You don’t know him like I do,
He has night terrors like he’s been in war,
He doesn’t trust himself when he drinks alone,
He fears he will turnout like his father,

You don’t know him like I do,
When he’s happy you can’t help but smile,
When he’s grumpy he has the most adorable nose crinkle,
When he’s sad he won’t let it show,

You don’t know him like I do,
There are doors locked within his eyes,
He fears failing everyone,
Loving people is hard for him because people leave,

You don’t know him like I do you never really will,
I hope you figure out that he loves back rubs as he falls asleep,
Or that getting him a gatorade is like a peace offering,
Never forget to let him know that you’re home safe.

You may think that you know it all,
And I really hope you do,
But a love like mine and his doesn’t come around but once in a lifetime.

I was his once in a lifetime,
So to who ever who loves him next,
I am a tough act to follow but I truly do wish you luck,
Please take care of him and keep building him up.
He deserves the world, make sure you give it to him.

But you will never know him the way I do, no one will.

I wouldn't change a thing,
Your heart never stopped beating for me,
Mine never stopped beating for you.

Sometimes showing you care means walking away,
Not leaving for ever but giving one another room to grow,
This isn't goodbye simply farewell for now.

You were the jelly,
I was the peanut butter,
Amazing together but even better separate.

For now we walk away from each other,
You'll always be apart of me and I'll always be apart of you,
Thank you for showing me what love and sacrifice really means.

NJROTC is the one thing that made me feel confident in who I was, now it is gone. There will be no ROTC next year, most people don’t care, but the people who worked their butts off are hurting. We work all year round, constantly training and bettering ourselves. The funny thing about all of this is the fact that we all new it was coming, we just didn’t know how soon. People don’t care and I don’t expect them to but I hope people realize that having that program changed the school for the better and the cadets in it.
We weren’t perfect we had our days where we just wanted to give up. We have had rocks thrown at us, yet we stood firm. We have been made fun of and still are but that never once took an ounce of pride from our hearts. I will not be here I graduate in May, so people wonder why I am so upset. I am upset because I have personally worked with every cadet who wanted to be something, I have been there when we won first place titles, I have been there for the most hilarious fails, I have been there for the biggest wins in the smallest ways. Regardless of when or where I have been there! I have seen them at there best and worst, I have given pep talks at meets that have changed the outcome within the blink of an eye. You can’t understand what it is like to be in a program like this if you aren’t in it.
In the eyes of the Juniors everything they have worked for for three years have just been ripped from their hands, they don’t know how to handle something like this, neither do I. ROTC made these kids who they are, it has shaped me into the strong, confident and intelligent woman I am. How do I look them straight into the eyes and tell them it is gonna be okay when I myself don’t even believe that? I will walk out of high school with only one regret, that I didn’t prepare them properly for this hit. I have lead and prepared them for everything but this, could it be true? Is this it? It is………..

I see her
I see the fear in her eyes now that the secrets out
I see how much its overwhelming her
I see how real it has become
The assault will never be erased
It will never leave her side
My heart breaks for her
I've been in her exact same spot before
I want to help her fight
but I can't
I haven't won my battle yet either
Sometimes I don't think I ever will
She went to bed a different person than she woke up as
That was the last time she will ever be fully her again
It's forever a chain locked around her ankle
She will never be able to fully recover
She will never be able to love the same
She will never be the same

I remember my first fight with my mom, I could hear her crying all the way down the hall.
I remember the first time I got hit by an adult, and the bruises that poured over my body in a matter of weeks.
I remember the first time my heart was broken, the pain was unimaginable.
I remember the first time my youngest brother got drunk and stumbled to the driveway,I took his keys so he couldn’t drive.
I remember the day my niece died, the pain that came over my sister covered her like a blanket.
I remember the night I got the call that Ezkial was dead, listening to the tv the next morning just sitting there in a haze drenched in tears and sorrow. I remember the first time I hurt my brother, yelling about how our father was a ******* and worthless.
I remember the fights with my dad, him slamming the door behind himself as he leaves me there in tears.
I remember the first time I let someone touch my body without shaking, I let him see beneath my skin.
I remember the day I got the call that my brother was arrested for a DUI.
I remember “falling down” the stairs and brushing it off as if I just stumbled.
I remember going into the emergency room and mumbling “I trusted him”.
I remember the day Danny and I were adopted from Russia, looking through the back window as we dove away, the orphanage fading away into the distance.
I remember the day I felt the most defeated.

I don’t want you to love me
I hate the way you care for me
You see beneath my skin
I hate the way you can read me
I hate the way you look at me
I hate the way you make me nervous
I hate the power your kisses have
I hate how you hold my heart
I hate the way I love you
I hate the way that your words can **** me
I hate the way your touch makes me melt
I hate the that you make me love you
I hate that I need you in more ways than one
I hate that you can destroy me with one word
I hate that I could never be the one to walk away

Its simply very easy.
Kiss them.
Hold them.
Make them feel safe.
Loved.
Wanted.

Then leave them.

Don't call them.
Don't text them.

Then show up out of the blue
With an
"I still love you"
On the tip of your tongue
With another girls Hickeys
Necklaced on your neck.

Keep your distance.
Call them late at night.
Fall asleep on the phone
To them.

Give them hope.
Remind them that
They
Haven't
Moved
On
At
All.