My eyes are drawn to the road to my door
The path long, snow filled,
I keep looking for you,
Walking down the road coming home to me
Yet you do not even know where I live now
Yet I expect you non the less, come find me
I await you, you and nothing else
I have never known anyone like you
The regret I feel for us ending is real
That is just the beginning of how I feel
I miss our creations, our union
The sounds you made in bed, almost not human
That makes me smile like your butterfly
And you know why
I am thinking I might not be done with you
The dizziness still hits me when
I remember our times together- and not just us two
You were one of US, our family- it included you
We all miss you, we often speak of you
And now you re appear and our happy times are again within view
I sigh, I wonder could we make it together- try again
I miss you~
for my cow
That heavy yet relieving sigh
Where did that come from?
I sit and I wonder why!!!
I was talking to a nice guy..
Was that it? Was that a guy sigh??
The ONE worth my words, emotions and soul
Where is the one for me to behold?
Someone for me to be bold with
To share my true self with?
Where is HE?
The man with fresh conversations, new daily plans
The man who likes to make things with his hands
A man who likes to hear my poetry, feels my words
maybe even bring him to his knees
Where is THIS man for me?
Waves ran wild across vibrations of metal
Like a guitar playing under an ocean wave
Carrying the purpose and dream of one man
A piece of metal of a surgery gone wrong
Saved, an outer symbol, the only one
I dreamed about it last night
This man, his piece of metal
As I am a water creature, a fish very true
I picked up the symbol and attached it to a compass
This compass does not move, mixed in place forever
A symbol of his attitude
His direction will not waiver, this is his truth
I handed it back to him as a gift of gratitude
An example he is of strength and determination
And for that I have admiration~
when I broke my ribs I could no longer
chop my wood, shoot my gun or beat my drum
Healing takes time and I need a way to thump
I need twang, thumps and ca-chings
I thought how can I be musical and do my thing
I can't beat on much of anything!
Movement makes my ribs scream!
Enter my new friend TAMBOURINE!
He came with room for memories to be had
His hand opening with a place for me to be kept
But I am aware that his memory stick wanted me bad
Come to my home, be open and free
But do not come with a memory stick you want to fill up with ME!
This day and age of fast computer stuff..
Someone can walk right in, plug in a stick and steal your life
Be aware when people come to play and ask to use your computer for just a moment to show you something cool...they might have other plans for what your computer holds...
Keep them at bay
evil visitors want to take personal files..
He just needs someone
It does not seem to matter WHO
As long as Someone is there for him to talk to
It used to be me, that someone he spoke to everyday
I thought our conversations were special, our time unique
But in the end he just needed just ANYBODY to hear him speak
He has filled the void my leaving has left
He no longer calls because he feels the world is deaf
He found another to take his grief off his chest
In the end I know this is right, my leaving was best
I ended my disillusion that I could make everything alright
He never heard a word I said
He never showed me he understood, just played dead
I know that right now he is talking to her
Some stranger that in reality is a blur
Just someone, anybody to hear his voice
Without much thought he picked her, his choice
She is someone who listens to him
But does he ever hear her?
to my ex husband
Dimples appear when thoughts of you near
Twitches of corners of my mouth come out
Little giggles occur, a sway with the tunes playing
Gentleness hits my chest
Your the best
Someday soon I will smile all over you
I hope it sticks like glue
He says all the right things
He helps in all the right ways
My issue is
Not the right man
I sit in a daze
Try as I might
I can not see myself holding that tight
He says all the right things
Does the chopping of the wood
Builds the fire, keeps it going
That is good
But only physically in the furnace
Make that understood
My personal fire is not burning
There is no spark
I cannot be part of that
I can pretend no longer
That all the right words is what I want or wanted
I need that spark inside that leaves me haunted
I need to feel connected in a way that burns into me
But unfortunately I do not feel that -Yet he peruses me
He sees a bright future for the two of us together
To me it looks pretty dim~
waves are what they are..least I am honest with myself. I feel a bit guilty and sad but I am not filling in the blank with just any man~
Where the hell is the slow train that lets me enjoy the ride!
Everything is moving so fast my eyes cannot keep up
My heart on a steep slide
I have applied my breaks but still we collide
I have asked to slow down and switch gears
but there is no derailing your obsession and this my biggest fear!
This ride we have been on- your standing so close I cannot rightly even see you.
I have had no chance to sit back and take anything in
Everything is moving too fast and I need a ******* my chin
That type of ride is not what I am looking for
Where the hell is my slow ride with ease and relaxed view?
I want time to reflect and understand more than the surface of you
But the gears will not change, the ride won't slow down
So I will get off this train in the smallest of **** towns
As long as I have space for myself without the guilt or a frown
I will hang my traveling hat up and sit down
Clearly on the wrong track
I have told you before
This place your going is not for me
I do not want to go down that path with you
Although it is a path for two
I am not ready to go there with you~
Derail your train!
All this talk so serious is a strain
It causes me pain
Derail this insane idea
We do not belong together
Good friends maybe better
I am not ready to wear your sweater
Derail this pain
Get the hints and bold statements I declare
I am not riding this train with you
It is driving me insane
Where your going is a dead end dear
You wont find me there
I move in slow spurts
More ribs busted this time
I don't understand why
I was taken for a boonie crasher ride
When I asked for a sober driver to take me home
The fault- Is it my own?
I thought finding a sober driver after 3 beers was a good choice
But the consequences severe!
Fractured ribs slow me down
Now I need people to drive my *** to town
Gravity hurts- so I move in small spurts
With a smile, sometimes a wince
but never a frown
"You have captured my heart and soul"
But I did not try to or mean to I say
"Be careful with it" you say
I did not put my hand out and take any offers so large
but with that sentence you did charge...
I have a sense of guilt already!
but I keep saying
"We are not going steady"
I am not responsible for your heart
I am overwhelmed and not in a good sense
Your view of me is of a miserable person
One who has everything and is unhappy
Your view is one of an artist, and its ******!
Your painting of me is made just for you
When you paint me as miserable it feels happy to you
You want me unhappy because it is I who left YOU!
Just so that you know
You have painted me wrongly
Because I carry on happily and quite strongly!
So color me happy, color me cool
Color me the Karen You never took the time to know
Color me happy with the space and peace I need
You negativity is something I will not feed~
Twisting things and it don't feel yummy
I have a topsy turning tummy
Anxiety and it feels funny
But what I have to deal with is all serious
For real I have to go deal with these issues
Be strong get it done
Forgo any tissues
Just go do that **** that makes me spin
Deal with the issues that make me wince
I have a topsy turning tummy but not for long
I am gonna adapt and over come
The shake of the leg while crossed
Not the way to walk but I am moving forward non the less
I dance in my chair and feel so blessed
A singing morning full of spice
Coffee is extra strong, on Friday that is nice!
I woke the girls with my voice
I had headphones on and was singing loud
Music of my choice ; )
Something to make me feel proud
Fiona sings of a Better Version of Me
I sing along ever so happily
Wake the girls - make them shine
Tell them how beautiful they are, talented, special- mine!
Good Morning Friday! Good Morning my girls
Rise and shine
Sing with me..give this day a whirl!!
I have to tend to the flame
I have to provide the warmth to keep myself alive
I have to keep the fire going
I do not want to freeze
I love keeping warm in winter
This much is true
In my previous lives I always paid the electric company
So I tried not to over use, cost cutting took skill
But with this fire I tend
I can open my door can let out some heat without guilt
I let in the fresh air
and forgo the quilts!
I keep my fire going
It is a responsibility
But with it comes freedoms that I enjoy
So I keep my fire going
I watch it burn
I chop my own **** wood
These muscles I EARN
So I keep my fire going
Inside and out. ; )
I enjoy every bit of it without a doubt!
He leaves his house due to the sound of the clocks ticks and tocks.
The clocks ever reminding him of time slipping by
Days roll off like breaths in a short walk around the block.
This man is over tocked.
It has become his tick.
His mind locks up
with the sounds of tick and tock
But I am not yours alone
I am not a painting that is up to you- to whom it is shown
I will never be your possession
Not your private show
Not part of any gallery display
But in the sun with the wind
A living display of art itself but never meant to sit on YOUR shelf
I am a whimsical muse
It does not take much to light my creative fuse
I am for display at my time and my placement
I smile when I want for my own entertainment
I laugh right now with nothing to lose
At the idea of people as ART..
Myself, I am, always will be and display like a pro
But being a part of your collection is not my way , ya know?
A part of me drifts away into a place somewhere outside in the wooded area next to my shop of grand size. I can see myself sitting on a stair below you talking about all of the things we can make.
Within that little dream we discussed the gifts we had, the gifts we bring to the table.
The things we wanted to built each other, the things we would plant in the spring.
But what came to mind was a question, an answer and some incredible peace.
I drool literally as I smile now and my lip twitches as I hold a secret..the question, the answer..and the twinkle in my eyes as I suddenly go to write in my journal about important things.
I heard you ask the question "What would be the perfect gift?"
Presents being what they are my mind would usually be so mixed!
I am twinkled to say that when you asked in my dream today I answered you within a second, NO DELAY!
Amazing as this sounds, be golly it is true..within that little dream of a shared moment on the stairs with you..I found a part of me that has the freshest of attitudes.
That gift I said which would be perfect for me would be a king sized blank canvas especially for me!
I have not thought about what it is that I would paint.
There are no preponderances of how to erase the blank white surface.
Filled within my spirit is a super passion filled excitement.
Not filled with ideas of what to put on it or how and where to hang it.
I am not filled with perfectionism and scared to use it.
I do not think if I slapped some rusty colors on it and called it good that would be called abusing it.
There is no pressure on how I would be using it.
Just the excitement of the blank slate that in life like a wave I be surfing it.
As addicted to colors as I am I am in no hurry on applying what will stick to it.
I simply smile at the possibilities before me, and my ease at which I shall be choosing it ; )
Like crying babies who don't use tissues
Heaven must have its own issues
I feel the heaven I live within has its own issues
Let me begin
No cold water in the bathtub for the first month, a sin!
Snakes lizards and spiders in the basement
With water leaks peeking out when it rains
I am sure I will see them again
The chimneys in heaven must get swept?
I know someone would want a fire up there
To cozy up with a good book or in a self created sewing nook
I am sure heaven has some soot
I am sure even in heaven chimney sweeps have ***** boots
Now I feel I live in heaven
But this place has its issues
But nothing will bother me much, well except for those skunks
The bears will sleep soon and leave me alone
By then the fruit of the fall will all be gone!
I wonder if heaven has its seasonal issues
I wonder if babies up there actually use tissues
For now I will take my slice of heaven, with its issues
and be thankful I take the harshness with the beauty
And pray I don't run out of **** tissue ; )
Flow, finally flow my art-Go be part of the world
I give you new eyes to view you, I free you with heart
For sale my art, for sale my passion
What I shall sell is not like anything anyone else shall barter
I made mine all myself, I am a self starter
I am a bit nervous this much is true
But it is because I have a big booth at Cider Fest
In Marcus Washington, I am very excited
How about you? Come to try the fresh cider ok
But come to see my glorious booth
I shall have pendants for sale and necklaces too
I am prepared and I have my tables tent and a good mood
I have beautiful glass for sale, and a positive attitude
See you at Cider Fest, wear comfortable shoes ; )
first time at cider fest
If Wishes were for fishes
All my dreams would come true
Thankfully I am fish, I know my sign
I know how to make my dream be the rewarding kind
I have dreamed
I swam upriver
I am here at the top of the United States
I am ready to plant my feet
Just about where the USA and Canada meet
I found my home, my ranch, my dream
Now let me move and fuffill my lifes' greatest dreams
The yards have gardens apples and pears
There is the sound of cows everywhere!
Miles surround us of land that we have rights to
At night the sky full of stars the only lights to look up to
Cougars and bears will be seen
But we are country women, we are keen
Montana born, country mean
Don't ya'all worry
I got this ****..all I need now is a riffle, an ax
and maybe a 4 wheeler machine ; )
I miss you more than words
But not because I lack expression of my affection
my gratitude and love for you
I miss you more than words because words are but lies
from the lips I held dear
The lips that kissed me and told me they loved me
Had only lies in all other words spoken
So my faith that I was loved for real was broken
I do not know if you loved me...and even if you told me so
I would not believe the words..you if you held me just so..
Please know I miss you more than words
Oh the JOY of that first few months of Honeymoon ***
Wild wanting with no holds barred
Biting and ******* leaving the skin marred
No thought of time or things to do
All I could think of was more *** with you
But when the honeymoon is over
The *** feels a bit boring and that bore takes over
leaving me wanting the next honey to moon and have fun with now that you..I am over
He was fun
But not the ONE
His lies made everything come undone
It is OK, I will be fine
It was too soon for a relationship
However it sure was Rebound time
He was fun, we had a blast
But the time for that is OVER
Now I can be free at last~
I know I am lovable, touchable and funny as hell
So dwelling on not being good enough is gone as well
I enjoyed my rebound guy
..I have already said goodbye...
I cannot lie..he were my rebound
Had he not lied to me so much oh the relationship we could have had
So long rebound..so long Chad
This time with planning and care
When I unpack I want it to be happy and fun
Not boxes full of things left undone
Each box will be a joy to open
Nothing found in pieces or broken
On the move again
Summer vacation home rental lease is over'
Time to find a new home to explore
Somewhere to settle down and enjoy galore
I know moving is stressful
But I am excited so
Because now it is time to find a yearly
I found a farm house
I can raise chickens
We will have apples walnuts and rose hips for the pickins
On the move again
See you soon..I am happy..smiling big as the moon
The thing about pets is
They cost you money
They eat sleep and shower for free
They have no job except pleasing the master
They don't contribute to the finances whatsoever
But wearing collars pasties and bells makes you cute as hell
And you were very clever...
I know pets are a responsibility..
I have changed my mind and set you free
Though I have tried to make you flee
I cannot get rid of you that easily
Being a pet owner of that type is not for me
I am not letting any man live free off of me ; )
I seek nothing less
I know what I need
I know what makes me flow- what makes me bleed
What I feed upon what makes me bleed..what makes... make s me bleed
I know upon what you feeI =l..I know..know I am what you feed upon I know I know
BUT I know what I need and I seek nothing less..though I seek relentlessltly
I seek none the less
As MY husband you signed a sacred contract to give me your best
I got your worst..I *** the BLUNT of you
The cure NOT I
I so sorry my my eyes cry
You contracted me your best and you gave me your worst
You did not care for my physical needs or my emotional bursts
You did not care for me the way I need
You now I emotionally bleed
all over the floor
right now tears..flood my floor wondering why I never got your best and someone else will..the best I contracted for..but you never delievered thru OUR door
I miss you **** it
and everything we never had
But all he could see was his lies needed to be laid thicker
With that my senses told me to get away much quicker
I gave him endless possibilities, gave him all I had
But he stole from me..but that my dear is always a
Gold miners daughter found herself a river man.
Unselfish he seemed to be. Very kind hands
She was taken by his hands, so unique
Printed like cow skin you see.
His colors erode with the sun
He is always outside by the river banks, roaming alone
Always outside all alone, walking with no place to call home
They met one day and he had stories galore
About fancy cars and bank accounts and more!
She told him money did not matter, not anymore
JUST BE HONEST WITH ME..she pleaded with him
That is all I require..is that you not be a liar
Tell me lies NEVERMORE
She took a chance on a liar and now she sits too close to the fire
She casts a spell upon his head..
Lie to me and puke, steal from me and your dead....
THIS IS DAY # 3 OF PUKING
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????
Your lies will be your undoing and it has begun...
RETURN what is mine or you will DIE
SACRED seals of protection rule over this homestead
YOU made the mistake of stealing from me...
It comes back to you according to rules times 3
I know you think your fooling me
That I believe your stories and tales
But I am wise to what is real
And your tales are the size of a whale
I know kung fool
You are not fooling me~
I know you could play me
But the truth is I am wise and may be playing you~
As I know kung foolery
I will keep playing with you
But remember one thing
I am the Kung FOOL Queen
And I am very on top of this scene
Oh How I miss my Dickins
That man with muscles and soft skin
The constant touching and kissing
He slaps me, I slap him
No fussing..give in
"STOP IT" He whimpers softly
I respond with "GET OFF ME"
He grabs my ankles and holds them tight
We only pretend to fight
All in effort to more deeply unite
Remembering how we are together...
I sure do miss my Dickins tonight
A month ago I ran away
I left my life suddenly in ONE day
I took 7 hours to pack boxes and truck
I set off for a new state
Wish me luck
A month ago I ran away
The next day I told you I could not stay
That I needed to live my life a new way
I filed for divorce the very next day
Please no contest
Lets make a pack with love still in tact
Part with intentions to be friends
Have each others backs
A month ago I left you my husband...
And a day ago you became my ex
It happened so fast
How can we relax?
I thought there would be more time to process
Feelings I do not lack
It is sad all this-
But there is no going back..to..
a month ago when I ran away
A day ago when I was still your wife...
It is time to go on and life my life
With you by my side as my friend for the rest of my life
I await you
Days away you are
Stops me not from diving stronger still in wanting
With will wishing and whispering to the trees and begging them please
to bring you back to me nature boy.
You walk away with a back full of gear
But I saw your tears..
It has only been hours but feels like years
Come back to me nature boy
You have days of travel on your feet
Trouble is everywhere in your path until next we meet
All I want is you safe at home, come home to me nature boy
Tonight you are out under the stars with so little
My bed very lush feels so empty and plain
It is so empty without you sharing it with me
Come home nature boy and sleep with me again
With WILL wishing and whispering to the trees around you...
keep you safe til you are back with me..
Come back to me nature boy
Desire has turned to need
A need I must feed
This wanting you back in my arms
My desire hurts
The waiting, the wanting
The visions of laughter in bed
The kisses upon my head and the way you say my name
I sigh and wish for time to play more games
Come this morning it is time for serious again
You must leave me for five days once more
You left hours ago yet I watch my door
Waiting for you long before...you will not be here for days
My desire hurts..as I watch and wait once more
I am no longer your wife
This morning the courts cut that bond with a pen
Felt like a knife
Severed are we as one no more
I no longer have the keys to the front door
The house is for sale
I am very sorry
I loved you like mad
But your madness was your calling
I lost you in 1983
We tried..we failed again
I am sorry
Love you forever
We will always be friends
Now your my ex once again
I always have
Talked it out on the screen
Let my feelings fly without someone being mean
Expressing myself without a doubt or hesitation
Through expression I get confessions I did not expect to come out~
I tell it to the screen..silently..OR I SHOUT
I always have
Talked to it out on the screen
Now I slightly panic with self realization
Of how things will change with you around
Someone who listens..something profound
Will I still tell it to a screen or will I tell you first
Such a realization i could almost burst~
I grab my girly parts and scream it is going to be a dizzy day!
This man is driving me crazy in every way
Sigh, giggle laugh get dizzy it is ok
I am going to...
Give this man the time of day
He is coming at me strong hard and extreme
And I know what he means!
Chad likes extremes
And he is finding ways to make me dizzy
It is going to be a dizzy day ; )
Iron man body, mind of Zen
How the hell can I resist that kind of man?
I can't resist
It is going to be a dizzy day
55 miles an hour they drive past us
Deer jump up and out and are now dead
Cross each road with cation animals
I say in my head
I may live in the valley of peace
But we get here on the highway of death
The fast paced world runs beside nature
We collide sometimes, life and death
Meet on the road leading to the valley of all that is sweet
Not all of us make it to the lands away from highway of death
We forget to turn off or take a left
If you do not seek the valley of peace
You are simply stuck on the highway of death
Lost many things in desire
Burned many memories in the fires
But to lose my voice expressing my desire
Communication on Fire, in tune~
Itchy throat with much to say
Let my words and intentions not stray
I shall keep shouting my desires to the heavens
Vocalizing all my passions and dreams
Making them real..I've lost my voice
Speaking my choice
Destination I do not lack....
But please give me my voice back ; )
I cant talk or sing..laughing I have been expressing myself LOTS
I never thought there could be enough
In fact there can be too ******* much
So much the smell in the air makes one lose touch
The sense of nappiness hits us like country road dust
Lay down if you must
We understand the smell is strong enough for a bust
but it is legal here so no fuss
**** overkill..what happen to the mega thrill?
Maybe I smoked too much and simply oh so chilled
The stink of **** is always in the air
Inhale it if you dare..
I never thought I would say this but..there is just too much ****
The smell is making me feel sick..
I never made so much butter quick
I get all dizzy and nauseous?
But this is my favorite thing..now its all work and not a casual fling
When I smoke now I am cautious
I say man..there is just too much **** ; )
I thought I would never leave
I fought so hard to return
I found it not to be the lovely life I dreamed
I still find the surroundings sweet
I miss my Idaho
I swear he flirts back with me
More than anyone ever has
But does he like me like that?
I do not know, I am such a spaz
How do I know if he LIKES ME likes me?
I am in trouble because he excites me
I hope he LIKES ME likes me
Pangs of excitement grow
He is on his way here
Take it slow, I know
Pangs..for what is to come
Practically voiceless from laughter
I know I will smile, laugh and breath fast
This butterfly has butterflies at last~
Never laughed so much I lost my voice before
Start with a fifty inch screen
Make it smart
Hook up the blue ray baby
Now plug in the BOSE SOLO lady!
7 seat sectional
Comforts seat for all I meet
or just to nap, stick up my feet
Have a loaded bar with drinks on call
It is legal here, so load the ****
And enjoy the new single life
All summer long~
I love the new washer and drier too ; )
Now the insurance payments are all mine
Now I know why he was ******* all the time
Money flies out the drawer
The bank gets charges galore
House deposits sky high
House up for sale in divorce
I want to cry
Someone else gets my stone bench
Someone else my grapes will quench
Bye Bye house I loved
Now I pay deposits on someone else s broken dream
All the money going out makes me want to scream
Living a life of freedom is far from free
But my reasons for leaving would indeed
Still make me flee
Margarita salt on the counter tops
Ice on the floor
Laughter fills the air
Karen has a new dance floor
I like this new life
Toast to the new flow