My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of
     universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I
     reach my hands and play with pebbles of
     destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs
     reading "Keep Off."

My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive
     in the universe.

You constantly ask if I'm alright.
As if I don't say the same thing everyday.
"I'm okay"
But, you know I'm lying..
Although you don't know deep inside I'm crying.
"I love him so much"
Love him so much as I feel my blood rush.
You ask me if I'm okay..
Unable to mention being under the influence.
Being under him...
Friends I lose them...
Blacked out memories from that night.
I reach out to my lover..
Only to fight.
This isn't right.
"I'm not alright..."
Please stop asking me before I break.
Please your daughter's life is at stake.
Possibly a victim for a second time.
Yet, accusations are carved into her head.
She is always at fault for something she didn't do.
I didn't give anything to him.
He took away my choice.
I speak as loud as I can to get you to understand, yet, somehow you can't hear my voice.
Explaining why your opinion is a "fact"
Firm hands around my neck tightening their grip as I give my opinion back.

Why are Sleep and I no longer friends?

We used to spend so much time together, used to be so close, wasting hours in idle chatter about meaningless and skewed ideas and figments of our imaginations.

But now, when I come knocking at her door, there is no response. It's like she's ****** at me, for reasons I can't understand. But it's not unlike her to leave me alone to the tortures of my Mind when I need her most.

While I lay and wait to hear from Sleep, Mind weasels his way into my conciousness, sitting down and pretending to feel sorry for the thoughts he has created within me.

And that's where it all starts.

Example; last night.

Remember? Hannah, do you remember?

Do you remember when you had it all within your grasp and you said NO to spare someone else's feelings...but didn't spare your own?

Do you recall the two hours of waiting between words that would make the suicidal feelings within me rise from a puddle to a tsunami?

Do you recollect the pulse that assaulted your eardrums as you tried to block me out, but couldn't?

Do you?

He taunts me thus until an ungodly hour until he finally allows Sleep to enter, and I am too tired to socialize with her.*

Someone, please tell me why.

Why does my mind hate me, why do I shake more than smile, why do I cry more than laugh...

And why can't I ever get it right? Why do I always hurt everyone I know? Why can't I make myself as happy as I wish I could by making others?

And God, why can't I have just one little sliver of happiness? For just an hour? A minute? A nanosecond?

How little do I deserve?

[2:05a.m.]

reality hits you. no, it kisses you a good night. but you can not forget it.

it can not leave your head-- the way he held your hand, or rather the way you grasped onto his;

the way you tried to speak but panicked, or rather the way your mind figured out a thousand ways to freeze that moment in time;

the way he looked at you, or rather, the way his look was just like any other look he gave to the previous and to the next.

it was inevitable. you knew this day would come. you would thank him with no words but just that grasp on his hand, that he made you realize that you have learned to love and can love a person this much. you know you will continue to love him, but not in the same way, and he definitely won't be the person you will love as much as right now.

and the time has finally concluded: he isn't the one for you.