i was too scar(r)ed,
and he didn't love me enough.

in all honesty,
she's prettier,
bolder,
better,
than any version of me will ever be.

loving me,
to you,
was a shield,
to keep you safe,
from her love,
you coward.

isn't it funny,
how you,
always,
always,
always,
go back,
to her?

thank you,
for giving me closure,
not one i deserved,
but the agony woke me up,
from dreams of us,
or what could've been us.

clock is ticking,
waiting for that question,
am i seeing you again or am i not.

i am nothing but,
a bridge you cross,
to go to her.

i am who i am,
for myself,
not for you,
never for you.

i am terrified at the thought,
of losing you,
but listen.

when i get a text from you,
my heart inaugurates once again,
every single time.

when you said you loved me,
i did not know how,
to say i have loved you for longer.

i just hope,
you're not just playing,
because a heartbreak is much worse than a loss.

i'm trying to move on,
from the fear,
of never talking to you again.

i really really really wish,
you would've turned out different.

i have failed to love you,
for i do not know how,
to love.

i fell in love,
with the idea,
of you,
and not you.

you have been quiet lately,
and i just hope you're happy.

i looked for you,
in all the faces i saw,
the other night.

when i look at you,
i forget all that is,
not you.

each time i ask,
you say you never forgot about me,
yet you act like you did.

i am running out of words,
and you still haven't called.

staring into the mirror,
i am unable to recognise,
the feelingless monster,
staring back at me.

comparisons,
between me and her,
it is always her,
just different hers.

i despise all there is about you,
my dear self.

drowning in self loathe i am,
doing things i regret daily,
losing my peace by piece.

what broke me,
wasn't you,
it was me,
all along.

i hate how,
i keep checking my phone,
waiting for a call,
i know i won't get.

i do not miss you,
i just suffocate,
every minute,
without you.

i hate how weak i get,
when you're around.

and just like that,
we stopped talking,
as if nothing has happened,
between what was once,
us.

lost count of words,
i haven't told you yet,
for you do not listen.

i miss the echo,
of your voice,
calling my name,
filling my empty heart,
with a love i never had.

we fell in love,
i am still there,
are you?

i want to leave you,
but my heart has held onto you,
for its dear life.

if you are unsure about me,
tell me,
please.

did i love you,
or,
do i.

everytime i think i am over you,
everytime i think i have my closure,
i go through the heartbreak all over again.

two days before my birthday,
that time,
my soul returned back to my soulless body.

reading over the words,
i could not believe,
my heart started beating fast.

unable to form words,
i ruined it all,
once again.

you called,
but i don't feel anything,
anymore.

empty words,
empty promises,
empty excuses,
is all you give me.

honesty,
is all there is,
to solve,
the lie of a relationship we had.

waiting for the day,
i write about how,
i do not miss you anymore,
that day is getting closer,
than we both think.

little update,
for my heart,
if it is still there,
i finally got bored,
of reading our old chats.

Haven't replied in 4 days,
Wish you would've done an effort,
To understand me.

But you didn't.

call me silly,
but i had a little hope,
you might call,
and ask to see me,
perhaps then you'd understand,
why i'm quiet.

when i see you,
my heart goes places,
yet i don't know,
how to act around you,
for you turn cold,
all of a sudden.

you confuse me,
you confuse my heart,
you confuse all there is to me.

this feeling in my chest,
is something between,
emptiness and regret.

i miss your voice.

my issues with myself,
are more each day,
maybe it is a good thing,
you're away.

somewhere along the lines,
of you knowing i like you,
and me knowing you like me,
we lost a couple of unsaid words.