When you die
Does every thought you ever thought end up forgotten?
As your brain decomposes
As brains typically do
Do you lose the memories you once had
For what good do these memories do when your dead
Will you forget every face you once saw
Forget the definition of beautiful
Love
Happiness
Sadness
When everything goes black
Do you forget every color
So no matter what
Purple
Red
Blue
Its all black to you
When you die will you forget everyone you love(d)
For what use are they to you now
Will you forget every conversation
Every suicidal thought
Every thing that made life ****
Or
Made life perfect

But I guess we wont know that until we die
But even then
Will we know?

Is this what old age
Is talking about
And why am I the last
To find all of this out
That my due North
Is heading straight  South
With all of my hair
And most my teeth falling out

For me gradually
Losing my sight
Saving me from
What I'd rather not find
The wrinkles to
My  drooping eyes
As the younger me
Dawn's an old age disguise

I seem to wheeze
More now than I breath
Check out my pants
Each time that I sneeze
When did my thoughts
Pack up and leave
Taking with them
My precious memory

Is this what old age
Is talking about
And why am I the last
To find all of this out
I used to be king
But somehow lost that crown
The only other thing....

Now what was I talking about?

Dancing on the drink stained tables
Because there's no more room
Out on the crowded flimsy floor,
That is uneven and *****,
Drinks are spilled, then replaced
And smoke lingers in the air,
But what does it matter anyway?
There's music filling the old room,
Music that's frightening to the old,
But still too much for the young.
In here,there is no snowstorm,
In here, God is alive and it's 1955.
The fiddles don't sing, they howl.
The storytellers don't speak, they rave.
A hiding place to wish away anything.

-Jamie F. Nugent

there is plenty of time in the world,

just not enough for us

new day
new page,
fill in with color

make myself
a masterpiece

museums full
of pieces like me,
i'm trying to find
some originality

but there's
nothing
new
under the sun

perhaps in another universe
i'd be unique
those new eyes would
find something beautiful
in me

I still write you
As a part of everything
A thousand characters
With the same heart in my mind
This heart of mine
Beats in time with yours
You'll be my everything
My ceilings and my floors
And my bed
Where I fall asleep to dream
You'll be my love
My understanding of god

Dearest Zelda
I could give my life
And it never could be as much
As you deserve
So I'll give you the next one
I'll give you all the stars I come from

I still dream you
I still am thankful
You found a way to save me
When nothing ever could
The beginning and the end
Of everything
I love you
I am you
And we are the rain
Born from our tears before
We fall together
Holding hands

Sweet Isabella
I keep on throwing parties
That I can't enjoy
Because you're not there
And one day I won't need wine to drink
One day I won't need drugs to get high

I may be great
Gatsby dies for Daisy
My soul can't be complete
If not for you
Its as though our broken pieces
Put together make a perfect whole

I hope you hear the hopes in my words
That they speak to you
I hope you feel the sorrow in my handwriting
That I'm not with you now

Your head submerges into the
Deep
Dark
Blue abyss
There is silence
True silence
Underwater is the only place where true silence exists
Your once formless breaths of air now take shape
And every next bubble is another bubble closer to death
You could die right here right now
But
For once in your life you dont feel like dying
Your head comes back up
You gasp to retain all the bubbles you lost
You hear tiny annoying little voices
Screaming
Yelling
Crying
You start to wonder if you made the right choice
You chuckle at the thought
Something misconstrued as a sin
You submerge your head
To part from the noise
For the sweet sweet silence
Of water again

for years they have wandered,
they have tip-toed through wonderlands and graveyards,
through cities and villages, through meadows and forests
you can tell from the scars that they were damaged,
that each terrain made a mark on their fragile skin

we spend an absurd amount of attention
on how those marks came to be; not enough
on the middle, who struggles to wash them off

no,

i will not tell you how
they felt as a tiny speck of pink dust
being brought into this enormous universe;
but i can repeat the story of their
breeze of a birth, a breath of fresh air

i will not tell you how
they felt changing addresses;
but i can repeat the story of how
their family packed their bags
and moved two blocks away,
leaving their father to grow
a collection of empty bottles
in his empty apartment

however,

i will tell you of the time
they found a constant star
in their ever-changing sky;
it burned them with each touch,
but they kept coming back,
intoxicated by the light
this star burned too bright for
our flickering lightbulb of a hero

i will tell you of the time
they changed zip codes, twice
in the span of eight months;
lost everything except for
dusty yearbooks,
hidden scars,
and a broken body.
each land pushed our hero
into infectious isolation
our hero began to grow in,
but they wanted to grow out

i will tell you of the time
they stared into another person's eyes;
felt caterpillars crawling
in their stomach,
unsure if they would grow
into moths or butterflies
but these caterpillars
never wove a cocoon
and our hero was left with
wriggling worms in their stomach

i will not tell you of the past
if it does not affect the present.
old scars are no concern;
they are only reminders that
the past was real

this life they lead
is something in-between;
between firsts and lasts
between new scars and old
between beginnings and endings

this origin story is being rewritten.