I shook the devil’s hand and looked him dead in the eye the night I put the barrel of a shotgun in between my lips
While I stood on the edge of a chair with a noose around my neck.
Killing two birds with one stone.
The feathers of the bird deep inside me would be ruffled after the bullet raced through them,
Shearing them apart like a combine moves through a field of corn.
The bird on the outside of my body would finally learn to fly after the bullet struck the inside of my mouth like a flashlight lights up a dark cave harboring a family of bats
And right before I fell limp to the floor, no longer able to hear my own heartbeat inside my ears,
The noose caught my fall, tightening around my neck.
The night I stood on a wooden chair, holding my own death within my hands in complete darkness around eleven because I wanted to be an owl instead of a raven,
The chirping inside of me wouldn’t quiet.
I heard the voices of wings outside the window in the tree I’d thought about soaring from; telling me to stop or cheering me on, I don’t know.
But if I would’ve put the single round inside the chamber of the gun or slipped the slightest bit from the chair,
I’d know how it feels to fly.

We are only here to die.
All the blood sweat and tears you put into running your first marathon
That award winning book you wrote that captured the heart of millions of children
All the money that you won from winning the lottery...
Means nothing.
It all means nothing.
All of this...

Means nothing.

We are only here to die.
But it's the preparation that decides
What will happen after life.
The choices that you make in life will decide your fate after life

Which is death.

“Here, have a drink,” A man slurred.
A tall, red, plastic cup of heavy smelling alcohol hovered in front of me, like a moth around the flickering flame of a candle.
The cup laughed in my face and dared me to grab it; the peer pressure pouring off of the drunk’s lips was like a buzzing fly that wouldn’t leave me alone.
“No thanks,” I told him.
“C’mon, it’s just one drink.”
I sighed, because I’d been down this road before.
Because just one drink can’t hurt anything, right?
It’s just one.
One that allows a drunken ******* who otherwise has no control over women besides offering ‘just one drink.’
But the flashback that started playing inside my head was a movie screen that felt like a drive-in film where everyone was welcome to watch.
Except they couldn’t.
These drunken “friends” on the TV inside my head who I’d been with a few months ago had wandered off with their own boyfriends, leaving me
Stranded and vulnerable, like a car on the side of the highway without any flashing hazard lights warning other drivers that I was parked there.
They abandoned me.
And who knows how long I would have been stranded until a car decided to pull over and approach my vehicle, tow straps to carry me away.
But he didn’t save me from the other passing cars. Instead, he hauled me around a sharp curve of the long stretch of road,
Left me as a wide open target for his own truck to smash into me, leaving me broken and battered, with no witnesses to call the police, an ambulance or a fire truck.
I was left all alone, bleeding and scarred in the dark curve of the highway where this drunken driver escaped without a single bruise or tear on his body, unlike my own.
“It’s just one drink.” The intoxicated stranger pried at me again, feeling his question burn into me like a red light that just wouldn’t turn green.
“No,” I said and turned away from the drunk.
It was the first time I said no to the smell of dark liquor and whatever was hiding beneath and dissolved into the liquid that was harbored in the tall, red cup.
I said no to being victim again to a ******* drug.

insidious...
the forces that bend us toward self-destruction

insidious...
the illusions that feed those malevolent forces

insidious...
the stories that construct those obscuring illusions

insidious...
the thoughts that metastasize into those deluding stories

insidious...
the mind that identifies with those detrimental thoughts

innocent...
the soul that succumbs

It was February 14, Valentines day
When I first saw her
Dressed in red
And her enchanting smile taking control of the room

She looked at me and smiled
And before even knew it
I was in love with her
My first love

She was sitting near the crystal clear glass
And the moonlight made her enchanting
I asked her whether I could have a seat beside her
She said "Why not?" and giggled.

I sat beside her
And was carried away in her beauty
She was like a god
Who was born to enchant people with her beauty

I was engrossed in her blue eyes
Which was deeper than any ocean
Her nose was so perfect
That even make Aphrodite jealous

Her glossed lips
Shimmered like diamonds
Making them precious
Priceless

Her snow white skin
And her blonde hair
Made her look as beautiful
As golden sunshine on a winter morning

Her hands were  small and pretty
And it looked so dainty
With her painted nails
picturesque and perfect.

She asked"Dude where are you?"
I was a bit unprepared
She asked my name
I asked the same, and the reply was Cassandra Black.

Even her name was so beautiful
That even "Black" could not shun its beauty
I asked her out for the dance
She said Yes.

We danced and I was again engrossed in her
The alluring maiden
The captivator of my heart
And my first love

It was all going too perfect
I never wanted it to end
But all stories does not have a happy ending
And neither did mine

The door blurted open
And A man entered
Seeming rather angry
And unfortunately was Cassandra's father.

He came in
And dragged Cassandra out
And I never met Cassandra after that day
She had disappeared.

And my first love
Only lasted Valentines Day
And as people say
Valentines Day is a day of Happiness
And the day after is of sorrow
And that saying became true for me.............