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ash Mar 2016
19;
in the corner of my kitchen ceiling drapes
ribbons of  "happy birthday" in bright colorful letters and light yellow balloons.
the stench of two-day old laughter remains
long after I am too busy to clean it up.
19.
two decades passing me by already?
i ask myself as i lay on another recliner
in another house in another state on another year. instability never changed.
but this year, i am another person.
19.
i want to help the trees grow; i want to sing
to the flowers and heal the animals.
i want to develop a companionship with
every stone and gem and i want my friends
to listen when i weep for mother nature.
19.
i'd like to be better by the age 20.
i want my body to stop punishing me
for the horror i've put it through all my life
and i want it to instead be able to thank me
for restoring it and loving myself entirely.
19.
people cannot be changed, but influenced.
i've been influenced by being punished
for the horror i've forced my Earth to endure.
i've seen with my own eyes how little
anyone cares, and how little i've done to teach them.
19.
this will be my age of enlightenment
and my time to retreat from pop culture
as it has affected me once before
and I am highly susceptible to illness.
it is time to fulfill my purpose as a healer
in this world
19.
  Mar 2016 ash
Chase Austin zittrauer
On the occasion that we kiss downy
silken, time diminishes
we petrify within our rapture
existance sails about
like snow in a globe, gentle
hushed

When we reduce
our eyes convene
courts of affection
and the world is unchained, free
to move again

At home within your purchase
a fox within its burrow, warm
at ease, a lovers sympathy

You give me life
I breathe.
ash Mar 2016
the street light flickered
when I thought of your smile,
rose pink lips and soft face.
the man grimaced
when I told him your name
he said I'll burn for eternity.
my lungs became empty
when I realized, my fate
and yours don't line up.

i have spent years
crying over something
i'll never have to lose in the first place.
i miss something
that was never mine.
if only I weren't cowardly..
i tell everyone about you
and sometimes I'm interrupted
by an involuntary sob.
ash Mar 2016
If I could say how I really felt
And say it straight to your face
And tell you why this hurts so much
It would never fix a thing.

The stress would be ******* the baby
And I would never want that.
Your husband may despise me
And I certainly wouldn't want that.

Love stifled by a bond
And by your own heart.
You agreed we were 'soul mates'
In a friend way.

Oh my god I've never seen
Any eyes quite as lovely.
I watch them sometimes
Trying to make sense of my woe.

Don't give me that look again please.
You are my forbidden dream.
I am but a lost puppy
And I'll believe everything you say.

My cheeks burned red
When you playfully flirted.
Never do that again please.
My chest feels so heavy compared to reason.

I dream about the old days
When I'd kiss you and
I would pretend
It didn't mean anything.

When I think about it too much
I don't sleep.
There has never, ever been
A good time to tell you.
I'm so in love with you.
I'm never going to stop,
But if it truly bothers you
I can go on pretending that I'm not.
ash Mar 2016
I promise."
it's okay. I'm easy to forget.
ash Mar 2016
My life is a fashion show,
My country's flag is a poster,
The stars are check marks off a shopping list,
And my future president wants to build a barrier to keep us in-
And keep the rest of us out.

Outside I hear a child
Calling out to the world and begging,
Screaming that he'll see change.
Swearing that if he can have a chance
He will see himself.

The television buzzes.
I am not sure what it's saying
But the colors tell me that I'm not supposed to know.
And each time I try to understand
I am to expect a slap to the wrist.

My future president has a lot of money;
I've seen pennies fly out of his mouth.
His heart is grey and his eyes glow red
But I've been taught to believe in the colors and I'm not supposed to know
What they mean.

My cats are unaware
Of any inconvenience.
Whether we change the world or not,
They'll find food in their dishes daily.
They will have a human to curl up next to.

The trees are sad today.
Earth knows it will fall victim
To this vile mess of waste and greed
Only to serve a species with no mind to realize
That we're meant to care for that which gives us life.

I've been watching reruns
Each day I have spent in this life.
Nobody wants to hear the truth.
Nobody wants to believe working together will change the world,
But hasn't the world been at war this whole time?
ash Mar 2016
**** it.
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