I am humiliated for loving you,
For trusting you,
For believing you were someone worth fighting for.
I broke my morals and beliefs,
I gave you my heart so foolishly,
You turned out to be everything I hoped I’d never find.
You disgust me,
Not because you broke my heart,
Because you made me a second choice.
You made me look weak,
I am the girl who wasn’t good enough,
I am the girl who is pitied now.
Hope she was worth it,
Leaving me for someone else,
I am not second best and you helped me see that.
If you knew how much pain you caused me you would never be able to look me in the eye again.
Thinking about you keeps me awake,
I can’t eat,
I can’t breathe,
I sit there in silence thinking of you,
Unable to move,
Unable to speak,
You paralyzed me,
With your eyes,
With your lies
My soul doesn’t smile the way it use to,
My eyes lost the sparkle,
My heart became barricaded,
My existence has been threatened.
Love isn’t what destroyed me,
You selfishly came into my life,
You selfishly loved me then took it away.
How do I believe in myself again,
How do I find the sparkle you took,
The smile that was lost,
How do you repair a shattered soul.
A broken heart can never be fully put back together,
He took apart of you that you didn’t know existed,
You sacrifice your morals and beliefs,
Yet it’s still not enough.
Saying his name is like a bullet,
Deadly to my heart and mind,
Thinking about you recreates the pain,
You were selfish and arrogant.
You were manipulative and conniving,
You were everything I swore I’d never be,
I chose you with intentions so pure,
A kiss on the forehead and love within our eyes.
Never expecting you to take away everything I built,
Unknowing that the ground would be taken from right underneath me,
Trusting that I was the only women you would ever need,
Letting you in close enough to hurt me was the worst thing I could've done.
So foolishly thinking that my heart was safe with you,
My biggest mistake was giving you the chance to destroy me,
You took that chance without a second thought,
Congratulations on betraying the only women who actually tried for you.
You left wounds that wont stop bleeding,
I want to hate you but I can’t,
You’ve put my through hell,
You lied and you don’t care.
I still pray for you at night,
Maybe one day you’ll realize how badly you messed up,
You changed into someone I don’t recognize,
I don't think you even recognize yourself.
I hope you're somewhere praying,
I am praying you find your piece,
I am praying I learn how to breathe on my own again,
Because of you I learned how to stand up for myself.
I will never stop praying for you,
God can’t do all the work though,
You have to want to change,
I hope you find your piece.
I try hard not to think about you,
Not to let you affect the way I breathe,
But the truth is I’m suffocating without you,
I think about you and I hate it,
I hate that you’ve probably forgotten all about me,
Yet I’m the one crying in the shower trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
You stand as cold as ice,
Did I even mean anything to you,
Or was I just a temporary high,
I guess it doesn’t matter now you already said goodbye.
Letting you go is like closing a book I never intended to finish,
Not because the book was terrible,
But because I was captured in it,
Putting the book down meant the possibility of losing your place.
I was captured by you,
From your ginger beard,
To your love of guns.
We would sit in the car for hours talking,
We would talk about the people who changed us,
The people who loved us,
And the people who hurt us.
The hardest part about putting down a book is knowing that even if you get the chance to pick it back up it won’t be the same.