10 things I love about myself
1.My unending desire to express myself. I think self expression is key to sanity.
2.Related to 1, is my creativity as an artist. If we instilled the driving force of healthy self expression we would not have near the amount of violence, war, crime, psychotics, drug use etc that we do in society. As a whole the world seems to strive to stuff or hide feelings, I think that is harmful and denial of true self, or of wholeness. On a personal level this saves my very life.
3. My ability to use all negative,bad, traumatizing experiences as a tool of/as Understanding of Universal Human suffering. We are given experiences to understand our fellow man, I do my best to do so with my own experiences.
4. My Compassion, , nuff said
5. Eating my fears for breakfast..or trying to! Facing my fears, and challenging my fears..self quests.
6. Beginners Mindset, I am so very thankful I break for butterflies and pull over for cloud crossings, I near tear with joy at wet rainy sidewalks and the glow of stop lights on wet pavement, may I always honor this special aspect of who I am~ I see the world in a way I wish never to lose, only to expand.
7. Learning to honor my body~ Gaining self respect through self care! I love myself enough to care for myself now, far more than I ever did before!
8. Acceptance that all aspects of myself are pure. My self expression is not ****, and as I see it, I am simply unafraid to be me! My expression is pure! I shall accept no shame about it.
9. My ability to accept change with a laugh. I do not stress, stress just adds stress on top of other stuff that needs to be dealt with, it is a distraction!! laugh, move forward and know everything will work itself out..it always does! My inner joy keeps me young.
10.My Energy-Body Consciousness, my ability to sense, to direct energy, to honor the tools that God gave everyone ; )

"Hop on top of me"
"I would get no pleasure from that"
"Well it is a good thing my tongue is not cut off then"
**"If you tongue was cut off we would have so many less problems between us but I would also lose the only thing I enjoy about you"

I, swinging high into the sky
On the swing set at the park
I have to twist and spin
I must swing and sway and play all day
Love the feeling of the wind past my ears
My hair blowing in the breeze
I love to play even with skinned knees
"You should roller skate." He said
I looked at him like I did not have a clue
"I used to love skating, what fun!"
And so I asked why he thought I should skate
and he said with a smile
"That is what little girls do!"

Think- wow that was awesome
Feel- I feel so good
Think- I hope he ...
Feel-worthlessness
Think- he probably thinks I am too much
Feel-not good enough
Think-why I am never good enough
Feel-hurt and alone - rejected
Think- I am being rejected
Think- we were so good together
Feel- why would I feel alone worthless and hurt after such a great experience?
FEEL- what I experienced was awesome.  I loved every moment of it, every sound every feel and every move, every look.

I feel that what I think ends up messing up what I feel.
I think perhaps I should just let feelings sit without trying to categorize them too fast.
Every morning I wake up with a bunch of feelings, a lot of thoughts and I try to work them out through written word/poetry.  Most of the time I have no idea what I am going to write about.  I simply open a NEW POEM window and start expressing how I feel, what I think.
This morning I want to separate the two.  Because what I feel has little to do with what I think- I-We make it over complicated.  What I feel gets muddied up by what I think.  What I feel without thinking is pure-PURE and good.  I only taint it by adding thoughts-ATTACHMENTS- to my experience.  My experience and feelings were perfect before I started adding "crap" to it/them.
I find this to be MY TRUTH.
Thoughts bring expectations, doubts, and negativity.  It clouds what was real with a bunch of ****!
I am going to remember ALL OF IT without expectations, doubts and n TRIPPIN because I am keeping my thoughts out of it.
I think* I THINK* (too much) I think we over think stuff and **** it up.  Some things should just be left as experiences without putting all that thinking on top of it to TAKE AWAY the feelings.  YES THINKING COVERS YOUR FEELINGS FOOL!  But you knew that didn't you?

I sway with the moods as they come
Leaving no songs internally left unsung
Because I understand the cords that are strung
Leave me withered until I hum
Letting out all that has hung
On hooks and snares and internal hairs
Wash it away with a few songs hummed
No matter what comes we will hum it out
Sing and shout til all the ills spill out
Leaving me light as a cloud floating through the skies
Nothing holding it back, it floats, it flies
Moods are not binding hurting ties
Although they do sometimes tell you lies
Moods are things that help you sculpt
Old feelings new feelings into a new mold
Pay attention and lessons will unfold
If you let your moods simply roll
So roll with it ; )

She is 13 today.  She expected to be loved and celebrated.
Instead she walks the windy streets in a stolen white dress.
There are no caring parents.  
Father in prison for attempted ****** of her mother.  
All witnessed by her little brother.  Her father was also a ****** sadist who cut her up and made her a mess from age 3 on up.(.right here i will confess.)  
Her mother forgave her father but blamed her.  Her mother still blames her forever more for her lack of pureness.  
Despite naming her daughter the word for PURE.
The girl in the long white stolen dress walks alone.  
There is no place to go to, no home.  
She has been on the streets now for two years.
Living on roof tops, cleaning bars after hours for recycling cans of half drank beers.  
She stays at parties way more serious than her years because she has no where else to sleep.  
That gets her in a lot more trouble than the streets.  
Her hurt and pain factor grow as the seasons change she knows..soon..they will catch her and away she will go.
Until then she walks the streets in a stolen white dress.  
She wanted to look pretty just in case her mother wanted to spend some time with her, give her some love and confess..she was wrong to blame the little girl who just witnessed and felt the entire mess.
She took the brunt of his illness, of hers too.
Those parents where a special brew


To this day that girl walks the streets to try and find her way
with flashbacks of the white stolen dress..and an empty heart
with no where to bless

I have no shock value
Nothing to dance behind
My sleeves hold no new tricks
What am I going to do!
This is a new treat
With no tricks
I am baffled, stunned
by the wonder of you
I have nothing to hide behind
I do not know what to do!
So I laugh, invite you in
We have some fat to chew
Come here, just come here
so we can smile for a few
I will stop running
You will stop running
and WE can relax
just us two
; )
cause obviously I am nothing shocking
oh but you..yes you are..more shock factor than a vintage car ; )