When you were little, they would always ask you who your best friend is. But I simply couldn't choose. And they'd always get mad.
And now I'm thinking about it, it's just like choosing between wearing your left or right shoe. You need them both to walk normal and comfortable and stuff.  
I should have given that answer back then. And I wonder if they'd stop being mad.

I've got this friend,
called Depression.

Depression is always comforting me.

Depression makes me feel empty instead of sad and unhappy.

I can't feel happy or smile anymore because Depression fills me with empty feelings.

Depression makes my thoughts feel like useless words echoing through my mind.

All I want to do is lay in bed all day.

All alone.

All day feeling nothing and doing nothing.

Depression is a friend who makes me feel so alone and so useless.

But who wants a friend like that?

No one.

Therefore, depression isn't my friend anymore.

Depression is my enemy.

I want somebody to fall in love with me.
I want to fall in love with that person.
I want someone who will hold me when I cry my ugly tears.
I want someone who will show me what true happiness is and shows me bright light in my dark days.
That when were together, I don't have to feel weak.
But I don't think a person can do that.
Because who will ever love me, if I cant even love my **** self.

There was once a girl, lets call her 'Somebody'.
Somebody became a little depressed from school.
She struggled with, friends, family, school grades, basically everything.
She did not have a pretty smile, or nice eyes filled with joy.
She was all empty.
She was just there
She became quiet
She needed to see blood dripping from her wrists every night.
She needed to feel pain to fill her emptiness.
She needed to swallow pills to feel numb.
But then, one day.
There was too much blood, too many pills and too much pain.
So thats when, Somebody
turned into
Nobody.

finding beauty in the ugly things in life

seeing a forest next to old dry ground

seeing rain appear on dry windows

seeing little lights appear from the dark

hearing laughter and joy

making someone laugh

those are all such little things, they can happen everyday. If you'd only observe and enjoy those things your life could get a lot better.

You don't know what's so calming about seeing dotted lines of blood appearing on your skin while you slash it with one of your favorite blades.

And if you do, I am sorry.

It hurts that she never apoligized.
I wonder if she ever thinks about me being hurt.
I think so much about her.
But I don't know if that's good, or just
a waste of time.

And I still haven't figured it out,
yet.