I sit alone, forcing myself in solitude
Fearing my anger and demolition of an attitude
Struggling with suicide and homicide thoughts alike
Living this nightmare, never knowing when I may strike

I pray for life, I pray for death
Mental shutdowns leaving one big mess
A struggle, A nightmare, no relief in sight
Closing the shades to the moon, it s to bright

The crazy thoughts come and go
Suicide watchman loses his way on patrol
Writing, striking, knocking on deaths door
Instead of me it s the few that I love and adore

Clenching teeth until they break
I m still paying for those fckd up mistakes
Still horrified at self actions and emotional pain
Knowing my loved ones ignore the signs of me being insane

But than again maybe I hide it all to well
A rotting empty self hiding in a happy little shell
Sometimes my true colors bleed through and show
Spreading my pain and emptiness for all to know

Sometimes it pushes some even farther away
And really truly, to me that s ok
I never needed the company of them or you
I will puzzle the pieces of my mental illness through and through

Once this nightmare is over and done
Another will arrive with the setting of the sun