my body and thoughts are split into half right in the middle
there is a parallel cut right through my heart, splitting me into two
there is a part of me that wants to survive to see tomorrow,
and then a part of me that is so tired and just needs it to end; now
there is a part of me that wants to prove that recovery is possible,
and then a part of me that says maybe you won't be the one to prove it
there is a part of me that wants to write, and keep writing
and then a part of me that just wants to sleep and never wake up
there is a part of me that wants to get married, have kids and be happy
and then a part of me that says i would slit my wrists and my kids would be traumatized for life
there is a part of me that tries to convince me that tomorrow will be better
but how many times do you have to tell yourself that tomorrow will be better - before tomorrow is actually better?
i am two halves that contemplate between life and death,
and i am not sure i will ever be whole and choose only life;
make this stop.
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