I am not sure
If it's my loneliness
My desire to love
My infatuation with you
Or just you in general

But I am so glad
I have gotten closer to you
If only in the slightest
Before our time is up

I will miss your smile
Your laugh
Our not-so-frequent chats
Your unseen beauty

I have yet to tell you
To tell you that I care
That it hurts when you hurt
That I would like to get to know you better

But you won't be here for much longer
It's sadly wonderful
You won't be here for much longer
So I really shouldn't bother

It's hopeless really
I know nothing will come of it
Just like every infatuation I've had
Nothing will come of this

I hope you find happiness
No matter what happens
Just know I care
You will be missed.

There was a page
Full of words
That said everything
That said nothing

My thoughts were unclear
My writing was cloudy
It made no sense
But so much
I understood

That poem was a failure
Ironically, it spoke of failure.
I tried to force ink onto paper
And in return received a
Mess of a masterpiece
A reflection of who I am

I had abandoned my work
It screams to be finished.
So finally
I come out of my shell
I try to undo knots
I couldn't untangle before

Because in a few days time
I will have answers
To questions I've always asked
And I'm not sure I am ready
But I am standing now
Or at least,
I will soon.

Soon,
I will stand tall
I will be stepping...
But where will my feet land?

I still look for you...
Even though I know you aren't there...
It's over... but it's not
we were the wrong time....
or not enough.
There isn't a heart wrenching loss...
just the subtle ache as i drive past our place.
Maybe one day you will love me...
there's always the maybes..
I can't write and I can't call...
can't speak a word...
but then what would I say?
I leave us unspoken....
But always know that I miss you....
in the dull voided aching way that one does in a helpless love...

E.J.M

You live in colours that don't exist,
Unlike my twilight soul.
Yet we are so familiar
With the inhumane species
That leaves us in wreckages.

Our midnight cries will be sook
By the naïvety of tomorrow's embrace,
And we will be left stranded on the shores
Of our own despair.

because when she was young,

people would ask her

"what superpower,

do you wish for?"

so without any hesitation

she replied "invisibility."

and then,

and then she grew up realising

it came true.

one day
always dries the tongue
always tense
future tense
i’m twenty three
i’ve set out to find myself
at least four times
from here
                                                  you can’t see what’s up there
                                  though its walls are made of windows
                                         i was up there once, and looked down

i asked why misunderstanding perception
and learned most of them looked out for the cityscape the lights sometimes.


s was a dancer
stretches and
taps to silent rhythms
knotted in her throat        in thought
sometimes at night
under lover’s sheets
they could flow from her lips
sweet hyperboles
and desperate understatements
and her shoulders would release
too soon
she was dead asleep
      
                                         t   the perfect audience
he was multilingual
even with small phrases and s thought::
please please think bigger
than you and me

t::
i want
shelves full
(with all of your words)
and we’ll cover the living
      walls
with framed cyprus and stone
it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok
today we are twenty three
i can feel your breath on my face
i am not domestic
every place but home
inspires me
a time someday for us
they’ve flourished
snatched in november like everything
gone
tell me
the glory days
are not
over
flow


is it possible
to be blown by what i thought
could never happen     could never have
never be
and
remorse for decaying dreams
                                                          ­                  a bibliothèque   a bibliothek
                                                      ­           its towers pierce through foliage
                                                         ­                               the center caved in
                                                              ­  only the letters b  i  b  l  o remain
                                                          ­   above the threshold    and some
                                                            ­               pages grip tight to the walls
                                                          ­                  insects inhibit the rest

    

  we stretch softer legs like fossilized rock
and feel shame in the pride once taken
in one day   i will give up everything
dance on tuesday nights      worship the sanctity of table talk     early mornings envisioning the thousands of events this corner no doubt witnessed  trek øyangen and for the first time fall so in love with snow and tomorrow feel that same ecstasy for the aegean ultraviolet a



of course there is not   that would be too **** logical


we fill to the brim spill into the other
the first time::
walking conciliation there were at least 8 others  the nervous ha ha release of the shoulders a timid forte   something castle passageway and cruel majesty if i did..no memory of any other exists submerged in the cascade i could tell
                          what was happening it was your turn finally
                  adventure bestowed
                           when i shouted
                                                    ­      italian for
...i know what you mean


other times
it’s boiling      steam clenching the small throat of the
archways screaming
like the baby in the room
hardly air still
dare not breathe
at burned hands only
wanting to
help me   


    october times:
                                                      i wander off the page
                                                            ­      its warm here
                                                     homesick rising   not
                                        for a house or manmade landscape
                                                       ­       i sunk my teeth
                                                       into a chance to hold
                                                        a beloved memory
                                                          ­were you pouring
                                                                ­ into me or i
                                                                ­                 you




—suddenly
location was
absent
only caffeinated confusion
words were never difficult now used all wrong
forte timida
you casually drank your pour over
as i searched for a changed thing

s to t:: how is it that we love so many and need so much more and still have room for each other?


                                   t::            i’ve built you a sanctuary
west coast luxury
east coast 1920
where surrounding trees are ablaze
you will not burn
in a city whose lights have no power over stars
i’ve wrought an iron balcony
for kissing
overlooking
a cobbled courtyard
for mornings
music
go there in the meantime
when you can’t remember
i’ll visit when you want me





my thighs
carry everything
ice cracks cold sweat   ears ringing rejection   history    home moving   not moving defense precision par excellence capablebutyoucutmylegsfromunderme
flying contraption­
leaving that behind
fast evanesce
a pounding like cutting
but breathing
normally

s to t:: only you let me
bleed



the hard-
covers
come
falling
a fantastic mess
the balcony
magnifique on fire