namii: Favorites

Dec 2014 namii

JR Potts

I feel like a black hole
when I sit at the bar.
Like there is no amount of liquor
that could fill this bottomless well
and people keep falling in.

I can hear them cry sometimes
finger nails clawing at stone
until the tips are rubbed raw.
Ghosts wailing in the dark
a throbbing in my chest,
Poe's Tell-Tale Heart.

I spoke to one once
at a queer hour in the morn
she said "It's beautiful down here"
even as her body was being torn
into billions of subatomic particles.

"It's beautiful" she cried
"I've seen the end of time
I've seen galaxies form
I've seen star's collapse
and again be reborn
I've seen life emerge
and I've seen it destroyed
I've seen it all with my eyes
and all the bad you've done,
all the guilt you carry
it isn't helping anyone
it's ok- it's ok-- it's ok---
to let yourself be happy"

I so badly desired
to have faith in her words
but I've never been one
to believe in ghosts.

Dec 2014 namii

Nights Like This

Dec 2014 namii

Sari Sups

Nights Like This

You used to chew tobacco on late nights like this,
on late nights when we couldn't find the stars in the sky.
You would always say you hated the world
and then kiss me when you remembered I existed.
Then suddenly you fell in love with a new kind of light-
no longer the ones that burned in my hands
but a name like a hushed prayer
on your lips
that no longer met mine.
Nights like this became worrying
as I sat by the piano-
quietly playing your favorite song-
hoping I'd hear your
car in the driveway.
Nights like this became following the smell of alcohol
up the stairs to our bedroom-
you said over and over again about how you
were too tired to talk
and I was always too tired to argue.
Nights like this became blurry vision from wasted tears
and pressing cold meat to my eyes--
but I never stopped waiting for the constellations
to appear
hoping that the stars I once found in your eyes
would return.

Fiction. But i was in a desperate and tragic position that day. Sorry for this **** but i liked it.

#poem #sad #eyes #stars #night #you #me #painful #constellations #us

Dec 2014 namii

Reasons Rather Like Excuses

Dec 2014 namii

Q

Reasons Rather Like Excuses

It doesn't matter and it never mattered
You're smiling into your mattress while you suffocate.
The sky was black and blue like bruises that night
All the doors were open but you didn't run away.

It's completely possible you're stuck here
Even though you've never stopped for a single day
If you took just the smallest of respites
It's not impossible that your mind would break.

Maybe in half a year everything will pay off
If it does, you'll be indifferent to it anyway.
Maybe you'll lie about lying about keeping promises
And allow yourself to come of age.

Turn over, inhale, there's blood on the ceiling
Count the popcorn kernels until your vision blurs and fades.
Two hours and you're back where you began
Two hours and you're forced awake, every single day.

No sadness, no contentment, no joy, no depression
Just calm, cool acceptance of bits of existence.
The epitaph will be angry, begging to know why you'd do this
And you'll give reasons rather sounding like excuses.

#depression #death #thoughts

Dec 2014 namii

Relieved

Dec 2014 namii

Julie Butler

Relieved

I'll start breathing again
& release this exhale
From the hell that it came from
Like swallowing nails
I inhaled every smell
And like fire it stunk
I was a tree
You were mean
How you burned down my trunk
But it's done
It's all done
I'm not worried about you
& the noise that you made
drilling holes in your truth
I'm not stressed out or cold
I'm not bitter or sad
What we had was an accident
Now it's gone & I'm glad
I can stand up with excellence
I got you off of my back
Like I lost 1000 pounds
That I never want back

Dec 2014 namii

she wore all black

Dec 2014 namii

CenterGravity

she wore all black

She wore all black on occasions
When the mourning and grief felt inside had to be shown outwards
Cares and concerns not her own
Rivers of the burdens of silent tears and prayers
The blood of the innocent cries out to the hearts and minds of those that know more than they say
The struggle is real somewhere else your struggle is a matter of choices
Go ahead and numb your pain since it's too much for you to handle
Working towards changing for the better.
Little do you know that it can't be found inside of you.
She wore all black on occasions
To show her respects for the dead and the living who hadn't yet realized how dead they are.

Dec 2014 namii

what you get is what you see

Dec 2014 namii

CenterGravity

what you get is what you see

You tried to hide me.
You attempted to dim me.
You even endeavored to vanquish me.
You don't know my origin.
You thought you were god!?
You are nothing more than an empty shell tossed to the wastebin only to hit and miss.
Your life is spent on the ground
Meant to collect dirt, diseases, and infections.
As long as you are apart from light you will bring your own demise.
The desolation you see around you is only a glimpse of the deprivation, decay, and decomposition hungrily growing and drawing towards you.
Held back and restricted by the innocence and purity of a precious child. Through the grace and mercy of a forgiving compassionate heart the wrath and stench of death is subsided and contained.
The time is soon at hand to make a choice.
Whether you'll seek a different way or continue in your blind dismay.

~S.M.S

AL