I am very sorry if you hate me.
I am very sorry if you don't like my poetry.
I am very sorry for me being me.
I will change if you ask politely.
I am just a fleshy little puppet.
Just tell me to shut up.
Take your hate out on my guts.

I stand so proud and tall.
With my nose pressed against the wall.
I know I was naughty, is this why your punishing me?
pssng my pants, you make me get on my knees.
Naughty Boy! Naughty Boy you shout.
After your done smelling that, I am washing your mouth out!
My nose sore from being punished by you.
What next? What now are you going to do?
the bar of soap inserts my mouth all the way to my throat.
I wont be naughty anymore than my privates were groped.
I know I looked in your ***** drawer today.
Now I am going to really pay.
Trying them on I know there for you.
I guess this naughty boy had no clue.
Putting them on my head and shoving them in my mouth.
Still at the same time washing my mouth out.
Waiting for you to come back today.
I am not scared Iv’e been naughty in every way.
No please I am not hungry, don’t make me eat the vegetables.
I sit and pout at the kitchen table.
forcing them into my mouth and making me swallow.
You lead on a leash and I am forced to follow.
I am your pet, your naughty little slave.
And it’s almost time to play.
But we both know what comes first.
The cutting of my arms to satisfy your thirst.

Dress me up Im all about glamour.
Take these nuts and bust them with a hammer.
Time to go to the bathroom and powder my nose.
Fixing my skirt and fishnet pantyhose.
I don't want to be me, I want to be a girl.
Skinny I need to be, belimac watch me hurl.
God I love this **** silky bra.
In everyones eyes a man they saw.
But underneath the clothes and skin.
Waits a happy little girl waiting to begin.
Her happy little life in gogo boots and mini skirts.
I think about the **** sl*t in me and it hurts.
No money for an operation, so I'll just cut it off.
No more turn your head and cough.
One day by all I will be seen.
As the inner me transforms into a beauty queen

I feel like a shadow, for I can only be seen with light.
I am losing focus of whats wrong and right.
I feel like I am losing my self worth everyday.
Falling behind on love and care and the bills to be paid.
Drinking myself quietly to sleep.
Forgetting about what secrets I should keep.
Waking to another agonizing day of light and sound.
In the bottom of the bottle I wish to drown.
back to sleep forgetting about this day.
So depressed I forgot to pray.
The past is catching up all my kids have grown.
Slowly slipping away into the unknown.
One day I was going to make that positive change.
Starring into the grey skies of falling rain.
But than I realized it was to late.
No chance left to make things right it all went away.
Lonely and sober and no one to love.
Wishing I would have given more kisses and hugs.

The words came out faster than I thought.
Than mother and I argued and fought.
It should not happened this way.
I will never forget my cleansing that day.
In and out repeat and rinse.
Never again have swore since.

I am looking into the mirror at a madman.
Fist to chest and face as fast as I can.
I was only born and forced to be a man.
It is time to reveal what is in this minds eye.
It's either you or me but one of us are going to die.
The anger builds as I isolate my self to cry.
The words the slaps they all transform this.
Now finding that my old self doesn't exist.
And there is nothing now that I will ever miss.

I don't know how I should feel today
My mind slowly drifts away
I feel lonely, lost, with no dedication
And again I am told to take more medication
Is this life what I really want to live?
I have nothing more I could possibly give
To many mistakes leads to a miserable life
Now once again flirting with this knife
I feel worthless, *****, stupid, and dumb
The depression leaves so much pain, yet numb
Suicide is the most thought of everyday
So suicidal I forget to pray
I wish someone would come and save me
With more haste than delay.
Because today I think I'm falling apart.
I'm killing myself with all of my heart.
If it means anything to you who reads.
In the end we all together bleed.
I was sick of hurting and trying.
The relief sets in knowing I am dying.

A psychedelic race has began.
Feeling this is so grand.
Walk with me hand in hand.
Show me how much you care.
Take this mushroom if you dare.
Your vision and feelings will impair.
Come walk with me into another world.
Let everything uncurl.
This summer breeze makes me feel alright.
So peaceful and non uptight.
Everything is fabulous and bright.
Come with me tonight.

Im so empty, not much left to love.
I shake my head riding of.
Oh I don't want to live this life.
Slice... with the knife.
Coral reefs and other pretty things.
Angel's with harps begin to sing.
Oh these things were destroyed.
Stab... This life I try to void.
Running coverd in honey falling to my knees.
Spoiled meat, feeling the stings of the bees.
Please... Oh God help me please.
Come and set me free.
Troubled, sad, lost, confused.
I am never happy and never amused.
This life was not for me.
Dialated pupils, sunglasses, I cannot see.
We are all made of static and tv.
Now I have lost my envy.
This life was not for me.
This life was not for me

Bashful demons shaking my insides.
I got something that dose not hide.
So come in and watch my show.
And cover me in snow. cover me in snow.
Watch as I make the time begin to slow.
I will make the greed and envy flow.
I got something you could never touch.
Never to little, Never to much.
I am something that is never to be.
Something you thought you would never see.
Now the story is written and I come fourth.
Forked tongue, and flames to scorch.
Demonic fairytales in your room of curruption
Pushing fourth the ultimate of destruction.
I am the one who will create all.
And I am the one who will laugh when you fall
If you are not perfect than turn away.
You can **** yourself now there is no new day
I am the one who poisoned you. I am your God

Plastic eyeballs, wood fingers, strings to pull.
Never ate, But I'm always still full.
Tossed in the corner left unattended.
Feeling so sad and threatened.
Colored on, made fun of, treated like crap.
Feeling the insert of nails and wooden bones snap.
Once a favorite but now nothing at all.
The strings are cut and I begin to fall.
Carved with a smile, I cannot frown.
One forced emotion, always smiling like a clown.
Behind this creativity of man made joy.
I am something special, much more than a toy.

Bashful sins keep you away.
Greedy thoughts cause you to decay.
Gasping in the air of the imagery bull.
Your body so overwhelmed and getting cold.
Traces and images roam your mind.
Careless neglect and fear is all you'l find.
For heavens pride has been laid to rest.
Sitting all alone with the red eyes gazing into you.
Felling sad, frightened and perhaps a bit blue.
Knowing when you took the devils hand.
That you have betrayed the heavens and holy land.
Now waiting for him to take you away.
God would not have wated it this way

As cold as the air might have seemed.
No matter how many nights you have screamed.
Nothing comes and nothing goes.
In your world nothing heals nothing grows.
A field of mass frustration in your mind.
What exactly are you trying to find?
The angels whimper and the devil laughs.
Watching your mind fall apart and crash.
You seem to me that you want something great.
But in your mind it is I you sedate.
You wanted the world and you could of had it.
Laying in your own ***** and spit.
You seem to be going insane.
Was it me that made you lose your brain?
As hot as this blood may feel.
It is cold as ice sitting on steel.
You ran and cannot be found.
So quiet not even a sound.
You torment your self today.
As we watch you fade away.

Too much stress i feel depressed
my lifes so fast its blurring past
Hells an eternity so big and bold,
my world possessions i wish i'd sold
I dont need them here or anywhere
its not like anyones gonna care
To Hell with you I'll pull myself through
I've been here before, at deaths door
Dont cry for me when i'm gone, just sell my house and burn my lawn
She said the flowers didnt die... they sat there idle and made her cry
Dont say goodbye, its too late
so shut the door and lock the gate
leave me here in my room today
hello to hell is all i'll say

Strangers stay away.
Anxiety stirs another day.
I don't know you.
What are you going to do?
Hurt me, **** me?
Take away my family?
Strangers stay away.
Allow me to live another day.

I sit alone, forcing myself in solitude
Fearing my anger and demolition of an attitude
Struggling with suicide and homicide thoughts alike
Living this nightmare, never knowing when I may strike

I pray for life, I pray for death
Mental shutdowns leaving one big mess
A struggle, A nightmare, no relief in sight
Closing the shades to the moon, it s to bright

The crazy thoughts come and go
Suicide watchman loses his way on patrol
Writing, striking, knocking on deaths door
Instead of me it s the few that I love and adore

Clenching teeth until they break
I m still paying for those fckd up mistakes
Still horrified at self actions and emotional pain
Knowing my loved ones ignore the signs of me being insane

But than again maybe I hide it all to well
A rotting empty self hiding in a happy little shell
Sometimes my true colors bleed through and show
Spreading my pain and emptiness for all to know

Sometimes it pushes some even farther away
And really truly, to me that s ok
I never needed the company of them or you
I will puzzle the pieces of my mental illness through and through

Once this nightmare is over and done
Another will arrive with the setting of the sun

Foundation of the family blood ties.
Have lost it all in the house of lies.
The demon holds the hellish crest.
As, daddy feels the daughters breast.
Kiss of warmth soon turns cold.
As daddy begins to take the hold.
Muffled with silence, shattered by fears.
The daughter reveals her crystal clear tears.
As daddy stares into her eyes.
He feels her pain as the daughter sleeps in.
As daddy wears the sinister grin.

Cursing and swearing just got me in trouble.
Sitting there on the toilet blowing bubbles.
Yeah I never really learned from soap.
Until one day I lost all my glee and hope.
My mother was being rude to my sis.
I swear I'll never forget this.
She was trying to force feed her *** roast.
But Lacey dislikes meat at the very most.
So I yelled at my mom calling her a bad name.
After that things just weren't the same.
All I remember of that tragic day.
Was being pinned to the floor to pay.
A bar of Ivory was shoved in and out.
I could here my sister cry and shout.
Mom told me to start chewing it all up.
Well that's what happened sure enough.
I was gagging I felt so dead.
What was going through my moms head?
Abuse!

Its a beautiful day and Im with you.
Shamless regrets are forgotten to.
I see you smile and laugh.
I put behind me the misserble past.
You make me feel so wonderful tonight,
I know being held in your arms Im alright.
The nights may be slighty colder.
And the seasons might get older.
But when we sit it seems time stands still.
The love the passion the care the thrill.
Im falling in love this season.
And for all the right reasons.
A true beauty and a beautiful day.
Nothing will ever get in our way.
Friends for now lovers next fall.
Theres nothing more to write thats all

Today I am offered another chance.
Drifting far away from the devils dance.
I take a silent sudle glance.
I see the flowers grow with delight.
The days and nights are always bright.
I have no more reasons to fight.
Looking into the crystals eve.
Yes I certainly do indeed believe.
The blood has left my white sleeve.
Today I have found the new inner me.
Something has found me and set me free.
Today I am no longer blind I can see.
Thank you to the one who has saved me today.
There were so many darker days.
But now it is so easy to say.
That I do truly love you.
Everything I want to do I can do.
Finally I have found the right fitting shoe.

I am a little bit strange.
I may even be a bit insane.
But somethings keeps me going inside.
Something makes me wish I wouldn't of died.
I am a little bit far from reality.
Really look at me and you can see.
Now it's cold, dark almost all the time.
I wish I knew how to unwind.
I may fall short of a winner everytime.
And living was a punishment for all my crime.
I didn't think it would be sin to be born.
I didn't ask, now my life's torn.
Im crashing into waves of darkness.
It's the only thing I can possibly harness.
I know now of all my wrongs and it's to late.
I wish there was someone out there to relate.
It's ok though, I'll just sit here and fade.
Please realize I never had it made.
And no matter how much I constantly tried.
I was left alone sad and lost only to cry.

There is something that I solely created.
Wishing now I would have sedated.
A self amusement of a lying truth.
The razor blades inflict self abuse.
Trying to hold onto whatever life means.
Still awake in this nightmarish dream.
\There is something that I solely created.
Wishing now I would have debated.
Confused and dragging myself into depression.
Creating a self hated person of aggression.

Quick to anger harder to please, something lurks silently beneath.
Rusted skin like some kind of mechanical animal dying in the rain.
Only one thing to show and tell today and that is his pain.
Quiet, a mute perhaps? The final bow takes place the audience claps.
Back at home the rust is carved away with memories of displeasure.
The severity of this mans illness can not be measured.
Like in all the other poems he tattered and wrote.
So ***** nothing helps not even the harshest of soaps.
The rust falls to the floor, quick to cover his ****** scars.
Inhaling to a faint exhale gazing up into the infinite abyss of stars.
Walking back into his house with boarded windows and paper covered mirrors.
It s the only thing that silences and hides his fears.
Backstage again getting ready for his painful mechanic show.
Apply the make up just a couple of rusting wounds to sew.
Drugs to keep him going just for this one last time.
The sickness is set aside a voice in his head says all will be fine.
The entrance caused an uproar. The audience wants to see more.
The machine like puppet stripped of his clothes showing all the rust.
A self mistake of the same self hatred hate threw away all trust.
As he looks up and sees he is only the reflection in the mirror.
The changing inside became so unclear.
He finally realized he has never left his house in years.
Attacking himself in the mirror hoping to **** what he sees.
The screams of agony run, jump and flee.
A suicidal disaster nothing could save him this time.
A true inspiration, the next suicide shall be mine

I am three years old and it s ***** training time
I m so excited this whole day is going to be mine
On the toilet I try an try
I can t do it, I let out a cry
Babysitter is not mad though, she just smiles
Looking at me she says it s ok we will try in awhile
Mom comes home from a bad day at work again
As I say good-bye to my babysitting friend
Mommy sees the messy underwear in the bathroom
She picks them up, I feel a certain doom
She yells at me what is this
The poopy, pss infested ****** are clenched in her fist
Sit on the toilet now, it s time you learn
Rubbing the ****** on my face until it burned
*** now dmn it, she rubs and yells
My eyes fill with tears and my eye lids swell
I really want to learn mommy I really do
Did you go? She shouts, I m not done with you
Putting the ****** over my face and made to lay on the floor
Forced into a diaper, humiliated to the core
Left in the corner of discipline all through  the night
I hope tomorrow babysitter will help me get it right

I'm a man of love, I am a man of hate.
Bi-polar consequences with no means of escape.
Never knowing what my mentally instability my bring.
One day a common peasant, the other day an angry king.
No hope for me, I struggle just to get through the day.
Often letting go, watching myself slip further away.
Madness to happiness, happiness to tormenting pain.
I often question myself, am I really sane?
The stress of my ever changing moods leaves me blind.
And I will regret leaving my loved ones behind.
Suicide tempts me as God turns away.
Another emotional disaster is under way.
The life I live is not the choice I made.
To far gone for any medication to save.
Dreams are nightmares and nightmares are my life.
Struggling once again to make things right.
But how many of my wrongs will be forgiven?
Staying quiet, keeping my emotional fears hidden.
A laugh is never a burden, my happiness has just gone away.
Self tormented and I can only make others pay.
I know deep down inside there's a happiness to be set free.
But how much more can I drive with my tank on empty?
A compliment or positive gesture is often discarded.
As my sadness and emptiness remain unguarded.
This is the end as the shadows of my mind draw near.
Everything in my life still remains murky and unclear.
Bleeding myself to death I never thought it would go this far.
Fading away only to say good-bye with one final scar.
I really loved you all and I am sorry I failed to repent.
From hell my love letters shall be sent.

As the summer turns cold.
The life in me is getting old.
And another story shall be told.
Fallen like angels with disease.
Soon the the summer will freeze.
Hold on summer, just one more day please.
I feel death brush over us like a sad decay.
And it's sad knowing this is my final day.
So get the hell out of my way.
Because I wont let this cold summer get me down.
This suicidal smile is my killing frown.
I am king of this where's my crown?
Summer of death, summer of deceased.
My anger and sadness slowly increase.
Come and rid of this horrible disease.

My depression is greater than ever.
These sad lonely wrist I will sever.
I'm turning into someone I don't want to be.
everyone complains but no one is helping me.
I'm to gone and locked deep into myself.
Often wondering about this mental health.
I am not stable I am lost and sad.
I'm at the point, I have given all I had.
So if your not going to be here for me.
Than there's no time to wait and see.
Because I'm dying and I have no time left.
Before I finally lay to rest.
I often wondered if you cared.
Because those feelings were not shared.
It's not only you that I have died.
It's not only you that made me cry.
It was life it self, that's for sure.
Now everything is sad and hateful blur.
I'm sorry that I left you all and died.
This grieving process drove me to suicide.

Something preys on the souls of the ******.
It marches fourth this sickness at hand.
When your born its to late your gonna die.
As they throw flowers on your grave to cry.
Its hateful world we try to love.
But it all ends once push comes to shove.
We all had wishes, sometimes they came true.
But it's the devils work painted in a blue.
I know you don't belive what I say.
So go ahead pray for a better day.
It will only come for some.
The ones that killed themselves young.

I hear myself cry in mental pain.
The struggle with life and death only gains.
And inside my flooding head it still rains.
Release me from this rusting clasping chains.
There must be some kind of promising change.
I'm so numb and stupid I don't know my name.
My head is changing, it never stays the same.
Here I am in control of the wrecking train.
Who's to blame, who's to blame?
I swallowed it, I swallowed it all today.
It was the toughest to ever come my way.
feeling memories sadly fade away.
It was so hard living day by day.
I lived forever and watched all decay.
And it comes the last days of May.
Speechless with just one last thing to say.
Maybe your world wasn't made for me to hide.
Once again I have committed myself to suicide.

To whom this may concern.
Empty shadows never burn.
Complex life leading to suicide.
The pale horse we will ride.
Trapped in life never in death.
Blood flows silently as the body lays at rest.
Haunt me, haunt me if you can.
If you can find this soul plundered in the sands.
Rest now no need to cry.
In the end we all die.
Slit wrists shaking welcoming hands.
Strolling with a smile to the funeral bands.
I don't mean to depress you dear.
You will be most happy when your here.
Its like sweet honey and rosemary tea.
When your in your in says the bee.
The sting is the final shock.
Resting dry bones on the ancient rock.
Forbidden too see.
That was once me.
Death has its price to all who love you.
But personally its the best thing to do.
Weep now get it all out.
Quiet whispers wanting to shout.
Let the fear and anger fall fast away.
Living on hurts day by day.
Take my pale cold hand warm me with your touch.
Crippling alone, together we can crutch.
So many years away and I never loved you so much.

I stare into the emptiness of the lost sky
Confused, mentally damanged, still I cry
Life is torn like feathers from a bird
And all of the worlds whispers were heard
Im not so much blinded by the light as I die
It's more of the burning that I tried
But in the end I ultimately failed
And so I stare as the stars began to sail
The sky is thicker now, a little bit alive
But I know that it was to late for good-byes
The words drill in my head forcing me to see
All the sinful things that dwelled inside me
I lost all feeling and I am collapsing inside
And once your walls collapse you cannot hide
The sky is complete stars, planets, and light
I knew at that very moment I wouldent live through the night
Now the whispers and secrets are gone too
Only to wake with the devil and you

I feel alone in a world with so many friends.
Falling fast behind on all the new trends.
Like a worn out work horse. being laid to rest.
My heart was icy cold. behind this warmed chest.
I often wonder how I survived so long.
Pretending to be happy when all was wrong.
I was supposed to die three long years ago.
But I need final closure and wanted you to know.
I was never sad or mad because of you.
You turned things red when they were a saddened blue.
I disappeared like shadow in the night.
I fought through the hate one more time to the light
I wanted you to know just how much you meant.
Even when things unraveled and my mind was bent.
To you who made me feel at ease.
But now I must say goodbye to ride of this disease.
Its not your fault you were always there for me.
Take these words as a gift my final poetry.
Live long, happy and well Don't let them get in the way
On the other side we will meet again some gloomy day

Suicide is the worlds horror.
We cut open our wrists more and more.
The bullet lodged in his head.
Left him twitching but not dead.
Will he try again?
Or will he be saved by a friend?
That's kinda of hard when you have none.
As another bullet is placed into the gun.
Depressed and paralyzed from the waist down.
His eyes are closed not even looking around.
Swallow his pride like if had any at all.
Soon emotions will be painted on the wall.
suicide is the worlds horror.
We delay our lies more and more.
Pills, guns, love, depression it's all here.
No longer is suicide something we fear.
Because when pain gets so great.
We will do anything for the great escape.
Suicide is the worlds horror.
Would you like a little more?