I’m screaming at the whispers of you
To shut up.

Asking them to just let me believe I’m happy.

Because if I can’t convince myself
How can I convince you?

You and your smile that made me fall.
You pretending that you don't care at all.

You killing me slowly, straight to the core.
You stripping me of my self-worth and throwing it to the floor.

You and your lies, of love and forever.
You and your promises of always being together.

You and her, unable to escape my brain.
You knowing that my only relief is found in a blade.

You holding me as I cry into your arms.
You promising me I will come to no harm.

You whispering those three words I long to hear.
You whispering "God, I love you My Dear".

I loved with a passion in my soul,
The kind of love you find
Coming from an alcoholic with a fine bottle of brandy.

It was toxic.

They say I was out of control,
I say blame it on love.

After all this time
I’m still holding onto rundown excuses.

Trying to chase away the blues,
With a baseball bat,
Engraved with the words.

Go Away

I’ve found myself wandering down every empty street
Hoping one of them would lead me back to myself.

Then before realizing you can’t find yourself
Within a pothole stricken road
Without catching a cold.

I caught a cold.

And the cold I caught was wretched.

Only cured by a carton of Ben and Jerrys
And a long night

That night was the longest.

It was one of the nights were it felt
Like a hand with arthritis was clutching your heart.

I found myself downing any bottle of anything,
And finding nothing.

Then I found myself questioning
The nothing I was finding.

I found myself second guessing,
Every breath I took.

Like my lungs were the problem.

But honestly,
I’m gonna blame love,
And I’m gonna be blaming it hard.

And I’ll use every rundown excuse in the book,
If it helps me find something.

Something to hold onto
Just so I get through the night.

I will use every rundown excuse in the book,
To find substance in the nothing I’ve been finding.

Because within this nothing,
There must be something.

Because nothing is something,
And something is not nothing.

So here's to me and my rundown excuses
The excuses I use when I need something.

But can’t find anything.

My love may be blind,
but my eyes have never failed me.

You placed a gloved hand over my eyes,
Telling me “our love is undying.”

That my stubborn personality lit a new flame
Inside your heart daily.

You expressed your love for me,
In songs you found on the internet.

Then I began to see cracks
Between your fingers.

Seeing the way your smile would falter,
As would the way you would look at me.

The way our eyes would meet.
Like we saw stars that had yet to be discovered.

I remember the day
You began to remove singular fingers.

You began to tell me
That my stubbornness,
Is annoying.

That the songs you had found on the internet,
No longer applied.

I think that was the day you removed your hands completely.
And told me our love was dead.

The line,
Til death do us part
Applies.

Because we may not have died,
But the love between us had.

That was also the day,
I realized I had won that stupid game of,
I love you more.