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I don’t want to have to explain to my kids what the scars are on my wrist.
Will these scars stay on my skin forever and haunt me?
I need you tonight, are you here? I need a hug.
I don’t want people to stare at me, acting like I’m not a human being.
When you stare at me, I’m afraid you will see my imperfections.
I don’t want you to run away, I want you to stay please.
Don’t leave me alone to face this world.
I need you, please stay.
You are the reason I wake up; you are the reason I keep going.
I have felt the urge to self-harm so many times, but I don’t.
I stop myself somehow, I stop because I have to.
I stopped for you.
They say time is money, but I’m getting broker by the minute.
Time to spend, time to ****, a one way ticket
from tomorrow to today.
The past is getting thicker while the future’s looking slim.
The dawning of a new age, but the sun is getting dim.
I’m tired of it.
The clock turns and the pendulum swings
a metronome for the monotone
Straining their ear for when the fat lady sings
Tone deaf for the sounding alarm
hitting the snooze hoping to disarm
The bomb of lost seconds and hours
we don’t have time it has us,
dragging us along in a prison bus.
The sand’s slipping and slipping between our hands
Grasping nothing but air as the hours expands
A big bang of a moment to make the seconds last
We got pictures of a of life long gone in the past
Hold on to the memories cause time’s going fast
The future’s a fight but were losing all the time
When the hands start spinning and spinning and the bells chime.
Our shadows stretching longer and the moon changes face
We’re all running a race struggling to keep pace.
With tomorrow the reward that we’re all going to chase.
Tick tock the future is here
Time wasted with the end drawing near.
Keep running and running keep ahead of the pack
The past is the past so stop looking back.
Turning the days to weeks and the upcoming years
Success to failure and smiles to tears
What do you do when time’s coming for you
Fight back every moment
Stealing seconds at a time
The bell tolling our atonement
Making gains in our climb
But my pockets are empty and my wallet has nothing in it.
Because time is money and I’m getting broker by the minute.
 Aug 2016 Marvin Williams
Lotus
Often these days, I am convinced that I’m crazy. As crazy as my mother, whose fear of loneliness caused her to transform from her fiery, beautiful self into a demon.  As crazy as a storm that in its chaos rips the roots of trees from the ground and destroys the home of families and sometimes families themselves.
I have the dark and light on both shoulders, my inner devil and inner angel. The devil me, with her knotted hair and ***** snarl, whispers words of suspicion and anger, constantly aiming to manipulate and self-destruct. Then there is the angel me, with bright green-blue eyes and perfect white teeth, whispering soothing reminders of beautiful memories and quiet thanks.
We all, every one of us, have our own devil and angel. Why is it that we allow this devil to exist within us, and allow our angel to be thrown to the side? Sometimes our angel wins yes, but still… until one side or the other wins, we Allow a part of us to Want to self-destruct and cause continual suffering. Why is this?
... and if my tears cried a million oceans
Each would whisper your name
My heart is broken
I will never be the same




❤I love and miss you Mum ❤
Miss you, mum. X
If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation

Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you
Help people. Dont leave them alone. Provide help. Depression is very real, and it is all around us. Repost if this means something to YOU
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