I die to be unpacked!
So eager to be taken somewhere to be recreated differently!
Don't want that!
Resenting all my feelings!
My emotions!
Heart!
Butterfly in stomach!
Welling to be taken away freely without regret!
Loneliness is my fear!

One of Questions drives the heart crazy!
One of Questions irritates the manhood around!
One of testing grounds that are not taken/visited!
How radical I am in such approach!
Testing untouched grounds?!
Grounds that might questioning Authenticity?! Questioning my existence in other’s eyes!! Questioning unspoken values!!
“Nauseous” feelings as if the whole thing is running from everything…
Unease breathes blocking blood in veins, bringing heat into those veins to explode in anger and despair.
Bringing the devil out
Bringing the suppressed pain and lost to surface!
Bringing the missing to a place I’m keeping away!

“What Am I afraid of?”!!!!
A concealed question asked inside my chest and feelings….
Its painful ache inside my stomach spreading throwing the cold of freezing winter all over my body…
Feeling the shivering heart out of being scared of his messy life…
Accelerating heart beats, as if heading to death… Heading to stop somewhere in the middle of chaos of being deserted with emotions and unknown world I’ve created…
When I started to be the “Blind Man”, and be the “Curious Being” about people and things around me….
When I started to see colors in every spot falls under my eyes….
When I started touching emotions were strange to me?
Ghosts started visiting me, with sarcastic smile on their faces giving me message that I don’t have scape or shelter from the “Lost” state I’m living in…
No Matter what I’ll do, I’ll be in that prison with no breath out!!!
I wish those ghosts were of flesh and blood…
Wish they dared show me themselves…
Wish they fought me!!!

Leaving my solitary wandering in a world unknown to me…
Leaving my castle, and keeping my secrets locked there…
Leaving my shelter and shielding my soul with thousands of armors…
Leaving my serenity, looking to what is missing back there…

All those years…
I thought I was right!
All Those years..
I felt I was in peace!
All those years…
I sensed I was wise!

But

After All those years, I realized I was Alone!
After being the prince of that castle for all those years, I found that love was not in every corner of that palace!



Loneliness became my companion in that drifting!
Mystery was the scarf wrapping my whole being!
Fear was the pain endured in the wilderness!
It is a journey of an old spirit that didn’t rest!

I passed by a garden not covered by my sight…
I smelled every smell was not known to me…
I saw the blossom of each flower…
I touched every leaves and stems in secret…

Bunches of roses called secretly… Invited me unintentionally to rest…to live…to love.

All those years wiped out…
All those years became meaningless…
I’ve been fulfilled, transformed roughly with them, unable to leave…
The eager is to stay, but the love I met took me to places where I found something beyond the boundaries of human!!

Stranger in the wilderness surrounded with their aroma!
The bless is there touching deeply and leaving you with everlasting scar that won’t cure

From heaven I fell....
With smile I was looking to heaven not worrying where I'm landing!....
Fear was not my concern!....
Heart never stopped from beating....
Feeling the cold breath on back like sleeping on feather bed....
Seeing the light ahead comfort the spirit within!....
Listening to sphere whistling for me!...
Calling unheard name!
Reading lips, scares heart and the name was
                             Fallen

Her Smile…
Her Skin…
Her Hair..
Her Gazed eyes…
In Bottom Line, I missed her…
If I said “ I’ve tried to forget her”, that means she is in my breath..
If I said “ I failed to remove her from my memories, that means she is in my blood”…
“Do you feel this healthy for you and serving you?”
It is an Ouch question, it is showing “Love” has different way, in different world…
I feel my sins from the dark ages are visiting me!
My heart and soul struggling to have truce with mind and body!
Mind wants to give up the nonsense
Body wants to get rest…
Heart wants to live with her!
Soul wants to marry her soul!

Keep remembering her small eyes like a shiraz cat…
keep remembering her voice flowing inside me clearing doubts…
keep recalling that look, where tears were about to fall…
keep recalling how shy she was hiding her face from me…
recalling how she looked down trying to hold her tears back..
to hold her breath…
to recall her silence
to be in the past..
to  be…
who is she
and
who she
was