We don't have much in common
That's part of what's intriguing
Mascara's running down my cheeks
My insides must be bleeding
You tell me that I'm perfect
You think that I am worth it
But you don't see the other me
The one that hides inside
Behind closed doors
Under floorboards
It lingers there like flies
And yeah I may get guys
But they all tell me lies
And honestly I'm probably better off that way
Because I'm really just a ****** up girl
with a different reality
But you're just as ****** up as me
I love you unconditionally
So please stay
even if you're not happy
One day
You'll make it, you'll have it.

When I look in the mirror
I lay my eyes on a terrible sight
An image so horrendous
It brings tears to my eyes

They all say "Honey, You're Beautiful!"
To which I pretend to agree
They all say "Please don't listen to anyone who says otherwise."
But then I ask my self,
Why would I ignore the people who are truthful?

My face is a mess
It's full of all kinds of red marks
My chest is so flat
It's almost like I'm a guy
My stomach is gross
I'm not skinny like those other girls
My thighs repulse me
They're full of scars and are way to big

So when I look in the mirror
I say to my self
"Why can't I be perfect?"
"Or even just a little bit prettier?"
I ask my self why people lie to me
They give me compliments
That are obvious lies

My boyfriend say "Babe you're perfect!"
To which I reply "Haha sure thanks"
He thinks I'm just modest
But if only he saw what I see
He would be repulsed
He'd flee the scene

My best friend
She says "I wish I was as pretty as you."
Until then I never understood
I guess friendships really are built on lies

The number that I see on the scale
Is much too high for me to bare
The size of my pants
Is much too big for me to handle
The size of my bra
Is much to small for me to feel proud

So off I go
Look up new dieting fads
Promising my self I'll make my self better
But as I know
I'll soon stop trying
And begin the cycle anew
But for now I'll try
Just skip a couple more meals
Maybe this time I can do it

Be perfect in my eyes...
Not disgusting.

The shadows
They follow me
Trapped in my own coffin
Of what others call my mind
I do see the light of day
Yet I choose to ignore it
I see the people around me
But I still stay where I am
I get moments of hope
When I feel like I'm strong once again
But then you disappear
And my pillars of strength come tumbling down
I feel so weak
And so worthless
I wonder if I'm good enough
I wonder if you'll say
I wonder if fear will win again
I wonder if you think of me the same
I wonder if you can handle my life
I wonder if you will truly love me
Or will you just leave like the others?

I could write a poem about flowers & sunshine,
But there is this boy & I know that he's all mine.

His smile my world,
It makes me a very happy girl.

He lets me be me,
Since there's no other way I'd rather be.

He makes my heart race,
At an irregular pace.

He makes my heart skip a beat,
And when I'm around him I can't help but feel complete.

Sinking back in my hole...
Living a life of regret
Those thoughts rushing back...
Losing my identity
Who am I?
Why am I still here?
What keeps me breathing?
When will I break?
Where do I go?
All these thoughts ring in my head
But why?
I didn't do anything
So why do I still suffer?
Then it all comes back to me
Well of course
This...
This is my beautiful suicide