I am happy, because I am sad, and you are not.
I am sad, because I am happy, and you are not.

Whatever I touch, I break, so I don't even touch
Wherever I shine, I fake, my shadow tells too much
However I try to proceed, I sink in too deep
Whomever I call love, never we share a good sleep

Every moment collapses, leaving us blindly
I hold on to my senses, singns of my body
I wear however the wounds of my soul
Questions of origin, others and all

Reliance on feelings have thought me to judge
Listening to voices have brought me through grudge
Counting on numbers have led me to withdraw
Looking at features have dreamed up just plain law

I wander and wonder, why I can't do the math
Why these thoughts ponder and don't take a bath
Sometimes I share a free passion to make
But most of the times those act like headache

Here am I reflecting, dissecting my wows
Wishing and cursing on different nows
Clocking and measuring where there shall be strength,
Courage and willpower does not care about length

One heart: swelled
Now split to many pieces
Some lost, some ignored
Some beat at divers paces

A year... or more...
I'd care if it'd worth it,
Let's say exactly: four
Since I got back to waste it

Cancer is science
Science is cancer
Cancer calls cancer
Science cures cancer
Science calls science
Cancer cures science
Science is science
Cancer is cancer

And the morning has come again with the message
That my dreams in forms of fears have returned
To my mind

There is but only one truth,

That means what only is,

Is that, there is only love and it is infinite.

From time to time I hit the same wall,
Regret, return, run back where I've started.
Read the same lines, hear the same sounds,
Every symbol draws my look towards the centre.

Seems each time a bit more faded,
My paint is slowly wearing off.
The pieces combine, but not so brightly,
As before I once with impatience tore them apart.

From time to time I get the same hit,
Regret, renew and act more mature.
See the same signs, go the same way,
Every piece calls my attention to heed them.

Looks each time a bit more random,
The touch of lines come articulate.
These old wounds are, not the last ones,
And soon, I feel the need to hide beneath the edge.

I don't like to choose.
I prefer not to lose.
I don't want to win,
There's no rush I'm in.

I do not like to wait.
I prefer not to hate.
I don't want to remember,
There is no use to play stronger.

I don't accept my twisted logic.
I prefer joy, not pain, it's tragic.
I gained nothing there and it's a shame,
That so much men suffer in vain.

I don't take advice.
I know its severe price.
I could never laugh at wars,
Though it's funny, how far is close.

I don't long for holy fame,
I need no justice, cleansing flame.
I despise revenge, all the like,
The real is enough mess to fight.

This is what will I do, I will sample my most important memories and associate a symbol with them. The symbols will be connected. With each symbol, the actual memory episode can be reached and reconstructed. Registering each moment of life would be unnecessary, but with identifying the key episodes and moments of time and their points in space (that is perceived relatively), the actual life could be copied into another human consciousness.

Quite weird things are these...

Find me, dear death, find me now,
I am not strong enough, I am not afraid enough.

Find me, near death, fight me then,
I am still not weak enough, I am still unprepared.

Find me, bleeding, find me broken,
I am just too wrong to see, I am blinded, I am ill.

Find me...

Maybe hate is just an aspect,
means of time that was or will
do, or spill, eventually, ****
the love we drowned in, remained still...

Maybe hate is another form,
a state of matter, a lapse of reason,
a part of a personal, secret decision,
to save our mind, to protect freedom...

Maybe I have learned to lie
unconsciously to unlearn love,
making excuses to stop,
hoping to run again a year above...

Maybe I've forgotten truth
by will and by a certain choice,
to give my utmost shame a voice,
to take a beating without cause...

Maybe all the time I've known
the difference, but that is, hence
torn up in bitter ignorance'
twisted, deep, black, blissful hands.

Creation is so hard, not even the ease of a whole
Life wasted could give enough pleasure to
Cover up the pain what has to be put into it.

Creation is not for the fine-fueled,
Ones, who play their world goal by goal,
Fight their void deal by deal.

Creation means to always leave enough room
To let them all be destroyed and breathe again.
Single-mindedly be done, and redone, and redone.

I am, too.
I am you when we go through...
The joys and horrors of passion,
The pain unnoticed by a lack of action,
The shame shamelessly felt over the time lost to fake connexion,
The blaze that burns and chokes us, yet we still want: agression,
The never aging ever breeding question:
Why?

I hope, too.
I hoped for too much, hoped like you...
But what to hope for without you, what to lose more, thought?
I hope that once the thought will cry as not the one that fell apart
Anyhow I just fought me when I hurt you and myself hard...
The more I hope the less I live, let this peaceful end turn to art!
But not that kind I used to will, not what steals, but tears a heart.
And how I still fall deep in dread holding onto the one last shard.
Wake up!

I try, too.
I tried so hard, but not with you...
In my past, goals were set easy, I even had more own choices.
You, a bright and playful mind, made good fun of ill-eerie voices.
Lazyness denounced us; yet we found: we still gain chances.
Trying hard was not an option, fights were in fact, pretty dances.
At one time or yet another, the game of life turned ruthless.
The first blows didn't even harm, but you became their witness.
Try again, fear not, improve!

I love, too.
I loved and worked with what you knew...
And love must sometimes has to bring its darker nature;
I always knew the only way to see new life is mature.
Too little were we to grasp then, how it will cause torture...
The first real thing you got to feel was withdrawal. Erasure.
All love came free, unrestrained, youth and beauty did a favor.
But no true love lasts, nor even sparks, innocent, creature.
Beware, accept refusal!

I hate, too.
I hated none once, haven't you?
We got them right first all the time.
Or second, third, in some next rhyme.
At one time, you were due to fail. I'm inerrant, how is this mine?
No, failure is never mine! We have lost and they did fine!
Hate is not so easy when you loved, as love, without a crime.
It creeps and piles up slowly in the ill-fed soul, like grime.
Forget, forgive!

I give, too.
I gave too little, gave too soon.
Or give too late and no love, hate or even a simple notice made.
Even ancient people saw that life, chemistry: they're about trade.
Give, take, count, prepare, we should have had learnt earlier...
Make, develop, mind, matter, we really should do this better!
I gave when asked, but afraid to ask, to give enough: I can never.
I gave what I got, shall I do just what I could if I must, forever?
Give, love and never give up!

I act, too.
I swear I do, just in case I excuse you...
I take actions, I say words, both are mighty, each one works.
I use language, I have thought, I may sound scary, I may scold.
Changes, in turn, demand patience, lots of actions, a good hold.
You, my dear mind, only you may make us walk the right way.
Think straight and wise when taking action, seize a fine day!
And when in need or a big excess, act quickly, make use, express.
Just act well and do work fine!

I die, too.
I die too, some day I'll die with you.
I am a spirit, but also a droid, a body, a vessel, a thinking fluid.
I am a being, trapped in samsara with a conscious ego and id,
And something above, all my brothers, fellow men and others,
Our selves live within others we know and they live in ours.
All my memories have parts of them within a universal they,
And finally I shall fade away, my actions call my life a day.
Live true, die happy!

I live, too.
I lived long and you minded me...
Who you are is all you do, say, write, love or hate, so choose!
Come together, be alone, do the homework, answer the phone!
Make your dreams work, to live your dream, make friends!
Come back home again, make love, live life, make sense!
Listen well, play music, enjoy games, don't panic, just dance!
Know us, know them, be yourself bravely, everyone will love it!
Maybe. ;)

What could I do, realizing my weak things?
Burning old photographs, erasing feelings....
Horror shapes my precious, God-given talent
Into bursts of madness and unforgiving lament.

I seek order in chaos, a cure for my illness,
But all I gain is the loss of friendship and willingness.
Entering nowhere, the land of the banned creatures,
A sea full of fragmented, thought-tortured sleepers.

Afraid of unkind, honest, barren charges,
I surrender to true dread, alienate, hide, miss.
Cut the cords and go deaf, go far away from temptation,
Tie myself to loneliness and melt into contemplation.

Answers will come, within my mind and endless worlds await,
Twisting words of treacherous friends remind my futile hate
I cannot love, I cannot trust, I cannot act as normal...
Perhaps burning memories deem forgiveness immor(t)al.

...All that jazz in the microphone hips trip-hop through
Your eyes, one of which have to me - like - never lied even once;

We share dreams without cost or logic bounds, without rush
And paranoia, without shame and tool advice();

Your software really makes my ware hard, as I have just no words
For the upgrade that startled my system as your perfume rendered
The whole logic core under influence, even our nanites match and make
The finest blend chemistry what is imaginable between two human hearts.

I call beauty and your voice echoes along corridors within my mindscape,
You answered yes in tomorrow's vision, we are a loop that never gets stopped by
A single **** or a long kiss, a healing hug makes it thumb faster, the body heats
Tell each other their Brownean tales after, I look deeply into your ever-smiling glance.
You gave me a chance and thought my spirit to dance, my body to listen, we knew
Both that we don't need permission, your aching heart broke free in the embrace
I gave to the two of us, I feel even Earth is by our side, deep desires have came to
Being as you brought the beams of joy in your legs, the liberator of sorrowful
Lost lovers, the reason to come alone without the cuffs of matter and uncertainty
Principles that make our identical statues of the old temptation meaningless in
the flower decoration you thrive to be, acting as naturally as only you can be...

This has nothing to do with my style, you shape passion out of my more mechanical self
Into a wonder beyond clear, symmetric logic, a whisper that remains imbued with magic
A lie that stood true all along while all the true facts collided, I just glared in the into a Place that hided the perfect maze of shadow and colour and light within your remedial happiness...

In this moment I'm sure that history will gladly
Spend time wondering around as you
Make my life shine, no more haunting pasts
Drive through the fictional present,
The most likely innocent future,
Your inner young mischievous pretty-faced
Smart girl fused with your
Caring mother and witty-wise-fun nature
As a woman, you make my day lose all of its
Gloomy clouds, give it meaning and my soul
Courage to move on,
To me: never let hope Go,
That our destinies cease to be ends,
Become beginnings,
Those forever whole-hearted Promises
Are no longer vacant words,
But Bring seeds of awakened worlds,
Taking us far beyond the laws of
Body attraction,
Sensational action;
- A whole, not a fraction!
We are in each other's arms resting.

In this, I give you my really rare kindest traces to my soul's finest places.
My passionate patience until all starts to make sense,
An ancient restless quest for me now you have solved,
A hiding happiness returns to me as we give
Our mixed hands an elegant, equal, melting-warm hold.

Never rush into love from panic
What bursts then departs abruptly
True evil lies at its grim, abysmal peak
That drains you undead infinitely