The cold comes in,
ricochets like a
tennis ball
off every
corner, crevice
pore, stormy
gusts of wind
I breathe in,
skin is no
barrier I am
the elements
carrier, organs
coastal &
lungs tidal sea,
I am nature
& nature is me.

It was sugar coated,
The truth you attempted to pass on to me.
I told you not to hold back,
That I could handle whatever needed saying.
But you censored the truth,
Coating it in a thick layer of deceit
Topped with a cherry of half a truth.

And when I finally step away
From your hilltop grave,
I think I understand
Why you tried to hold my hand
And kept up the ruse
Of the sugar-coated truths.

All you left was a note saying "I'm sorry."
Because that is all you could
Muster the strength to say.
All you left was a note--bloodied
Rather than wet with the tears
You were too scared to shed.

You hated goodbyes.
I always knew this.
I hated them too.
The finality of it all is unbearable.

But I wish you'd given me a chance
To say goodbye to you.

I know you thought I wouldn't understand,
Wouldn't comprehend your need to go.
I guess that's something we'll never know.
But I'd like to think I'd've taken your hand
And pressed my lips to your temple
And whispered "I love you.
Goodbye."

Because if I didn't get it then,
I certainly get it now.

So all I can do
Is press my lips to your headstone
And whisper
I love you. Goodbye.

I saw this video
Of a T-Rex chasing a Jeep
Through a parking lot
And I laughed.
No. I threw my head back and guffawed.
Because it was so ******* funny.
And my first thought was
"She'd love to see this video!"
But before I could finish that thought,
I began to cry
Tears I didn't know still existed in my eyes;
Because I instantly remembered
You're not here anymore
To laugh with me about
T-Rexes chasing Jeeps
Through abandoned parking lots.
And that isn't ******* funny
To me.

dreams of the tide,
loneliness,
bold landscapes,
a breeze blowing roses.

You make me smile,
and the far sun hotter,
add rhythm to my potter.
Your dance in slumber out numbers all other,
my present tense that opens spaces;
I feel the sunshine on my face,
I feel your sunshine on my face.