makes the world go round
Dance until your heart sings like the world is a perfect place
Love everyone because they made you who you are today

Forgive people
Forgive yourself
Accept the parts of yourself that's you don't like, to some people that may be your best assets
If its not okay, dance, spread your butterfly wings
And bring everyone happiness.
**

I stand at your grave and weep
As the sorrow seeps through me
I imagine you here sitting at your own grave
Laughing at people that pretended to give a ****
And you know I'd love you forever
I just wish you would let me save you from this wrongful fate that is this 6 foot deep grave
Don't worry my love, I'll be buried next to you
It might not be today, tomorrow but eventually we'll be reunited

5 am and I'm already awake, stacked pillows pretending its you that's asleep but the coldness I feel makes it even worse
Your body temperature is nowhere to be felt
You would've laughed at someone if they told you I would be awake at 5am and say
"My baby never wake up before 10"
I lost my greatest love of the century
They write stories about you and me
But like Romeo and Juliet we also had our tragedy

You pack your bags so fast its like you can't wait to get away from me
Please don't go
We can make this work if we only tried
You always said this love was always meant to fail but still you stayed,why?
Your words cut through my skin
The old familiar sting
What am I gonna do when you go
So please don't go
I know its pathetic to beg but my mama always told me to hold into the things I love the most
This is why I can't let you go
You can get away from me but you'll never forget how it used to be
And you always told me that our love was doomed to fail
But you still stayed
Let's wait a few days, let's talk it out
Something we never did but let's try it once
Maybe I can change your mind
Maybe we can turn this sinking ship around
Don't go, don't leave me here alone
I love you so much I can barely breath and you're ******* all my oxygen
Just one touch,just one kiss can make this broken relationship heal.

You taste like smoke
Smell like cologne
Skinny jeans
You got it going on
My baby has tobacco lips
Sweet pink cherry lips
With a inside taste of my dreams
One kiss and you're hooked
Put your fingers through my jean hoops
Pull me closer so I can hear your breathing
Kiss me like you never want to let me go
Baby I love you so
It sounds like a song
But its not
Yes my hair smells like strawberry's
You say that all the time
Can't get enough of my coconut skin
I know you're hooked
Just like me, we're in this together
This love is forever
Sweet ******* on those lips
Come a little closer so I taste those sweet lips
Sweet Ecstasy when you touch me
Sweet bliss when you release me
Make me yours
I am yours
Your are mine
All mine
Bite my lip
Pull my hair
Say you love me forever
Those eyes how they crave me
I see how you undress me
Come a little closer if you want the real thing
Those jeans look mighty fine on those body
Looking all hot with those tattoos
Sweat dripping from those black hair
Yes baby make me yours, Now.

You don't even have enough tears to cry your pretty eyes to sleep
You don't have enough happiness to get you through the night
Fears wrapped around you like a comfort blanket
And you realize no one there to rid you of them
You realize you're all alone
Even the universe have company
And God is your only friend you talk to
But he doesn't respond
Hoping and praying for a answer
A sign
But nothing, you can't even read between the lines
All wrapped in your hate for people that make you feel alone
But they don't realize the loneliness is killing you
Slowly draining you of energy
Soon you'll just be a deflated balloon
Hoping for some oxygen but they just pick you up and throw you in the fire to burn

Last night I couldn't sleep
I kept rolling around searching the sheets
For you
Sighs has replaced the silence you left behind
I wonder where you are and what you're doing
The loss for you has been my undoing

Screams and chaos in my head
Sometimes the ledge isn't far ahead
But then I think of you and how you left me for dead
But I'm already dead,dear no need to step of the ledge

In cAse I don't get to tell you the words that dwell in my soul
I've loved you since the moment we met
Your smiled took over my dark world and silently and innocently I fell in love with every Aspect of the person you Are
This is the letter I'm writing to you
You might never see it
But my breAth will linger on your lips and I know you'll tAste it every time you kiSs Another

This is A letter full of words of love
A letter you'll never get to see
Its filled with my hopes... And dreAms
Every memory of you And me
How I wish your body wAs wrApped Around mine And our body entwined with eAch other
I miss the wAy you trAced my skin and every inch burned where your fingers wAlked
Now every memory is A blur

listen to me.
a gathering of words to entrap a moment
that cannot be
otherwise enveloped into something
comprehensible
obtainable
something to last you forever
it will not fade or disappear or leave you
empty again.
you take to the hearts desire
though you can barely understand your own
for what you truly want is deep within you
dying to be noticed
crumbling against the locked walls
you hear it calling in your sleepless dreams
burning your breath
blowing smoke rings into your eyes.
see through the mirror of your heartache
and into
a wondrous feeling of undeniable beauty
one that will lift you from this carefully
placed void of uncomfortable drought
into a greater wanting
a meaningful desire for something
pure, radiant and enamored.
it flows through the sounds that caress your
staggering thoughts
caught in the undertow of your minds
machine
they play relentlessly, over and over
until you’ve uncovered them in a moment of
clarity and perspective
suddenly the words you’re saying seem to
have
the same intention your heart follows
a mutual moment of everlasting truth.
and maybe if you release the feeling through
your body,
more.
soon your heart will lift itself from the burden
you’ve placed
against it, the burden risen
recognize it, familiarize it and set it free.
an inhaled sensation of weightlessness
as the person that surrounds you in the
smoke comes to you
a guided light, harboring your love
and only yours
and the words you speak will be kindly and
breathable
for a moment you will have what you’ve
always needed
you will feel it overtake you with an eager
electricity

(This is not mine but i felt the need to share it)

You said I'm the one you think of on your lonely nights
And even when I'm sleeping next to you
You said you miss my dark brown eyes
everything is falling Apart
And I'm falling like a shooting star
Crash and burn
And I destroy everything in my way
And there is no return

You made me feel better and made me believe I was going to be okay
Ashtrays full of cigarettes you promised you would never go back there
But I know its my fault, I made you like this
Everything I do is a step closer to the end of you, US

You said you'd never leave after everything
And still you are here
Now its all fading
And everything is worse and our light of love is burning low
I'm liable to sink us both
You called me a beautiful tragedy but I can see the hurt behind your smile
Its my fault and I'm sorry
I know its taking a toll, so why don't you go
Maybe someday we'll meet again my lonely moon this pack was never meant for two
And I'll meet you in my dreams and remember who you used to be

Mirror, mirror on the wall am I skinnier then them all?
Am I not? Well that's too bad cause I will have to skip a few meals after all
Lovely collar bones and thin wrist
Thin legs like cara please
A collarbone like miley please
A thigh gap so I can feel pretty
Even if I have to lower my calories

Don't you see everything my eyes is showing me is fat and I have to lose it to be perfect
Don't you know I'd die for perfection?
The hunger pains is cheering me on
Maybe I'll stick my finger down my throat

Every night I cry myself to sleep
The scale said I picked up weight
Looks like I'll have to cut again
Punishment is the only way I'll learn
Don't eat or you'll get burned
Perfection is on my brain
Thin girls on the street is my motivation

Maybe we'll meet again some day
Maybe I'll sit in a little cafe in the mall
Drinking your, now my favorite coffee
Reading a new book I purchased across the cafe at the bookstore
And my friends will join me for some fun

And maybe you'll walk by not noticing me noticing the girl you're holding hands with
You'll probably be very happy with her
Laughing and making jokes
And I'll watch you from afar
My friends will probably console me but I'll just say "I'm fine" with a slight smile
And I'll take a sip from my coffee to swallow back the knot in my throat

Maybe you'll see me and decide to greet introducing me to your girlfriend
And you'll probably talk to my friends you already know and ask how its going and they'll look at me and say "fine"
Then you'll pass on by

The familiar smell in the air mixed with the smell of coffee
As you sit and stir it and looking out of the wet frosty window
Making up scenarios of how last night's fight could've gone better but ended up a mess instead
Baggy eyes from crying yourself to sleep
Wondering where is your eternal peace
And it hits you like waves,the piercing old familiar friend
Nostalgia
Started with a kiss on the cheek
Then a kiss on the lips
To bruised eyes
And fingerprints under your turtleneck sweater you're wearing
Oh the sweet memory's of getting to know each other
But ended up trying to **** each other
Neither wanting to give in
Head strong and brave you withered the storm and got out a worrier
Little princess you deserve more than this life
But nostalgia is a ***** and won't let you move on
Fading marks but you can still feel his tight gripping fingers around your neck
Waking up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat
Hush go to sleep because your eternal peace is waiting in the deep

We used to lay under the stars
Count them one by one
Talk about out dreams
Don't you remember best friend?
Now you are too just a fading dream
You changed into someone we both knew you wouldn't want to be
But that's what you get for falling under peer pressure
I backed away from what you've become
But I still care please do believe these words I try to form
Now I'm just one of the people you throw your rocks at
Your idol used to say "darling don't worry your pretty little mind people throw rocks at things that shine" something like that
Its become my lullaby, it reminds me of you and I still feel like I have a part of you
You had all these dreams
So big they used to carry you
But now life is just sinking you
Remember best friend?

It wasn't long before the emptiness consumed her life
The silence knocked on her door calling
And she opened up with grieving relief
Every word she ever uttered was ignored kicked away like a pebble
Wishing wales never seemed to help
Sadly staring at the moon and the silence feels infinite
Crying out for the moon to help
Thinking it would swoop down and rid her of this lonely non existing life that has no meaning to her
Longing to be held by someone who would notice the pain behind her words
Someone who would notice when she stopped speaking
Seeking solace in her books cause its the only love she'll ever get
Crippling sadness took over her life like a dark cloud
Nothing bounded her to this life so she'll just take her own

Pull the strings and now I dance, you smile with pride of yourself, I shake my head or is that just you?
You play me like a piano oh the sweet sweet melody that used to make my spine tingle. You pull the string on my heart and I walk closer to the edge, ready to fall and if it jumps I'm falling for your heart.
Please don't, I whisper to my heart
you know how I feel about love, you pull the strings and I run, I'm running for the edge ready to jump.
I close my eyes hoping I'd fly but in the deep dark sky i see your face and I'd rather fall, fall even though I know I'd die, the wind that presses down on my body and the strings sway next to me, I try to move but I'm stone, sinking my body all the way down, the bottom is filled with your voice and every rock has your face
so **** me as I'd rather die then fall in love, cause love is has a rule, play or get played.

"I sleep in your shirts ya know?" I asked the empty room "I miss how you used to scold me for always taking long showers" I poured myself a glass of jack daniels "you'd be disappointed if you saw me like this" I said between sips "don't worry, I'll be disappointed for both of us." I'm a shell of a woman I used to be "its saturday, I miss how you used to sleep in as I watched tv shows" the tv hasn't been on for weeks "my battery is drained, haven't charged it since your death" saying the word and tasting the melancholy mad me nauseous "I won't throw up, that's not very lady like" I threw the glass against the wall "I think I'll just drink jack out of the bottle instead" I said happily.
"I can still hear myself think so I'll just drink until I can't feel a thing"
"Moma thinks I need therapy if my daddy was here hed just kick the crap out of me instead" daddy issues was part of me growing up and I never wanted to date until I met him, he waited patiently like a puppy and broke down all my walls
"Babe why didn't you talk to me about your problems I loved you even with your depression" guess who's turn it is to be depressed
"I'm not actually mad at you, just mad that there was nothing I could do"
I broke down in tears that night remembering what had happened
My phone ringed as I was having lunch with a friend
"Baby!" A hysterical voice said, it was mom.
"Sorry my phones been actin up, what's wrong"
"You need to come baby girl,I'm so so sorry, I'm at the local hospital" and she hanged up. Me and my girl grabbed our stuff and went
My mom ran to me crying "sorry I'm sorry sorry sorry baby girl"
"Sorry for what?" I was hysterical
She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a hospital room and there he laid full bandages and blood
My knees buckled, it was giving in and my bag slid off my arm like water
I couldn't breath
"Is he" I couldn't get a word out
Now my mom was crying "he jumped off your building room
I couldn't cry, I wasn't expecting this
"He only got a few minutes and his family is on their way but they can't make it so they think he's already dead"
I took his hand and kissed it furiously "no wake up" I closed my eyes "no wake up! Pleas wake up" now my voice was only a whisper


The funeral was depressing. My family and friends have came to terms with my locking myself up in my apartment getting wasted
"Part of grieving" the doctor said
"Its been 4months and she's still doing it" my mom said to her friend as they pushed me under a cold shower and cleaning me, thinking I was unconscious. I heard everything.
"They were each others anchors, keeping each other grounded, one without the other one they would fall apart" my aunt was a writer

The broken kids know how to love
Cause we're empty most of the time
And when something good comes along
We love with all we have
We give all we have
Wanna fill that empty feeling with some love
Happiness only comes once in a while
We try to smile through the tears
Make people believe we have no fears
Razors, pills even diets doesn't help
We scream into our pillows "why does this have to be me"
Girls hate their body's they're made believe if you're not a size zero you aren't pretty
Guys have feelings and they take it out on their wrist
They even use diets pills secretly
We stand in the rain hoping to meet them
We scream at the top our lungs hoping they'd hear our pain
They comfort us through the pain
Cause they don't judge, they always understand
Music is the anthem for broken kids
Bands are our hope
We live to someday meet them
Our idols save us
Not our parents sometimes not our friends
We believe in music cause music is our religion

Standing here on the edge again
But I'm 5 feet closer to it then I was yesterday
The wind brushes against my skin like your fingertips always used to
I close my eyes and pretend its you
But reality is just to real
I sit down on the edge contemplating if I should jump or turn around and I know if I do I'll just run into you

Your voice was my lullaby but now its the background music of my nightmares
And the touch of your skin stings my body
And you're heart is rejecting me
I stood up ready to jump
I closed my eye and see your face I shook the image away
And jumped
Hands grab my waist and pulled me from the edge of death
We fall to the ground and familiar lips pressed to my ear whispers "don't leave me I still love you baby"

As Lonely as the moon in the dark sky
I remember my mother singing me a lullaby
I had to leave my past behind in the shadows
My fears kept chasing me into the arms of nowhere  
I sit on the cold blood stained floor
Too many emotions and it took a toll
Watching it dripping, dripping and it driving me mad
Yet this pain that I feel, please try to tell me its not real
She had her whole life filled with hopes and dreams...now she's only left with these memories and disbelief
Its you who cries yourself to sleep
Hoping you won't feel a thing
Maybe someday this will all be just a memory
But her heart sunk what if she never makes it till then
She's staring at the ceiling all in vain, she's already thinking to putting a end to this pain
Thinking how dead you feel inside
Broken or bent
Scratches or dents
We are all addicted to something that takes away the pain
What makes us feel alive
you will be the reason for your own demise

I walked through the 5 feet tall grass lifting up my satin blue summer dress
It was a sunny day, I walked towards the big tree about a mile south of my little house
The apples under the shade of the tree was red cold and delicious on this summer day
I jumped up but it was too high I just gave up and I sat down in the grass exhausted

A shadow casted over me and I looked up
big brown eyes stared down at me "can I help you pick a apple mam" he said, I smiled "sure" I said politely
And with a little jump he grabbed the apple I wanted
He pulled me up on my feet and gave it to me but as I reached out to take it he took it away giving me his most beautiful mischievous smile
He took a bite out of the apple and I said "hey! That's mine"
"Well little darling why don't you come and take it from me" his eyes dancing with excitement
"Well sir" I said mysteriously leaning forward showing my collarbone
He's lips parted I heard his breath hitch and he stared at me motionless and shocked
I smiled and took the apple out of his hand "I'll take that" and took a bite as I walked away
He grabbed my arm and smiled "till we meet again"

Let me go
Unwrap your hands from mine
Leave me alone
To die in my misery
I hate what I've become
Someone I don't know
The mirror sees someone unknown
And I don't even wanna know her
I hurt the people the closest to me
And I'm sorry,I don't know how to stop
Everything I touch dies
So don't touch me
Don't let me near you
Push me away
Hate me so I won't come back
I'm sinking into a hole and there's no coming back
I lack the love you want
I'm not that girl anymore
I barely read my bible
I barely do anything
I'm just a empty shell of who I used to be
I'm sorry I disappoint you so much
I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused
My prayers go unanswered
God has turned his back
My love is lost
And I'm cold
I'm broken
I'm just a statue staring at nothing
Please just go
Don't ever let me know you once cared

We're tumbling through time
Skipping through the time
And all we see is how the clock spins
From the fifty's to the 80ties
From woman in the kitchen
To woman in the office
were spinning through time
Guys asking a girls parents if he could take the lovely ******* a date
To taking advantage of her innocence in the upstairs bedroom

From falling in love to falling of bridges
To end the pain of a broken heart
Time spins and takes up with it
And everyday we get older and older
But we don't notice it until its too late
Be courages be brave
Ask that ******* a date
Its the new age
Ask that guy if he wants to go on a lovely date watching the stars collide
And maybe you'll fall in love unexpectedly
Cause we are tumbling stars falling through time
Wishing we could light up someone's sky

Conceived together by ***** cells
We grew together
And we got born together
Aren't you suppose to be my best friend
My other half
My missing rib
Instead you're the one throwing rocks at me
I have to hide while you're free
Born 40 minutes after me
But you are always first in everyone's eyes
You are the star that shines so bright
I'm the fallen star that's only a piece of rock on the ground you walk upon
Just a stone you kick into the pavement

You're the summer everyone loves
Oh my, my twin brother, you light up everyone's sky but mine
You drown me in my own tears
Bullied me into depression
I'm just your toy but when we were little
I always fought your fights
Confronted your fears
But now I'm just the 'other twin' that's good for nothing
Call me names
Tell me I'm useless
I'll just sit in the corner and make my wishes
Oh my, twin brother?
Where is she now? When you need her she'll be gone
Her name will be engraved in a gravestone.

I hope you can hear the pain behind my voice
It cuts me up to know that she can make you happier
The way you're when you're with her makes me wanna burst into tears
You're so gentle and kind
To me you were just hard and cold
I tried to keep you warm but it never worked
The way you traced your fist across my face
I felt like I deserved it, if that's the closest I get to your love then I don't mind

You treat your new lover with a burning fire of protection
The way you hold her makes me wonder
If what we had was an illusion
It feels so real when I trace my fingertips across my body parts where your tight grips once was

I wonder how this came to be
Packed your bags and decided to leave
Left me on the floor to drown in my tears
It never really made sense
I hope you're happy because I'm not
And I'd rather be the one that suffers than to see you unhappy

I'm sick of everything and everyone
My soul has died a hundred times
My lips smile but my eyes cry
My heart hurt but I can't express my hate towards the world
Towards myself
There's more emotion in a single tear
Then I will ever show you all
I have more demons to fight in the night
No angel to protect me
I'm all alone
Mentally
Physically
Emotionally
Spiritually
I'm drained
Became so numb my only fear is to feel again
My faith can't be restored
I can't blame anyone but myself
Keeping everyone at a arms length
I'm sorry it let you all down but I don't know how to let my walls down
I wish I was happy but I'm not

I fell like snow and melted into a puddle of my own despair
Thorns around my heart
Protecting myself from the start
And you came around slowly removing the thorns without my knowledge
I'm knee deep in my despair
You held your hand out and showed me the shore I gave you everything more than I ever did before
You crashed through my walls
Just as I was about to give my all
You pushed me aside and walked away
Leaving space for all the cold to dwell inside my soul
Thorns blew in and all I see was the darkness creeping in
Oh sweet pain my fellow friend you left for a while when he came in
He left and you came
Breaking my fall for everything
I feel nothing not a single thing
Melancholy and nostalgia walking hand in hand

People talking but they don't hear my cry
Maybe they just don't want to hear what I'm trying to say or maybe I'm just not speaking loud enough
Laughing feels like a chore
Crying is a daily habit like breathing
I plead insane to my own ruthless thoughts
Abusing me like I was nothing
Maybe I was nothing

I find myself in the darkness everyday
So I became the darkness
And I enjoy my pain
Maybe I'm a *******
Maybe I'm a fragile little girl that got used to all the abuse
My pillow know all my secrets
I whisper 'shhh' to all my teddy bears
I wish someone could save me but I'm too deep in to even help myself
No turning point I'm just a helpless little girl stuck in reverse

I've been putting on a front for so ******* long I've come to terms of my never ending suffering
But cracked under the stare of your piercing eyes
And my heart betrayed me and my head can't save me

I've lost so much but gained enough to move on with you
You showed me a world of pain not just happy love endings
You showed me the tainted part of your bastared soul
But I wanted your heart

You loved my innocence and lack of knowledge of love
You used to kiss me like you haven't saw me in a while and I miss that now, all I have is a unmade bed when it was the last time when we made love, now I'd rather settle for the ground then the  painful memories it brought back to my fading mind.

you always used to say you loved me no matter what happens but now all I feel is the empty pretense of what we was
Even if you came back you could never save me
Our love was doomed to fail.

You knock me down
Down down down
to the ground
you buried me under the layers of your concrete heart
You broke me
Nothing hurts like a heart and I still struggle to get out, I try to push I try to scratch even my screaming doesn't help
Doesn't it bother you that I cry even my tears full up like a river
Sometimes I wish you'd drown in it
What we had was everything to me
Every kiss every touch every word touched my heart
Nobody is perfect and that's what I forgot
I thought you were sent from heaven like some kind of God

I try to push I try to scratch even my screaming doesn't help
These words you say to break me down
Hits me like a ton of bricks
I hate the mirror I hate myself
My heart is a traitor and my head is hell

All I wanted was you to understand
That I'm not made of stone
You can't just break me down
this is our goodbye
You said it a long time ago
Its my turn time to go

I don't believe in love
Neither do you
I don't believe in the power of redemption
Neither do you
You got your stitches and scars
I got mine
Neither one of us believes in a God
But we believe in each other
And if we don't believe in love
Why are we together?
The question will stay unanswered
Like the way the water hits the shore without it ever swallowing the whole land
Sometimes even the water tries to run away
And it crushes everything in its way
Buildings
Motors
Even people that wants to get away
And that's a metaphor for our love
Nobody agrees with this love
Not even us
And its so ironic
But we can't stay away from each other
And we wreck people's lives
Without us trying to stop us
I don't even know what I'm saying
But all I know is that this love is crushing my heart from the start to the bitter of our downfall

everything is just dumb like the color white
on blue like my feelings for you
And the way you have higher cheekbones than
me
And your perfectly shaped lips that fits mine
like a missing puzzle
And your long fingers that's made for a guitar
and tracing my backbone with
And your hair that's so long but you refuse to
cut it
And those silly tattoos that doesn't mean
anything to me but to you it means the whole
world
and its true our eyes are the windows to the
soul it hurts like hell because you see through
my facade
Its like I'm standing naked in front of you and
your piercing eyes are scrutinizing every
dusty and dark corner of my soul
And the contrast of your skin fits mine
perfectly its like you're meant just for me
And I thank everything in this dark lonely
universe for sending you on my path
And you light it up like neon lights and lead
me straight into your arms.

My words doesn't pierce your skin it goes around your body like something is blowing it away, all I ever wanted was you to understand me, where I'm coming from my point of view and I always thought you'd be the one to understand, You handle me with care like a new watch but you never wear it only on special occasions. It hurts and you don't listen always telling me I should stop bickering about useless stuff
Thinking I always wanna fight, but you don't know how much it means to me. I still feel the same, do you? Do you even remember our first date it was on a little boat in November a gentle breeze blowing us around in the water and the boat almost tipped making me want to scream and you teased me cause I was mortified, tilting the boat to the side I almost panicked and fell over and you had uncontrollable laughter and that was the best day of my life cause you make everything better. Our first kiss was like magic bigger then the big bang theory we made history and I know I'll love you forever its just a choice to accept me for who I am and if you can't the door Is wide open

You're my little dark, my own little piece and I run to you whenever I get lost.
you're my little secret, my little piece of heaven, I love you so I wouldn't know what to do if I ever lost you.
The days go by so fast and this is only summer love, kiss me under the salty sea leave footprints on the sand next to mine,
love me like you need me I could be your new prozac your new feeling and I know you'll never leave me,
around the bonfire and everyone is making out we talk for hours and it only makes me smile harder.
I know you want me for me, your intellectual beauty stuns me, guess all that tattoos was just for show love me cause I'm needy
I won't deny you're my lover of darkness forever we'll always be star kissed

These last final days I'm constantly
Thinking about how I should spend it
What I should say.
Should I smile more?
Cause I'm dying soon?
Should I lie less?
cause it'll be over soon?
Be more reckless?
Cause I'll end it sooner than I thought?

Crying cause I will never get to live
See how my favourite series end
If my idol will ever settle down
If my dog will be happy without me
Will my family ever move on
Get over the betrayal and hurt I caused
Will my mom be too distraught by my loss to move on
Will my sister ever be able to settle down
My twin brother make it to college
Will my older brother be shaken by reality to finally go to rehab for drug abuse

I'll never be able to walk the streets of foreign country's and be afraid to get lost
I will miss the sun in my hair on a summer day
And the way my lover used to kiss my Cold fingertips in the winter mornings
I will lose it all
If I haven't already

What frustrates me is that when I'm in bed late at night
My thoughts wander around and they end up being found with you
And when I'm in bed I can't help but encourage the little scenarios that's playing in my head
And I wanna write about you so badly
But I can't wrap my thoughts around you
I wanna know every little detail about you

I wanna see you drunk
I want to drink your opinions with ***** and cheers to the fireworks exploding In my heart
You'll never know how I feel and that's the saddest part of It all

You cant be human cause all I see is perfection and beauty at its best
I wanna wrap you tightly around myself like a comforting blanket and I know you have to leave sometime but can we keep this going for a little while

Poetry flows through me like the blood surging through my veins
Even the pain in my heart I can transform it into a piece of art
Even though people think depression is a beautiful thing
It isn't
You're locked up in a cell but your mind is the only thing left but its broken in two cannot be repair even if you pray to God for a miracle cure
The pills doesn't help
Puts you in a trance making you think everything's well and okay
Its a illusion of your mind
Covering up all the hurt that's inside
"Smile Dear people expect you to be cured, turn that frown make them smile"
Behind locked doors you want to open they keys hangs near you but too far to grab
Teasing you with a little piece of light
Taking it away again after a while
Only solution is to scratch at the door hoping for more but nothing
Just the dark abyss waiting for your empty dusty soul
No more hurt no more scars
You're in heaven so give the angels your hidden smile.