i don't know what to tell you,
i don't know what to do,
i know my heart is aching
all because of you,

i know that i am lonely.
i know that im in pain,
i know my heart cant take much more,
i know i like the rain,

i can't predict your moves,
i don't know whats in your head,
i don't know how you feel about me,
i don't know if your ever lonely in your bed,

i know i wonder about you,
i know your on my mind,
i know that your random actions
surprise me from behind,

i don't know what your wondering,
i don't know if you think about me,
i don't know what you want,
i don't know if i'll ever be free

they promised they'd be there
for their friends wedding day
they promised they'd be there
for their friends birthday

but they drank and drove anyway
they crashed and died before the end of the day
and deaths hand took them away
their family standing waving them away

they said they'd be with us forever
they said friendship
is the thing that keeps us all together

when we were kids
laughing and talking away
adults would ask us about drinking
and never knew what to say

now were older
still laughing and talking away
but when adults ask us about drinking
we say were doin it every day

why don't we just say
yea
im drinkin away my life
i might as well be slitting my throat with a knife
and erase my future kids and wife

so now im gonna get in this car
and drive
when i told you i'd never do it
i guess i lied

now im crashed and dead
and why
because to everyone i ever knew
i fed a lie
and after the crash
death stared me in the eye
and refused
when i asked to say bye
and as i floated away
i watched my friends and family cry
then i asked myself
why did i have to be stupid
why did i have to die

the wind moves the water,
the water does not resist,
the water continues to sleep,
the wind continues to persist,

the leaves hanging in the trees
can hold on no longer,
they fall into the wind
as the wind becomes stronger,

but the wind blows too hard,
and all earth becomes stone,
it freezes all the water
and all is left alone,

water is no longer gentle,
wind is no longer kind,
earth is no longer soft,
and all is left behind,

all has become pathetic,
life no longer exists,
only one thing is certain,
the wind still persists

It was just a crush at first that I had on you,
but we talked and shared and it grew and grew,
I just wanted someone to smile at me through
the pain of waiting for someone like you,
but I never imagined that you'd like me too,
   so darling,
      what did we do?

We hung out and talked for hours a day,
could never run out of things to say,
I got used to looking into your eyes,
used to thinking of you when I look at the skies,
wanting to kiss you and hold you and miss you,
take you to places that we've never been too,
if there's one thing in my life that I never thought of,
   its that this is how one day
      i'd fall in love,

And it was so beautiful,
at least for a time,
I was yours and you were mine,
so happy I would shout at the skies
with pure joy streaming from my eyes,
and everything just came together,
but love wasn't enough to hold you forever,
   then suddenly,
      it was all over,

And for a while it was so hard to stay sober,
only numbness would take away the pain,
every night trying not to go insane,
wondering how I ****** up,
where it all went wrong,
was it ever even real all along,
was it true when you said I love you
as you gazed into my eyes,
   how much was truth,
      how much was lies,

And now I miss you,
I want to see your smile,
I want to lay next to you again
and hold you for a while,
and feel your breath on my arm
and smell your hair in my face,
go back to that special place
when we were happy
and nothing was wrong,
   i'd read a poem,
      you'd play a song,

But I have to realize that's all gone,
you made your choice and I have to move on,
I hope in time the tears fade away,
and maybe again I can feel one day,
the way I felt when I was with you,
but i'll never forget what we went through,
and baby no matter what I do,
you're the only one I'll ever think of,
   when I remember
      my first love.

im a person of sacrifice
i put other peoples happiness before mine
i tell the truth
i find no joy in lying

i take hits
so others don't have to
i block fires
so others can walk through

i've done this all my life
i've boxed in my hate since i was a kid
i put it in a jar
and i sealed it tight with a lid

i don't know why
but i don't think im a very good person
or a person that deserves
i try to be someone good
someone that serves

maybe one person can't do it all
so why keep trying
you'll just continue to fall
and keep on crying

its so much easier just to die
because there is no hope
im not gonna say why
because no one is going to help
i won't say goodbye
because not even I love myself
my soul isn't gonna float up high
because im going to hell
there won't be a single tear in my eye
because there won't be one in the eye of anyone else

i just want to be seen
but it would seem
that no one's ever gonna care
so ill die in the despair

if not believing in me is something everybody wants to do
then i guess i will too

sometimes in my lonesome
i feel a deep regret,
like my life is forfeit
& my failures are set,
as if comfort has gone
from my chest,
along with cheer,
along with rest,

leaving me to the sleepless night,
trying to find any trace of light,
hoping for a reason to love who is me,
when i always feel that loved is what I'll never be,

because every night in my painful dreams,
happiness is in my reach it seems,
but every time i reach for it to seize,
i get cheated, robbed, or beaten to my knees,
and then I'm forced to watch that which i truly desire
go and leave me to drown in the sea or burn in fire,
or I'm left turned silence into stone,
forever to be cold...
forever to be alone.

if i broke into 100 beautiful pieces
then id have 100 beautiful ways
to do 100 beautiful things
for the 100 beautiful reasons that i love you

I am trying to write but i can't.

I'm trying to think
and I feel like I'm on the brink
of something.

I'm searching through my mind
trying to find the words to say,
struggling every single day.

Like a dam,
the river of my thought has been blocked,
not locked but left closed,
because I lack the strength of those
who can hold it open,

I think I've lost touch with the heart of my imagination,
and so begins my creative degeneration

everyone has shed tears
everyone has bore pain
everyone has had fears
everyone ***** at a certain game

but anyone can jump
anyone can laugh
anyone can smile
because life isnt so bad
so long as you choose
to listen, to learn
to honor, to earn
to love, to gain
to deal with pain
to be strong
to fight your fears
to defeat your demons
and let them fall with your tears

but ultimately

be true to yourself
be the free person of your choice
and help others to be happy and rejoice
and help your self
and others to know
that this is not your last day on earth
but it sure aint the first

you've been stabbed in the back
you've been pierced through the heart
you've always been under attack
you've never had a good start

you've been tossed to the floor
you've beaten on the ground
you've been hurt at your core
you've hurt all around

you've experienced the bad life
you've felt that hate
you've felt that rage
and you know what it can create

you've been insulted because of your height
you've been stereotyped because of your race
people have held you back all of your life
you've lost a lot of chances opportunities
your life has been through some terrible things
things that some people should never have to experience or see

there's only one thing left to do
and nothing left to say
so do it now
it will eventually happen anyway

Cry
like its everyone's business
Cry
like the world wants to know
Cry
like you've got nothing to hide
Cry
like you've got everything to show

just cry

cry out with passion
cry like the rain
just do it
cry out your pain

let the dreadful memories of your past
leave with your tears
and free your mind
of all your greatest struggles and fears

cry because you've got a family
a home
a bed

cry because your no longer homeless
no longer alone
no longer in a shed

cry because your strong
and able to put aside pain
able to conquer your fears
able to start over again

This girl,
Is one of those friends,
That you meet once,
And the friendship never ends,

This girl,
Will laugh and play,
She’ll make you smile,
Because she smiles every day,

This girl,
Has one of those faces,
That’ll take you away,
To one of those special places,

This girl,
Has a great heart,
A beautiful life,
Of which you always want to be a part,

This girl just can’t be found,
She’s the only one walking around,
There’s no one like her any place,
Not on earth or in outer space,

This girl,
Is one that you can’t find,
But you meet her once,
And she’ll always be on your mind,

This girl,
Isn’t like the rest,
She can ask you once,
And you’ll do your best,

This girl is so much fun,
She loves to laugh and play,
I think she’s the one,
Because she’s in my heart every single day,

How do you know it’s all over?
When darkness and time
Are as infinite as death,
And the world you know
Is at its final breath?

When all the dark has overcome its foes
To sink into your skin and between your toes,
And shards of glass is all you breathe
Into a web of despair that will never unweave,
When all your family has turned against each other in disdain,
And all your friends cause each other endless pain,
When the air you breathe becomes what you believe you don’t deserve,
And your most horrible fears replace your every nerve,
When such a time in the end of all things has no worth,
And lives can only be returned ruthlessly to this dying earth

This is such a time
To ask what questions I have that are mine,
For I don’t understand that in my heart
Lies a sense of meaningless in why I played my part,

Did I add to this dying world?
Did I kick the young and destroy the old?
Have I become what I have fought for so long?
Have all of my beliefs been proven wrong?
Am I blind to all I have done?
Am I aware that I hurt all and appreciate none?
When did I join this dying planet?
When did I receive my pointless part in it?

I just don’t understand
Why darkness and hate,
Have become the foundation
Of earth’s final fate,

I guess when demons finally rid themselves of what their trying to ****,
We humans will be at the mercy of our own will,
And earth will either be dead or almost gone,
And we’ll follow the road to the end of all things as it was meant all along.

what would you do
if i socked you in the face
what would you do
if i filled you with hate

would you hate me till the end of your days
would you get back up without a daze
would you sock me back
and throw me to the floor
would you hit my head on the grounf
till i breathe no more
would you stand up
and let the blood mix with your tears
would you smile
and end all of your fears
would you do it again
and love it even more
would you do it again
even in the middle of a store
would you even let him/her suffer
would you even let him/her cry and curse
would you even let him/her build his/her hat for the worst
would you plant that seed of hate in his/her brain
would you make him/her scream in pain
would you not let him/her stop
would you make him/her **** a lot
would you let him/her **** anyone but you
would you know what these monsters you've created can do
would he/she tell you that you are not hate
would he/she tell you are simply a victim
an example of what it can create

would he/she tell you that this is your end
would he/she tell that there's nothing abut you he/she would miss
would he/she tell you that hate has no friend
would he/she give you a goodbye death kiss

would you feel betrayed by friends
would you feel that stab in the heart that hate sends
would you be stupid enough to not know why this is happening

would you be sad
would you feel bad
would you go away and die
realizing waht you've done
knowing no one will miss you
no one will cry

knowing all your leaving behind is hate
only fire in the eye
and a heart pierced by a steak

and the longer your in this hole
the deeper it gets
you know what it creates
and it made you pay the ultimate debt


What Would You Do (Love)  is in the works in progress

Time goes on,
it's marching on,
forever a never-ending ending song,
a ballad of existence
& unwavering persistence
without resistance,
we're but an infantismal instance
on the infinite track of time,
insignificant to the grand cosmic line,
incomprehensible to the mind,
we're blind to its true nature,
it's secrets, it's behaviour,
& one day we may succeed in our endeavour to understand it better
& time will be under our command,
but I rue that day,
for I fear humanity's way,
will be death by time's hand.

life without your kiss
is almost impossible to explain
to think of life without your lips
causes unbearable pain

your skin
is softer than heavens tear
your skin
can take away anyone's fear

your heart
i would put before my own
your heart
is the most precious thing i have ever known
your heart
is the most beautiful thing heaven has ever shown
your heart
turns my heart into stone

your eyes
stare deep into my soul
creating new warmth and light
and eliminating anything bitter and old

your hair
is something beautiful and rare
you hair
is captivating and fair
your hair
is so elegant i could just sit here and stare
and you wouldn't have to move anywhere

your body
was carved out of diamonds
and made softer than water
and it was so special
that heaven couldn't figure out how to make another

but your kiss
oh how i could go on and on
with an endless list
but if i were to tell it to someone else
then it would go something like this

its as if my body looses all ability
to carry its own weight
and then my heart starts to race
at an incredible rate
and then white lilies sprout up
all around
covering everything
covering the whole ground
and if feels great
like I've been given new life
all of me senses are clear
I've taken flight

when we are apart
there is nothing about you that i dont miss
because I've got a brand new reason to live
and that reason is for your kiss

What should I do when I like a girl?
What do I do when this feeling is honest and real?
When I know what I want but not how it’s supposed to feel,

I know what I can give her,
And I don’t have much to give,
But I know that she
Is the only one with whom I want to live,

Then I found that she is taken,
And my heart was pulled out and violently shaken,

Any hope of seeing her again
May still be,
But now it will be only as friends,
And not with me,

And though this is crushing,
A natural sense of protection has formed,
So that if she ever gets hurt,
I’m ready to charge with raging horns,

I’ll fight anything with all my strength and more,
I’ll fight one, two, three, and even four,
And if four don’t get enough I’ll fight thirty-three,
Just as long as she is safe and the pain goes all to me,

I’ll happily die fighting
If I know that she’ll be ok,
There will be a big smile on my face,
And it will be there to stay,

The reason that I go through all this trouble
To prove who I am,
Is because I believe in the truth
Whether I have to do it with soft words or a heart pounding slam

what would you do
if i socked you in face

would you forgive me
knowing it was only an act of hate
would you walk away
knowing the terrible things it can create
would you be okay if someone knocked you to the floor
would you get back up with forgiveness
opening up friendships door
would you give him/her what advice you have
would you try to prevent him/her from doing it again
would you save a heart
would you prevent it from further pain
would you shield him/her from angers rain
would you tell him/her that anger isnt the only way
would you repeat it every day
not letting a single heart go astray
and if someone told you to stop
would you keep doing it anyway
would you remember right then
that the only thing we must fear more than evil
is the indifference of good people
would you put more passion in your beliefs
more than im putting in this pen
would you become an unbreakable lightning rod
would you rise above all evil
and ascend as a god
would you take your newfound power
and help those with none
would you sieze the hour
and help those who dont get one

and would all the people you.ve helped
all the lives you've changed
would the look at you wierd
would they treat you as someone strange
no
they would treat you as their friend
someone who helped
when life seemed to be at it's end
someone who knew
someone who told you why
someone who was there for you
smoeone who would never let you die

you told me once
and then you said it twice
please tell me why
why must i sacrifice
i'm just too scared
i don't see this as right
i don't see this as fair
and when your going
and your in the middle of the air
you'll want to stop
you won't want to move at all
you won't want to move forward
creating a past
you won't want to look back at all the faliures you've had
and then you'll be asking yourself how things got so bad

you said everything would be fine
you said it would fade away in time
why hasn't anything changed
its been so long
everything just keeps going wrong
its so hard to trust
when what your told doesn't make any sense
its so hard to trust
when your forgotten by your family and friends

ok
lets start this now
c'mon
let me show you how

it goes like this
you lift up your fist
and you pound pound!
on the ground!
shaking the floor
up and around
swing swing!
hit everything!
break it all!
run through the wall!

smash!
scream!
destroy!
what would seem!
fake!
and dead!
in and out!
of your head!

what if we together walk alone inside this world
hiding in the shadows of this cold and pointless road
dreaming of the faces in our hearts we wish we had
thinking of the places in our minds don't feel this sad
wondering if this life will ever ever change
but when it does we feel so scared and strange
hoping that one day we will control our lives
and somewhere along the road we will finally realize
this road isn't gonna turn for us
we gotta turn ourselves
we will turn and thus
change the lives of sixties and twelves
and on this new road
we might think to go back
but were here
and it isn't so sad

so live!
breathe!
receive!
your heart!
burn!
fire!
now!
start!
go!
be ******!
the ones!
we fight!
****!
destroy!
in the dark!
and daylight!
never!
quit!
never!
give up!
don't change!
just keep going!
and never be shut up!

this world will someday come to a bitter end
the day that disbelief becomes our closest friend
so counter the shot, get ****** and shoot back
if you have to, use your fists or grab a bat
it doesn't matter, someday you gotta fight
doing nothing just doesn't really feel right
i don't get why people just let themselves die
they take one hit, fall down and then cry
they just let go and destroy their entire lives
and let go of their husbands, kids and wives
the tragedy of it all is that were doomed to die someday
but that's the beauty of it because everything's more beautiful that way
if we were meant to live forever
the beauty of life would never get better
we would be walking around immortal and painless
instead of walking honestly and shameless

what if we were born to live the way that we want to die
not to live forever
but so beauty cant live long enough in our lives to become a lie

so when your with death
and you're not who you want to be
just take a deep breath
and let yourself be free

two be in love
two eyes must meet
two hearts must feel
two minds must connect
two make love real

one is not enough
two are required
three words to say
for one two be desired

fir burns in our hearts for passion
water soothes our minds so we can imagine
these two together
creates a world two live and die in

only two
but who?
how do we decide?
when these two will collide

love wasn't created to simply move the heart
love is the strongest thing in the world
because nothing can tear it apart

and that is why
two be in love
all it takes is two
because you need more than one
two do things two can do

two at the start
two at the end
of every day

two as one heart
two as one friend
with only three words left two say

but i won't tell you them
because you already know them anyway

those we've loved
those we've lost
those we've hurt
the lives we've cost

we've never actually taken the time to think about these things
the good people
the bad people
everything real

there is a saying that states 'in a mans imagination is where he can truly be free, thus is now, and thus will always be'
but that doesn't change the real things in life
it doesn't change what we see
it doesn't change the reality
it doesn't bring out more light
it does't bring anything to right

but the power rests within our hands
to act on what we feel
to change the stars
and make our dreams become real
so that we may expand our thoughts
expand our lives
and remember those we've lost
remember their lives
and so they had not died in vain
use their power
use their will
use their pain
and give the world something to gain
give it heart
give it strength
give it purity
give it a life of greater length

pay tribute to the dead
remember who changed our lives
remember who we loved
remember who payed for our lies

pay tribute to the dead
do something bold
pay tribute to the dead
remember the people of old
pay tribute to the dead
live our lives for ourselves
pay tribute to the dead
remember loss
pay tribute to the dead
know regret
knoe the cost
pay tribute to the dead
we have strength
pay tribute to the dead
we have the power
its in our hands
sieze the hour
change the land
change the stars
change the world
the time is ours

carpe diem
sieze the day
take your life
and never give it away

Sometimes a word
Is all you need
To fall to the floor
And no longer breathe,

The hearts that need help
Are ready to fall with a touch,
So be careful what you say,
At least know that much,

Because the hearts that are falling
Are held together by air,
They keep falling,
Because no one is there,

You need to know,
Or at least realize,
That a simple smile,
Could just be pain in disguise,

Don’t be tricked
By a simple smile
And a “no thanks I’m fine”
All the while
These people are in pain all the time

Just stick it out
There’s no need to scream and shout
Hold a calm and steady voice
Saving a life is always a matter of choice
And when a life is saved
The savior may rejoice

I wanted to look into the mirror and smile,
but all I see is nothing.

I'm staring into my own eyes
and I cant even see who I am.

Who am I?
I guess it doesn't matter.
We're all lost.

these are our years
these are our days
to take control
of this day and age

these are our moments
these are our times
to seize the day
and show how much our generation shines

its time to show everyone were not just teens
were women
were men
were human beings

its time to stand as one
time to stand true
time to show em
show em what we can do

were not kids
were children
were not weak
were not easily beaten

we will make history
we are the future
we set the standard
to make those after us that much harder
to make them better
to make the faster
to make them stronger
to make them smarter

and like we are doing now
they will strive to be truer to themselves
to live with less regrets
to be loving people
to seize the day
and to be givers and not takers

feel your flow,
feel who you are,
feel the light
that connects every star,

create your waves,
your body of emotion,
your passionate love,
your powerful devotion,

lift your spirits,
be as the kind river,
move with its motion,
don't be afraid to sweat or shiver,

breathe the wind,
the calmness of the lake,
the beauty of the forest,
the sweet melody you make,

listen to the water,
listen to the trees,
listen to the earth,
and be the mind that it frees

fall into a dream,
close your eyes,
be quiet and calm,
as you soar the skies,

reach out your hand,
think of who you are,
and when you open your eyes,
you'll be holding onto a star,

I look in the mirror

it swirls
swivels
and shines
but
it starts to dampen
darken
deepen
and die

in one million perfect shatters
in one million perfectly falls
it perfectly drops
upon the one million perfect walls

it terribly shapes back
it terribly comes together
it terribly reconnects
and i don't know why it bothers

i look into the mirror and this is what i see

i am drenched in black water
i am drenched in young age
i am filled with anger
i am engulfed in rage

for within each piece i see a crack
a flaw
within each piece i see nothing at all

there are millions of pieces
which my heart has been broken into
none of which i am able to find
none that it belongs to

i don't know what to do anymore
all hope is gone
the time has come
to sing my song

i lift my fists
i smash the glass
i scream in rage
i scream my breaths to my last

i am a cast out
my life is gone
im someone else
i am something wrong
im alone on the street
ive had nothing to eat
i hurt all over
i drop to the floor
i scream in pain
i cant take this any longer

so i take a piece of myself
i plunge it into my heart
followed by the rest
tearing my body apart

as each piece of myself breaks inside
as each piece shatters and dies
as the darkness surrounds me
the mirror is gone
because it has nothing to show
it has nothing to see
i can finally be
forever free

I'm trying to be happy in all the ways that I know how
but in this life of uncertainty its all for naught,
and these caverns in my heart just keep getting deeper,
they keep getting colder and darker
and like beautifully crafted blades
the loneliness is killing me in the softest and slowest ways.

I don't know how to stop the bleeding,
it's taking it's toll and freezing my soul away from the life I want to live,
and nothing I try will give
because I don't have the will to be who I want to be.

So it's ever just me,
falling to the depths of my oblivion sea,
watching the light fade as I sink into the dark,
deep stark silence eases me to the bed,
I close my eyes and retreat into my head
to feel one last happy thought before i'm gone,
but it's all been for naught all along,

And the lonely siren song sings me to forsaken sleep,
ending my agony and pain at the bottom of this ocean deep.

This is where I want to end up,
at the edge of the forest overlooking a lake,
the sound of nature every time I wake,
in the middle of nowhere with woods all around,
somewhere to be lost,
and nowhere to be found.

I don't know what to do.

I've been gutted for all i have
and thrown back into the waiting room
to await something
that i hope will come soon.

a chance,
an opportunity,
something with continuity,
and substance and depth
so i can take a deep breath
of fresh beautiful air,
out there, in the wonderful world.

out of the waiting room,
deaths unsettling home,
with all the other people
and all the time alone.


unable to scream or to talk,
or to run or walk,
or to be happy and smile
at least for a while,

i guess that's life,
hardship and strife,
and a few small happy times,
i just wish i knew the reasons or the rhyme.

One day we’ll be walking through a field of flowers,
sitting by a silent river,
standing atop a somber mountain,  
or laying on the beach watching the sun set over the ocean,
and I’ll still be gazing at you,
because to me
you will always be
the most beautiful sight I could ever see.

her words are beautiful
as is her smile
for a while there i couldn't stand
my mind was lost in another land
i had no idea how this would feel
it was so sublime and so unreal
too bad i was only ever a passing cloud in her sky
that's how i was born and that's how I'll die

Have you ever seen a world where everything’s twisted around?
Where water becomes air and sight becomes sound,
A place where feelings turn into beautiful birds
And beauty is expressed in many words,
A world that shows you the meaning of love,
And takes you to the caves below and to the clouds above,

Such a place,
Is where I thought I was,
When I saw a lonely girls face,
And I fell deeply in love,

I don’t know if this girl would ever take me as hers,
But there is one thing that my heart ensures,
I have feelings of love that may very well be real,
A sense of desire that I strongly feel,
And the little things make it worth that much more,
And a fallen heart is in need of an open door,

An honest smile can keep someone from death,
Giving a caring word is sharing a loving breath,
Offering a hand can make someone’s day,
Sharing a thought can take someone’s pain away,
And although being a friend is wonderful and kind,
Being in love is something you can never leave behind,

Because love is a blessing as well as a feeling,
It’s an act of kissing and random heart stealing,
It’s an eternal heartfelt burning fire,
Something that most want and always desire,
Love happens when you realize the pumping in your chest,
Don’t fight it, just go for it and give it your best,
It comes in many different forms and styles,
But it lasts even if the distance is miles and miles,

So if you’re ever confused
And you don’t know what to say
Just say how you feel
You’ll appreciate it one day

I am running in darkness.
i trip and fall into a pool of water,

As i fall under
hands come up to reach for me,
they're scratching, clawing and grabbing.
pinching, gripping and hacking,

I am drowning, choking and crying for air,
i try to break free but they grab my hair,
i can barely move, my muscles are getting weaker,
they're pulling me deeper, the surface grows bleaker,

Now i know that i am going to die,
water fills my lungs whilst in fear i cry,
and just before i was dead,
my final thoughts raced through my head,

I wish someone knew that i was here,
I wish i hadn't lived in fear,
I wish someone had really known who i was,
I wish i had fallen in love because
I really don't want to die by myself,
all alone with no one else,
I wish i could have a second chance,
but i wont even get a second glance,
If only i was not filled with hate,
I might have had a different fate,
but i spent my life crying and frowning,
so here i am fading... drowning.

I travel to different places,
see new things, new faces,
new cultures, classes, colors & races,
I made this path with my own two hands
because I decided as a man
that I'm gonna do what I can to travel the land,
because I have a problem,
I cant stand still,
I need to test my strength of will,
I need to fight, conquer & ****
this fear controlling my lonely being,
the darkness that keeps me from seeing
whats right in front of me,
a way to be happy,
a way to smile,
a way to feel at ease for a while,
because for as long as I remember I've been at this by myself,
but now I think I might need someone else
to push me when I slack,
to stand by my side & share the weight on my back,
& I don't know when i'll crack,
because nothing lasts forever,
but maybe if we stay together,
we can make whats left of our time better.

Each day I spend my waking moments
wishing my dream was my reality,
And I descend into sadness
knowing that will never be the case.

So I just exist through the day
wondering when I will die,
So that I might be able to return to my dreams forever.

Here I sit,
Pondering deep thoughts and ideas about life and the universe.

What is reality?
What is consciousness?
What is our purpose in life? If there is one.
When did it all really begin?
When will it all really end?

Here I sit
with such thoughts weighing on my mind with every day.
I know I can't answer them yet still I try.
Does that make me a philosopher?
Or a fool?

So here I sit,
Engulfed in my mind,
Searching for answers I can't hope to find.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the time.
Probably not, but who really knows?
What else am I to do?
So here I sit.

I'm just trying to make my life a little better,
I cant see the road as I'm storming through this weather,
but I know that I'll keep going because I know I gotta try,
I appreciate the offer but this isn't the day I die,
because I still gotta fly, gotta laugh, gotta cry,
gotta feel all the joy's that come with this crazy life,
and don't tell me that it's too hard and don't tell me that you cant,
that's why we have each other so that we can lend a hand,
no one has forever so don't waste it in the dirt,
now get up and wipe the blood off on your shirt,
keep going until you get exactly what you're worth,
I'll be right there by your side with my love in every verse,
I'll push you from behind even when it hurts,
we're all together on this ride,
everybody on this earth.

The words I want to say never want to come out,
even when I scream and shout,
my mind is just filled with doubt,
the words freeze in my every breath,
being unable to self express feels like death
and I can feel the pressure inside of my chest,
I can form a few words, maybe a sentence at best,
like a rope around my throat blocking my voice,
and then people try to tell me that I have a choice,
as if anxiety, depression, & fear would ever adhere to my will,
as if I could **** all the sadness with a simple thought,
but that's just not how it works,
because it still hurts no matter what I do
and I don't know how to explain to you
how I feel,
you can't see the pain but it's real,
and if I were able to show you I would,
but all I can do is just wish I could,
                   I wish I could..
I wish I could smile just like you,
and maybe laugh the same way too,
sleep & wake with a smile on my face,
walk with confidence in any place,
surrounded by people I know & love,
always looking up & above,

But no matter how much I want it to be,
that's just not me, its a fantasy,
can't you see the reality that I just cant and I don't know why,
and all I can do is just scream and cry!
wishing I could die because it's just too painful to be alive!
but I don't have the guts to do it myself,
even though there's no one else
to stop me from taking my own life,
ledge, led, noose or knife it doesn't matter,
I just can't pull the trigger,
yea I keep my life but my demons just grow bigger
as my heart & soul wither until I'm broken cold & bitter,
i'll sit here with a shiver,
trying to catch my tears before they fall,
wondering if I could have ever been happy at all.

Sometimes it's hard to find motivation for even the simplest things,
like lifting my hand to write,
my pen feels so heavy,
like dragging a metal tube over thin dead trees,
the dark blood pouring from my hand
mixes with my tears as they fall to the page,
the blurry letters cry out but I don't recognize them anymore,
so I lay on the floor and try to decide what to do next,
maybe i'll just sleep here,
maybe sleep is whats best.