And some days
I don’t even want to eat
Evolutionary phenomena
Distorting my own body
Obsession with being empty
And some times
I wanna plug my nose
And have the inside of head
Cloud with deep breaths
Scratch behind my eyelids
Please
My mind is destroying me
I am desperate
I am on a life boat
In the middle of the sea
There’s isn’t that much life left in me
No one is coming to rescue me
I am alone
The same way
I have always been
Neglect hides In my teeth
My parents didn’t take care of me
My dad never said I love you  
Old cavities

I hate starting over
Because all I can do is bask in the failure

Somewhere amidst the mess
We kept ourselves afloat
We played house
We moved in
We fought
We joked
And I look back at it
The same way
You watch destruction
And flames
I see it now with an unhealthy
Fascination
And an upsetting amount of fear
You were all I had
And you were never even here

Maybe I’d be ok
If I was farther away
Or you dropped off the face of the earth
If you sunk into the ocean floor
Instead of showing up to work
If I were engraving your curls on ancient stones
Instead of asking you for my old shirts
Perhaps if I was older
Or less In love
I would have been ok
I wouldn’t have given up
My heart is a chasm
My sadness a gorge
Down down down
I miss the hurting
And to be honest
If you wanted me back
I’d probably throw myself off that cliff
I know it wouldn’t be safe to
But safety here?
Barely exists.